AIBU to be pissed off that people keep trying to get me to buy my kids more for Christmas?

[CrapBag]

I am getting sooo fed up with people implying that I am not spending enough or getting my kids enough presents for Christmas.

We don't have a lot of money, I like to have a budget and stick to it, and we have done it this year. One time I mentioned my budget to a friend and she was horrified as she spends 4x the amount on her kids, then all the stuff they get from relatives, they are pretty spoilt tbh.

My kids are not in the slightest materialistic, they would be perfectly happy with a few small things, although we have got them more than this. Plus we don't have the space to put loads and loads of new toys. They do get things that they want, its not like we get them some old shit that they won't like which is what I feel is implied sometimes.

I had a couple of friends tell me that they have got their kids 30+ presents! That's not including relatives who all spoil them as well. My kids don't get spoilt in the slightest by relatives, and while I don't want them to be spoilt, I am also slightly sad that our families don't seem to make as much effort as my friends families (I get a run down of all the things their families have bought for their kids, its way over the top but I still feel sad, can't really explain it myself).

A friend has been asking DD (2) what she wants. There are 2 things, neither of which are big or expensive. She is getting more as well but my friend kept trying to get DD to add more things to her 'list ' in order to make me buy her more.

Another friend told me I should buy my DS something else he likes, that is another £80! As in, "oh its only that, go on buy it for him" This is much more than his entire budget.

There will be plenty of years where they want big expensive things and these earlier years mean you can get away with buying less. I have been accused of being tight on more than 1 occasion because I don't constantly spend money (that I don't have) and I am getting really fucking fed up of it! AIBU.

I'd say I'm very middle of the road in what my DD gets, I'd rather a couple of quality things (or just one quality thing and loads of books, puzzles etc) I can't staaand most of the plastic over priced shite in the shops!
Each to their own, I think it's best not to discuss the ins and outs with people. Some people are so into Christmas and save all year to spoil their children, I just think it can be just as magical without all the gluttony and greed.

KeepingUpWithTheJonses not sure if that last was general or aimed at me (apologies for the "it's all about MEEEE!" if not) but if it is, not trying to brag, prove a point or win a competition, that is just what we do. The money not spent on presents can go on other things instead, like clothes/days out etc. They aren't better things to spend money on, just different.

I also use the "something to wear, something to read, something you want and something you need" to go by.

This year dd has asked for my e-reader that I no longer use due to having dh's iPad to read books on now. I'll be buying her a fancy new cover for it and load it with tons of books for her. Plus a few other small bits. I don't care what anyone else thinks, I'm fed up with the sheer consumerism of the whole festive season and refuse to enter into it this year.

I don't like it at either end of the spectrum. I don't like people slagging off those who buy a lot for their DC just as much as the ones who do it to those who buy a little.

It's a personal decision, whether it's a financial or a morality thing, it's none of any other swine's God damn business what you spend. If your DC are happy then that's all that matters.

So, I guess you are not surrounded by the competitively non-consumerist demographic ("I give my child an orange, some nuts and a wooden soldier")?

I cannot believe that there are people who get their kids 30 presents! Do the kids just tire of opening them and start complaining about the amount of work they're doing?

Growing up we never did Christmas (not part of my family's culture) but my DH grew up in a household with lavish Christmases which he wants to replicate with our DC. I must say I love the tree, decorations, meal etc but the buying stuff and loads of it part really I don't understand at all. It is very alien to me to run around buying tat for young kids (our eldest is 5) who don't really want anything anyway just to make sure they have lovely Christmas memories. I have gone along with it in the past but this year the piles of tat the inlaws get will, we have agreed be sufficient. I am sure they will grow up happy and well adjusted and not feel cheated at all and there is plenty of time when they are older to buy stuff when they actually express a desire for it!

Yanbu. It seems that many people really do go to ridiculous extremes when buying their dc Christmas presents. I was unaware of this until I joined Mumsnet.

We are buying our two dc a new bike each this year. Obviously they don't have that every year (infact dd's last bike was 3rd hand). That will be it from us, along with a stocking.

We have grandparents and inlaws begging us for present ideas ... they can buy the other middle sized presents.

Mind boggles at buying 30 presents for your kids + Christmas pyjamas + Christmas Eve Hamper plus all the rest of it.

I don't like it at either end of the spectrum. I don't like people slagging off those who buy a lot for their DC just as much as the ones who do it to those who buy a little.

^^This.

I think it's rude of people, even friends, to ask how much you are spending. I've never been asked. People might ask, in conversation, what ds has asked for and I've said Lego or a wii or whatever it was that year. Some years ds has had second hand stuff and some years he's had expensive stuff and some yearsI've had to say no to certain things

I wonder if there's a correlation between being comfortably-off (not rich, but not desperately budgeting all the time) and having the confidence not to spend lots at Christmas.

If you have enough money all year, you can buy them things as and when (within reason, obviously) but if Christmas is the only time of the year you can afford to buy nice things you might feel more internal pressure to do so?

I'm spending £30 on each DC. Does that make me mean or clever?

Horry I think that is probably a fair hypothesis - not necessarily the confidence, but the ability to buy as and when. Until MN I'd not come across "something to wear, something to read, something you want and something you need" - Christmas has always just been "something you want", as the others happened periodically throughout the year.

You might be right Horry.

Also, here's a tip: don't set up the expectation that father Christmas can bring anything. There are so many children in the world now, so his elves make things for children in very poor countries with no families even. you save up and send money to father Christmas to pay for the presents that he might or might not bring. That's what I've always said.

YANBU. It's not fair for other people to probe how much you are spending, and its crap that other people are judging you based on your budget. But conversely, don't judge their parenting decisions either by calling them 'spoiled'- it doesn't make you a better person just because you are more humble.

My kid's are currently playing with the cats cushion!, I think each to their own and what you personally can afford for Christmas. Clearly all toys in this house are a waste at the moment due to the cat cushion being the choice this evening

Little kids don't care. They will love whatever you have bought them, ignore said "friend".

And older ones don't get excited about clementines and toothbrushes in stockings. [Speaking from experience]

Something to wear
Something to read
Something they want
Something they need

Done.

Mortified, I know it neither scans nor rhymes but don't forget "and a satsuma"

I'm a total hypocrite on this- I hate the thought of my children getting a pile of presents, but love giving them a crammed full stocking

They get one or two presents from me, another (smallish) present from FC and a stocking full of useful stuff, chocolate and tat.

at the cats cushion. That did make me laugh.

For the record, I am not slagging them off for saying their kids are spoilt, they are and sadly this is a fact. As in the kids want something, they get it. I didn't think they ever get told its not possible/affordable etc, and these people aren't well off which is why I understand it less, it would make more sense if they were comfortably off.

I also don't do the competitive budgeting thing either, its just we have a certain budget (which I haven't mentioned figures in the OP for that reason) which suits us, I just get fed up with people thinking we are tight for not getting mountains of stuff.

Even when the DCs only have a few things to open, they have to be reminded about the rest because they are generally so excited by what they have already opened and want to start playing.

I also feel I have had a few looks because some of the bits came from ebay. Its stuff you can't actually buy anymore but I know my DS is going to love it so that's all that matters. I just feel chuffed at having a bargain.

I never comment to them about the amount they spend/amount of presents there are. I keep my thoughts to myself, unlike them. They also asked how much I spent, it wouldn't have occurred to me to volunteer that information or to ask them because, honestly, who gives a flying fuck!

I think one in particular its some sort of guilt/competition thing. She mentions many things like reading levels etc and I get a bit tired of hearing it, I just smile and nod along now.

I don't budget per child. Impossible to spend the same ESP when there is a big age gap IMO.
I buy what they have asked for and what I think they will like/need.
Have gone a bit mad this year tbh...I blame the Xmas bargain thread! :)

My kids don't get spoilt in the slightest by relatives, and while I don't want them to be spoilt, I am also slightly sad that our families don't seem to make as much effort as my friends families (I get a run down of all the things their families have bought for their kids, its way over the top but I still feel sad, can't really explain it myself

We have this too. Friends have families that shower the dc in toys, its all up to us in our house, in spite of there being some relatives who could do some spoiling.

When my DD was 4 we got her main present from freecyle and it was the most played with and wanted gift, and then a dressing up dress for £2 from a car boot, worn all year.

I would never give my DC only a handful of presents to open, but I do believe going to places like Toys r us etc is a total waste of money.

On the other hand, I do know of some children whose DP are very wealthy, and they do get lots and have a huge toy room stuffed with toys but they are not, not in the slightest bit spoilt at all.

I do not think giving lots of toys automatically = spoilt.

BTW this year I stressed and stressed and got caught up in the Hudl hype and was soo tempted to get one, but I thought how can we beat it next year?

So we already have most of this years stuff and next year she will have the Hudl with tesco vouchers and only a few other items.