AIBU to be pissed off that people keep trying to get me to buy my kids more for Christmas?

[CrapBag]

I am getting sooo fed up with people implying that I am not spending enough or getting my kids enough presents for Christmas.

We don't have a lot of money, I like to have a budget and stick to it, and we have done it this year. One time I mentioned my budget to a friend and she was horrified as she spends 4x the amount on her kids, then all the stuff they get from relatives, they are pretty spoilt tbh.

My kids are not in the slightest materialistic, they would be perfectly happy with a few small things, although we have got them more than this. Plus we don't have the space to put loads and loads of new toys. They do get things that they want, its not like we get them some old shit that they won't like which is what I feel is implied sometimes.

I had a couple of friends tell me that they have got their kids 30+ presents! That's not including relatives who all spoil them as well. My kids don't get spoilt in the slightest by relatives, and while I don't want them to be spoilt, I am also slightly sad that our families don't seem to make as much effort as my friends families (I get a run down of all the things their families have bought for their kids, its way over the top but I still feel sad, can't really explain it myself).

A friend has been asking DD (2) what she wants. There are 2 things, neither of which are big or expensive. She is getting more as well but my friend kept trying to get DD to add more things to her 'list ' in order to make me buy her more.

Another friend told me I should buy my DS something else he likes, that is another £80! As in, "oh its only that, go on buy it for him" This is much more than his entire budget.

There will be plenty of years where they want big expensive things and these earlier years mean you can get away with buying less. I have been accused of being tight on more than 1 occasion because I don't constantly spend money (that I don't have) and I am getting really fucking fed up of it! AIBU.

This is the thing I have Gobbolino,

Most children I know have tvs in their rooms, from about the age of 4, ipods or something similar, DS's from very young ages, tablets, Xboxes, Wii's and all sorts of stuff like this. If I started getting stuff like this now, what the hell would you get them when they were older? Surely this is the age for toys.

Xmas bargain thread!!! I want to look but I probably shouldn't. We had already got all of our stuff then we saw something that was a bargain and picked it up. I do the same every year, buy early then see great bargains after.

Your children are young, get away with spending as little as you can now, as they cost more as they get older, toys get smaller and more expensive...though I might buy a few cat cushions this year!

I too have bought from Ebay as my ds was Postman Pat obsessed before it became popular again, I got some great second hand stuff that was played with for a really long time, I shall be scanning it again this year for bargins! Do what you are comfortable with and ignore the rest.

So glad to hear people talking sense for once!

I've been horrified at times when I hear what parents are buying their DC.

There was an awful thread on Netmums another forum recently where they all listed the 20 plus presents they had bought for their little princesses!

Like you OP, we limit the number of gifts and will only spend what is necessary. Yes, the amount has undoubtedly gone up as they got older, but we still do not over-spend.

I think YANBU. I've bought one thing for my son. A 'That's not my donkey' book. It was £3. He will love it. He'll only be 11 months at Christmas and I just don't see the need to get more, I buy him toys and clothes whenever he needs more (and I buy him books whenever because, y'know, books, books are great... although they are usually secondhand).

Oh, I lie, I bought him an elf onesie from Sainsbury's too

A friend was complaining about how difficult she was finding it getting rid of her children's old toys to make space for what Father Christmas would bring. My suggestion that maybe if they've got that many toys they love, maybe she should save her money and not buy zillions more went down like a cup of cold sick.

I always wonder why it matters to others what you buy, or how much you spend. Like all our DCs are in their rooms on Boxing Day totalling it up!! (I would still be impressed if mine was as she'll be 10 months!)
DD has a noisy Noah's ark and a cloudbaby with a DVD. My ILs will go nuts, that's their choice we haven't asked for it. My dad has got her a few bits and my stepdad is making her something.
Christmas is a special time for family as far as I'm concerned, if everyone has a great time and you do it on a budget or you spend thousands- doesn't matter

I used to know someone whose partner spent at least £300 on each if his DCs. That was just at his house - their mum spent about the same. She said there was so much that not everything got opened! She encouraged them to have a cull one November and found several wrapped presents from the previous year!

DD is 1. She's getting a wooden train set she'll love from us, and I expect her GPs will buy her stuff too. She's 1 ffs! I keep getting told I'm cruel!

YANBU!

DD1 (2.6) stocking of useful things- rucksack for nursery, fleece plus one small toy. Tree present of jigsaw and book.

DD2 (7 months) no stocking- noisy treasure basket of wooden instruments wrapped in space blanket. Tree present of snowman soft toy and book.

No real money issues, I just hate excess!

Oooh budget (guessing) total of £50 between both of them?

I agree dc are getting too much. For me it just creates more housework picking it up and then feeling cross if they don't play with it! Im thinking about replacing the beautiful embroidered velvet santa sacks that I got them for their first Christmas. They are just too big and I feel the need to fill them. I felt embarrassed when I visited friends last Christmas eve and saw the small stockings hanging from the mantelpiece mine would have brought the shelf down. I thought everyone was doing large stockings. I really hope I can stay strong and cut back and hope the corny Christmas music doesn't get to me whilst I try to create my Christmas fantasy.
The only thing that Ive started doing to help spread the cost is not giving the dc any new toys from about late September. When I do want to buy something for them I squirrel it away in the cupboard for Christmas. That way I will have enough for when relatives give me money to buy things for them. Also I hate crowds so should avoid last minute rush and hopefully overspend temptation. The unopened presents mentioned up thread resonated with me. There are several games for each of my dc that they have not bothered with. I have even fantasised about wrapping them up again and regifting it to them LOL

YANBU - we don't have much money at all, DP would spend money we don't have if he could. We didn't spend a lot last year and DD1 hasn't played with what she got that much. What she does remember is the stocking, and the joy of getting lots of little things.

DDs don't get much in the year either, unless I pick things up in Charity Shops.

OP YANBU. But you maybe need to think of a way not to get into this conversation tbh. I like the suggestion upthread of being breezily vague and suggesting you haven't even thought about it yet.

(you maybe need a similar approach to reading level discussions too!)

Find this really interesting. I'm in the process of decluttering the toys atm, & have decided thatc I've had enough of all the latest things. All the boys have played with really are cars, lego, dress up, board games, foam swords etc.

Have decided on to stick to the 'classics' with them now on. Also mentioned to DP the idea of not having a set budget per child, just to buy what we're buying and if one is more then the other than so be it. So simple yet never thought to do this.

I dont understand situations like this these people who are telling you that you should buy more are not paying for it are they? So why bother about what they think? My friends have no idea what I am buying my kids as I do not tell them

Oddly enough, I had a conversation about this with adult DC's recently.

They really could not remember anything about Christmas presents other than each remembering one or two major highlights....from their entire childhoods!!

What they do recall vividly are the family traditions, and the excitement of coming down to a Tree which FC had visited ...but not the contents of those gifts, year on year. The contents really didn't matter much in the long term.
They fondly remembered the contents of stockings ...small inexpensive bits which repeated year on year....more "tradition".

I would not knowingly disappoint a child at Christmas ... but that doesn't mean you can't manage expectation before that situation arises.
As for the rest of the gift giving pressure ...smile sweetly and say "each to his own" in the absolute certain knowledge that in 20 years time their children will not remember a single one of those multiple gifts.

That's a great way of looking at it Festive.

I remember a lot of stuff I was given, mainly because there are photos that jog my memory. I remember certain things like getting Mr Frosty and that I was going to have the My Little Pony castle that I really wanted but when my relative went to get it, it had been discontinued. I was really disappointed, they weren't lying btw .

I got told last year by several parents we were condemning our DC to a backwards childhood and limiting their exposure to IT as we were not buying electronic goods.

Both DH and I work in IT and know much more about it than these parents.

Previous years I have over bought presents - no just toys. It was insecurity - feeling under pressure that everyone had a good day- and starting buying to far in advance.

This year finally DH is actually helping with present ideas and buying - and it's helping a lot to avoid this pit fall. I think less will be more this Christmas for the DC - plus we are for eldest starting to get to point electronic gadgets - in this case a second hand kindle - have a place.

Have no prob with people spending lots, especially on one big gift when they're tweens and teens.

But for the mo dd got nothing from us for 1st birthday and will probably get nothing for 1st xmas...of course in reality she'll get a ton of presents from friends and family. But up until about 2yrs old most kids would be happy with a wrapped up biro.

Also this whole 'teach them the real meaning of xmas' nonsense is just that...nonsense. It means different things to different people. To me it's about family, food and presents.

"wrapped up biro"

Add to that a box, some paper to rip up, some cardboard tubes as a telescope and most kids would be very happy.

YANBU, good on you for being sensible and sticking to your budget. Ignore the stirrers :)

I have 4 DCs and the house is engulfed with plastic tat as it is, this year they are getting one big thing from FC, one little thing and one thing from us. I'm making up craft sets for done of them and loads of books you can never have too many books

Your children sound fab - and you won't be going into the New Year with a ton of debt! If anyone says anything to you tell them to fuck off!

I am no fan of Christmas and am an atheist but I am saddened that a Christian event has become something that brings out the ugliest of human traits. Op, yanbu.

It makes not one jot of difference what you do. What's right for your family is right. If you want to get them 2 presents...super. If you want to get them 40 presents...super. Don't be judgey about other people who buy a different amount to you. You feel your way is right. They feel their way is right. The only difference is that they are trying to impose their way on to you, so just smile and ignore.