to warn you that you may have to prove your dc is actually your dc if you have a different surname

[ShhhhNewName]

Name change for this as I've written about it publicly as me...if that makes sense?

dd (11) has my xp's surname, we were never married. I married my dh last year and I took his surname. We have travelled quite a bit with dd and I have often wondered what the powers that be in border control make of it, especially pre-marriage when all three of us had different surnames.

But apart from one time coming back to the UK on a flight from Spain, it has never been raised as an issue. Even then they just asked how dd was related and I said, she's my dd

Returning from France a couple of weeks ago, we were stopped at border control and questioned much more thoroughly. We were trying to board a ferry and dd was questioned as to how she was related to us. I was asked to prove myself by showing documents that connected dd to me as her mother. I couldn't produce them. Luckily as dd is 11 she was able to answer numerous questions such as DOBs of her parents, where they were born, other places she'd travelled, so we were ok and dd is a bit of a performer and just thought it was all a bit of an adventure.

We were given a leaflet which explained that due to tightening of regulations, children with a different name to their guardians would be questioned in this way should documents not be available and that should there be a problem proving parentage, travel may be refused and relevant authorities called.

Although I thought it was odd that we didn't have these checks when leaving the country (which may have been more pertinent) I didn't feel singled out or distressed, neither did dh or dd. The lady was very nice and professional blah blah.

I'm warning you because a younger child or a child with special needs might be distressed by this situation and indeed might not be able to answer relevant questions.

I'm not thrilled about carrying even more documents around (I'm always worried I'll lose the passports) but I do think it makes sense and I don't mind hold ups if they make our children safer. However I think it's definitely something that should be made more public and that families ought to be aware of before they travel.

PS. This happened when travelling by ferry, so I'm not sure whether it applies when travelling by plane.

Damnautocorrect: I think that's why it's all a bit silly and doesn't in any way reflect patterns in society. Sharing a surname doesn't mean that you are in any way related to someone, and not sharing a surname doesn't mean that you are not. And, as you say, the parent or another relative who shares a surname could just as easily be abducting the child as one who doesn't.

From what others have said they are being vigilant about everyone (though inevitably some people are more scrutinised than others). If you happen to have a different surname to your dcs that's likely to be something they ask you about. A lone man travelling with a child of matching surname is not going to be waved through just because he has the same surname. They will use some other way of trying to check all is as it should be.

'so is it only the parent with a different surname that abducts?'

No, but I don't think legally you have to provide written permission from other parent. However the correct documentation will prove at least that you are one of the parents

My elderly aunt was prevented from travelling to Britain from Gare du Nord with her 11 year old grandson as she did not have a letter of permission from my cousin.

Mind you, I remember being questioned intensively by an Israeli soldier on my way out of the country and I was so freaked out ,I couldn't remember a bloody thing - how long i'd been there, where I stayed etc etc DP was like this and then as I went on digging myself a hole. Soldier correctly concluded I was a complete fuckwit and let us leave the promised land, thank God.

A lone man travelling with a child of matching surname is not going to be waved through just because he has the same surname

Well hopefully they would treat a lone woman the same way.

I just find it bizarre that parents names (and even a photo) aren't some of the details that are contained on the chip in the passport.

Surely putting it on the scanner & having all the info pop up on the screen in front of anyone authorised can't be that hard?

Pretty sure that the "professional" traffickers will have passports for the kids that'll go straight through the system anyway...

A friend used to have similar problems. She is Indian and her hubby German. Her sons have their dads surname (she kept her maiden name).

Never tell German customs 'I stole them' when asked...

There was a nice motherly middle aged lady managing the immigration queue on a recent holiday. I noticed that she was taking special care to exchange a few words with all the children in the queue in a very natural way and my spidey senses told me that there was more to it than just liking kids.

A good thing on the whole, but thanks for putting up the notification OP - who knows how many lurkers have been spared a very tedious interrogation.

I was at Bangkok customs, holding dd who was 6 months old, and being quizzed by the customs lady, who then called over her co workers to coo over her. All lovely, except dh was with ds behind us at the line, and dh had the terrible runs:)

I used to be on my dm passport, i didn't have my own til a teen, I think. Why did it change? Might save a lot of trouble. Unless, of course, your child often travels with gp or unaccompanied travel on airlines.

This is why my DD is called hissurname-mysurname.

It' s all a bit of a mess. You don't have to have a passport to travel between EU countries (I have travelled without one).
If DCs have same name as parent travelling with them or parent is on birth cert. It doesn't mean the other parent has given consent. This worries my sister as she fears her ex will take children away to country of his birth. What if children are travelling with friends or grandparents? Surely, only a letter of consent from other parent will do?
But what insurance is a letter unless it is notarised? Once, when I was working offshore my DP had to rush back to country of birth with our DCs (1 & 2yrs) as DMil was dying. DP was worried about this so wrote a letter and forged my signature. Letters seem a waste of time.

Do you even legally need both parents consent to take children abroad? What if you can't locate other parent?
Although the USA seem to be very tough on this going by my friends experience of trying to bring her DD back to Ireland with her after divorce there.
I know other friends who regularly take their DCs to Pakistan without letter of consent from other parent.

I think a parent or other who is trying to abduct a child would be much more likely to plan it, and have the right documents, letters etc. It can be easily done.
Meanwhile you could have the situation of a vindictive and violent ex partner refusing to let DCs out of country for holiday just for his own spiteful reasons.

I currently have my maiden name on my ID as it's a long involved process getting it changed and then getting a replacement document - however, as far as the UK is concerned, my last name has been changed to my DHs.

Apparently this is fine and legal, but I can foresee problems travelling to see grandparents once our DC is born as we'll have different surnames. I'm fully prepared to have to shlepp around birth certificate, marriage license and letter from DH if he's not with us.

Oh, and to take this further - if I ever wanted a German ID for DC, despite having my DHs name on the birth certificate I've heard of a case where they insisted the mother's maiden name goes on the ID because that's what German law says.

I will get my name changed at some point, but there's tons of paperwork and also costs involved and I just haven't been able to face the thought yet.

Not sure if this will help anyone who has changed their name by deedpoll, but I looked into this last year before a trip abroad. I would have had to take birth certificate, marriage certificate, decree absolute and deed poll certificate just to show all the different names I had been known by since the registration of my son's birth.

The registry office said that I couldn't re-register on the basis of having a new name. However, as I hadn't re-registered his birth when I got married to his father, the registry office was able to re-register him (to reflect the fact we had married) and used that re-registration to include my new deedpoll name (well it says married name and then now known as XXX) but means I now only have to carry this one birth certificate.

It's a bit stupid - eg sil in middle of getting divorced from bil - she didn't change her name - so kids have his name. She has custody. So she'd be questioned if she took them on holiday but he wouldn't be questioned if he abducted them as they have same surname????