to not make her a seperate meal?

[fairy1303]

DSD lives here full time.

She is currently having a massive meltdown because I have told her we are having... shock horror... CASSEROLE for dinner.

We have this about once a month, it's cheap, easy, healthy.
I know she doesn't like it.

I have said that is what we are having, no I won't make a seperate meal.
She is telling me not to serve her any. She doesn't want it. She is crying because she 'isn't allowed any dinner'. She has phoned MIL to tell her. She is about to phone my mum to tell her too. She has phoned daddy at work to tell him.

Now, I'm pretty strict. I'm also aware of the wsm stuff.

AIBU to say: that is what we are having. There will be nothing else?

Or am I being too hard on her?

She's 8

Lots of people falling over themselves to prove how tough, unrelenting and hard-assed they are about parenting. I don't know.. I didn't realise the dinner table was meant to be some kind of battle ground? I guess everyone's got different values.

No battle ground here. You'll find that kids respond much better when they know where they stand and what the rules are. So much better than pandering, wastage and giving in to every whim.

My kids went through phases of not liking/wanting lots of foods, but I have always served up. They know its that or nothing. Now there are a couple of foods both kids genuinely dislike that I would not dream of serving up to them, but they both have a good wide range of food they eat. I think you did the right thing fairy.

I like pulses, but the "casserole" recipe makes me want to fart, I'm afraid.

My god. And you thought it was just your MIL who was mad, eh OP?

I think the point to the original posting was not that a child, on a whim, decided that something she has eaten often was not acceptable, nor was it as some have assumed asking for a critique on your cooking skills or several baseless assumptions about your abilities as a stepmother. It seems to me that the crux of the matter is that having been told she was not getting her way your DSD rang your MIL to whine and also to lie that she was not being allowed any dinner. Is that right?

So the problem seems to be that your DSD, in the light of your MIL's insane behaviour as detailed on other threads, has sensed a weakness and is trying to divide and conquer. Obviously that needs to be knocked on the head and I think you were justified in refusing to give in. There cannot be multiple parenting options allowed to overrule each other in your situation; there can only be you and your DH.

Your MIL does not seem the type to reinforce your parenting, she likes to try and undermine you (swimsuit stealing, letting herself into your house to tidy etc) so I think you and your DH need to nip this in the bud before DSD gets the idea that she can run to granny for support and ignore you. If she starts that her teens will be a living hell for all of you.

In the light of that I think you were perfectly reasonable and also incredibly restrained in your responses here to people who either lack the inclination or the capacity to read and comprehend the original post, preferring instead to push their own holier than thou agenda

I don't pander or waste food. I just work with DS realistically and respectfully. He stopped eating some things at 18 months and in no way was I going to make my baby go hungry just to make a point. After all, this is a normal, biological stage. He is now widening his tastes again - slowly. That is fine. He will end up eating everything like DH who was exactly the same (I was a human dustbin, so the comolete opposite).

I will also say, toys, that I put a lot of effort in to my parenting. I became a step parent at 21 and had no idea about kids so though I owed it to her to do as much research etc as possible.

Because DSD had such a tough start to life she has a few behavioural issues, attachment issues etc and as I result of that I am istrict - in the sense that I have reasonable rules, that are stuck to, consistently.

She absolutely has to know where she stands at home.

Kids need rules, boundaries, and consistency. It makes them feel safe.

I don't agree with forcing a child to eat a meal they don't like, or not providing an alternative when everyone else is eating something they don't like - everyone is allowed to have food dislikes!

But really the way the OP dealt with it was perfect, and DID provide her daughter with options as to what was eaten.

And we do have rules. CS eats many things I guarantee most children would not touch with a barge pole, so I think I'm doing pretty well. Or actually, HE is doing well. Little to do with me.

There seems to be so much drama surrounding food in many houses. All of the "you must eat what you are served" and "you must eat two bites of this and three bites of that" and "you must eat ABC before you eat XYZ." It sounds so exhausting and tense.

I agree with whatelseisthere above. I'm not British either, so some of the posts on this thread are utterly baffling to me.

I also think that sometimes people forget what it feels like to be a child. I was a fairly fussy child and couldn't bear to eat things like casseroles. So many things tasted too strong for me, and the thought of having to eat something I disliked was really overwhelming. To their eternal credit, my parents never forced me to eat anything I didn't want to. They didn't create entirely separate meals for me, but there was always something available that I liked, even when the rest of the family ate the dreaded casseroles! I now eat virtually anything, so I don't buy the notion that being sensitive to a child's food aversions will create an adult who only eats sausages and chips.

BTW, one of my brothers was an adventurous eater from toddlerhood on. I think that in many cases fussiness/lack of fussiness has little or nothing to do with parents at all but is just the way the child happens to be.

Quite right. Judging by what you have said so far, I think you are lucky tbh.

Really, fairy!? Ffs I know DS does the work. I really do not give myself credit for things he does.

At least you have some insight :).

I would like to thank fairy for starting this thread, I know it wasn't her intention to entertain but it has been wonderfully entertaining!
I have just been catching up and LaQueen with :

And she immediately adopts a faux lightly soothing voice "Now, come on darling, remember how we discussed this last time? About how your behaviour can affect others around you, and make them feel sad and confused. And, remember how we talked about needing to start taking responsibility for our actions and telling Mummy what you want more effectively"

He. Doesn't. Understand. A. Single. Word. You're. Saying. To. Him.

almost made me choke on my tea!

Would you cook your DP a meal you know he doesn't like?

Of course I would! I wouldn't if he hated it, the same as I wouldn't if the children really hated it, but that should be less than 5 things.
I have meals that I don't particularly like, they happen to be the children's favourite. It is called family life.

In fact, I was quite strict, and did all the hard, ground-work back when our DDs were 2-3 years old...and ever since, it's been a doddle, really.

Like Brian says, they know what the ground rules are - I always say exactly what I mean, and mean exactly what I say. So, everyone knows where they stand.

Makes life so much simpler, for everyone concerned.

I agree with all 3 statements and it makes for a happier life for all.

Can this be called Casserolegate from now on?

I think it ought to be! MN at it's best, or worst, (depending on point of view).

Lots of people falling over themselves to prove how tough, unrelenting and hard-assed they are about parenting. I don't know.. I didn't realise the dinner table was meant to be some kind of battle ground? I guess everyone's got different values.

No battle ground here either. I cook it. I serve it. I eat mine. They eat theirs. Or not. Whatevs.

Fairy, you crack me up. Good jo I don't need tena's. You know how the nature vs. nurture "debate" is nowadays?

The fact that you establish that you are not a restaurant means that you never have a battle ground, it also makes a restaurant a special occasion where you all order what you feel like according to mood and the whim of the moment.
Life is so much easier if you let people take ownership of their own problem. I can't see why Mum has to be a doormat lumbered with everyone else's problems.
As SaucyJack says 'I cook it. I serve it. I eat mine. They eat theirs. Or not. Whatevs.' Their problem, their decision.

I am very grateful that my mother always served sprouts regardless and expected me to eat one. Otherwise I would never have found that they are a favourite vegetable now I am an adult.

Pan fried brussel sprouts with pancetta will banish the memories of over boiled farty sprouts forever. Yum.

You are making me hungry, squoosh!

What would you do if I told you she was having left over casserole for dinner??

Oh Lordy, why are people still making references to children being 'forced' to eat things they don't like when not one person on this thread is advocating using force.

No battle grounds in my house either - all my DCs will eat pretty much anything although they each have one or two things that they just won't eat.

DS for example hates chick peas but the rest of us enjoy chick pea, chorizo and prawn stew. It's really no effort to cook DS pasta or similar when we have that.

I raise you to pan fried sprouts with breadbrumbs brown sugar and cinnamon and lots of butter.