to warn you that you may have to prove your dc is actually your dc if you have a different surname

[ShhhhNewName]

Name change for this as I've written about it publicly as me...if that makes sense?

dd (11) has my xp's surname, we were never married. I married my dh last year and I took his surname. We have travelled quite a bit with dd and I have often wondered what the powers that be in border control make of it, especially pre-marriage when all three of us had different surnames.

But apart from one time coming back to the UK on a flight from Spain, it has never been raised as an issue. Even then they just asked how dd was related and I said, she's my dd

Returning from France a couple of weeks ago, we were stopped at border control and questioned much more thoroughly. We were trying to board a ferry and dd was questioned as to how she was related to us. I was asked to prove myself by showing documents that connected dd to me as her mother. I couldn't produce them. Luckily as dd is 11 she was able to answer numerous questions such as DOBs of her parents, where they were born, other places she'd travelled, so we were ok and dd is a bit of a performer and just thought it was all a bit of an adventure.

We were given a leaflet which explained that due to tightening of regulations, children with a different name to their guardians would be questioned in this way should documents not be available and that should there be a problem proving parentage, travel may be refused and relevant authorities called.

Although I thought it was odd that we didn't have these checks when leaving the country (which may have been more pertinent) I didn't feel singled out or distressed, neither did dh or dd. The lady was very nice and professional blah blah.

I'm warning you because a younger child or a child with special needs might be distressed by this situation and indeed might not be able to answer relevant questions.

I'm not thrilled about carrying even more documents around (I'm always worried I'll lose the passports) but I do think it makes sense and I don't mind hold ups if they make our children safer. However I think it's definitely something that should be made more public and that families ought to be aware of before they travel.

PS. This happened when travelling by ferry, so I'm not sure whether it applies when travelling by plane.

exexpat that's what I thought. Bearing in mind the comments about trafficking and child abduction. We recently drove with dd (very pretty, blonde, on the cusp of adolescence) all the way to Italy and back and nobody said two words to any of us. We have the same surname, but she is different. Really she could've been someone else's child taken for god knows what horrendous reason.

I was actually worried that that could even happen as we couldn't been anyone, they barely acknowledged that we had a sleeping child in the car!

So i'm glad about this but hope it will be enforced when leaving the UK

Minimonty, wow that's brilliant! Dh and I have always commented how friendly the staff are at airports, I now know why. I must look dodgy as they always talk to my dc's, lol.

It actually makes me very pleased that children have this protection.

I'd read about this on MN, but didn't really pay much attention until it happened to me.

When your DC are old enough to state confidently who you are, purpose of journey etc and be believed, the need for extra documents falls away. I think the questioners are looking for how you all interact as much as your actual answers. Documents would definitely be required for infants.

And anyone who is married, but hasn't formally changed their name, can (I think) ask to have an endorsement put in their passport giving married surname - it would irk me, but it might be helpful if you ever leave BCs behind.

I think the way they pay more attention to parents with different surnames from their children is crazy too. Plenty of divorced fathers with the same name as their children have left the UK without permission from the children's mother and never brought the children back. And there are huge numbers of women with different surnames from their children who travel with them quite legitimately. If they are going to check, they should check everyone travelling with children, whether they are by themselves or with a partner - as pepe says, even if a couple both have the same name as the children, they aren't necessarily both their parents.

When googling, I found this story (Daily Mail, sorry) about a woman who has the same surname as her stepdaughter, but not her own daughter - so gets asked questions about her own daughter, but not about the stepdaughter. Crazy.

Thanks for this thread ShhhhNewName as I've never heard of this happening before, and I've only gone abroad with DS once.

However, since Ds' birth certificate was issued, I have changed my first name by deed of poll. I suppose I'll have to bring ds birth certificate AND my deed of poll...even so, I can imagine this raising a few eyebrows.

Yes much better children are traffiked. Weird thing to be outraged about

Before I had dual nationality. I flew with my eldest who had a different name and passport and the only countries that asked out of UK, Norway, Nz, Oz,, Thailand and Malaysia was Norway and Oz. I had my wedfing certificate and her birth certificate with me jyst in case. This was around a decade a go. We are all in nameharmony now!

Actually this is nothing new. I used to travel regularly abroad with my uncle and cousin when I was about 8 in the early 1960s. We all had different surnames. After a long grilling by French customs on one occasion I always had a letter signed by my father in my passport.

I have been stopped and questioned and my children have the same name as me. My friend was separated from hers at an airport just a couple of weeks ago and they all have the same name too.

Dd is nearly one and we were stopped in Hungary when leaving the country. They asked how we were related than about the father. When told them he died, they asked for death certificate. Even though he is not on birth certificate yet. I carry both with me as we have British passports but different surnames.

I travel a lot with my young dc without dh. Ds, from when he could walk, has always been asked questions by border control, such as " is this your mummy?" And " where's your daddy, not traveling today?" And " what's your name?" Once ds, the little prankster said " no, she not my mummy!!" Then in the silence said " hahahha! Of course she is!"

Dd gets asked as well, but she tends to answer to whatever made up name she has at the the time so it can be annoying - for instance she will say " no, my name is princes rosie" or something.

My children have different coloured hair to me, and each other, and ds is very striking.

They like to search my handbag every single time as well.

The different surname is a bit of a red herring tbh.

Yes, different surnames are picked up on, but far more likely to be tagged are one adult travelling with a child.

(and the entire population of Italy and Spain, and no doubt other countries that I'm not aware of, would spend a long time at ppt control if it was the surname thing that got flagged up!)

For those travelling alone with minors there are numerous websites where you can download the template letter of consent from the other parent without which you might find yourself held up. (of course the only time I forget mine is the only time I get stopped!)

We have never had any issues - DP & DC share a surname, I have my own - & I grew up in a family without the same surname, never had any issues either. But I did include my surname as one of my children's middle names partly so that there was a visible naming trail to me with this in mind.

I was caught out on the way back from the States last year (DP and I have different names and DS has his surname), when DS and I were travelling alone. I got out of the UK, into the USA, out of the USA, but only on returning back to the UK did somebody say something. Pretty pointless at that juncture, innit?

He was 2.5 at the time and was able to say I'm his mummy.

But here's the real clincher: up until that very moment, I had no idea my name wasn't somewhere in his passport (there's a page in UK passports for special notations). I thought this was possible, and we had requested it (PedantMarina is mother of DPSon) and been told "yes, of course". So, a bit of a surprise that they didn't do it.

Drank Sangria. My children have Italian IDs for travel within Europe . However when travelling outside Italy they HAVE to be used with a copy of a birth certificate which is multilingual . This was issused with the ID. Since the introduction of this at many borders this is checked as we have different surnames and travel regularly without dh. I also carry with the passports when needed as they have dual .
I am all for it btw....

Hey Rosa, it's me, Buch!

I am currently thinking of getting dd a Italian doc for travelling, so that's useful to know! (Will the queue at the office also provide me with another chapter???? )

Pedant has suggested exactly what I was about to say. Surely the easiest thing to do is have the parents' names stated in a child's passport, including mother's maiden name. If mother has changed names since then she just needs to then take the relevant document.

But having the mother's name in the passport doesn't help if the mother is removing her child from one country to another against the specific wishes of the father....which is what all these checks are really being done for (in the case of the one parent travelling with child scenario)

Ok that makes sense, but at least it would be one less document to carry.

Agree it's not clear. Having parents' names in children's passports in an official way - i.e. not just written in would at least help prevent strangers taking children out the country but not if it's one parent abducting them.

The other confusing point is men of children born before 2003 I think it was don't have automatic parental responsibility so why does the mother have to have a notarised letter off them. I've even printed that off one of the government's websites. Border control in the UK don't seem to realise this so you can't expect border control of other countries to know it - so basically it's not relevant. I've been asked a few times - child born before 2003, not married although father's name is on birth certificate, even though he doesn't have parental responsibility. Something consistent needs to be in place. I've more often than not been asked coming into the UK. Luckily he's old enough to speak for himself but there'll be cases where a child isn't.

I think parent's with parental responsibility should be listed officially in the child's passport - then again if a child is removed from it's birth family how does the UK passport office keep up with that?

What I did for a while was get a notarised letter off DS's dad even though he has no parental responsibility (very annoying to do and spend £70 each time for it too!). Last time border staff said to put in a copy of the birth certificate but that could be forged without not much effort I would think.

I was let in once as I had our medical cards once showing the same address and also travel insurance with both names on but these aren't fail safe if someone is actually abducting a child. Government needs to come up with a solution as it's messy, unclear and unsafe.

I don't understand what a letter proves. It could be written by anyone?

I already assumed I would need to travel with the DC's birth certificates. Although I don't plan to go abroad for a few years yet.

But it wouldn't be possible to get a letter from their absent dad. In fact, it's worrying that despite not seeing them in 5yrs them he could potentially abduct them with no questions asked because they share the same surname. Although as he wouldn't be able to control them I would hope it would be a red flag to border control.

Wouldn't it be better if there were some system that flags up when kids are travelling without the consent of a parent?

Curious to know if this has ever stopped a kidnapping!

Theodorous - I don't think anyone is saying that there shouldn't be any checks - just warning that passport control are increasingly asking for extra documentation, but there has been no publicity about it so many people get caught out, which can be distressing. Also, the things they ask/people they check aren't necessarily going to help with stopping trafficking or abductions.