to not make her a seperate meal?

[fairy1303]

DSD lives here full time.

She is currently having a massive meltdown because I have told her we are having... shock horror... CASSEROLE for dinner.

We have this about once a month, it's cheap, easy, healthy.
I know she doesn't like it.

I have said that is what we are having, no I won't make a seperate meal.
She is telling me not to serve her any. She doesn't want it. She is crying because she 'isn't allowed any dinner'. She has phoned MIL to tell her. She is about to phone my mum to tell her too. She has phoned daddy at work to tell him.

Now, I'm pretty strict. I'm also aware of the wsm stuff.

AIBU to say: that is what we are having. There will be nothing else?

Or am I being too hard on her?

She's 8

Gosh- 425 posts and many appear to think that OP deliberately served a meal the child didn't like or that a casserole without meat is disgusting or that if a child doesn't particularly fancy something you ditch it and cook them an alternative. ( I won't even start on those who don't use leftovers!).
All I can say is that some of you must have lots of money and time and are happy to ignore a healthy balanced diet and leave the child in charge!

The facts were that OP served a meal that had been served before, she had eaten it before, but on that particular night she had a little strop and didn't fancy it. OP ignored a little strop ( the only sensible thing to do)
The child ate the casserole without fuss or further unpleasantness. The child will have forgotten all about it and moved on, as people should on here once they got the update.

I can see why vegetarians get fed up when a perfectly pleasant meal is called 'disgusting' merely because it doesn't contain meat and probably by people who have never eaten a lentil!You would hope that father and grandmother, if rung, had enough common sense to say 'oh dear, you will have to go hungry then' and change the subject.

Dolcelatte is quite amazing in her take on the situation and should take up fiction writing! (Not to mention trying some vegetarian casseroles!)

What does her father think? You say you are strict but she's your step daughter so I assume he's the one who actually parents her.

It amazes me how many people don't seem to have bothered reading the OP's posts for a start.

The dsd was offered an alternative to the meal (a sandwich) which she then refused. Once the OP was dishing up and adding cheese the dsd decided that she would have a try - and then she polished off the lot. Doesn't sound traumatic to me. Sounds like an 8 year old having a little strop, the OP ignoring the strop (instead of getting annoyed with her) and then the dsd having her tea.

She is part of the family. The father wasn't there! I wouldn't have a situation in my house where I have an 8 yr old who doesn't do as I say in my house! ( I also wouldn't live with a man who is going to expect me to cook different meals or is fussy about food!) Everyone, adults or children, is allowed about 3 dislikes, which I will avoid,other than that I cook one meal for everyone DH included. A fussy man would be a real deal breaker for me.

I also wouldn't take on a step child that I wasn't allowed to parent- she becomes part of the family and it is joint parenting- otherwise another deal breaker for me.

The step part is a red herring anyway. OP has cooked a perfectly acceptable family meal, offered a sandwich, child put some cheese on the casserole and happily ate the lot, people seem to be ignoring the central facts and going off in tangents of their own.

oh do fuck OFF dears.

I adore my step daughter.
She is my daughter. that is that.

I have lived here for four years, she has lived with her dad for 7 years.

Her own 'D' Mum doesn't give a shit about her, fucks around doing fuck all apart from letting MY child down (that's right - MY child - jump on that if you wish)

From day one I made the decision to treat her as I would treat my own child - I would bloody well do the same for DS when he is old enough.

And - let me again point out

I have never said I would force it down her, make her vomit etc etc

I said I would offer that, and not an alternative.
I did offer a sandwhich - which she refused.

I also made it with couscous - so she would at least have something.

She ate it all anyway, proving my initial point - she was just having a tantrum.

and no - that wasn't because she was so bogged down from the terrible, awful, fascist reigime I am running. It was because she was hungry, thought it was actually ok after all, and had realised I wasn't going to change the menu to chips!

For gods sake.

I find some of the posts seriously disgusting and really, really offensive.
You make some serious serious aspersions about my parenting.

Well said, fairy!
A simple food question, that sensible parents handle the way you did, became an entire work of fiction!

You definitely did the right thing to stick by your guns.

If DS doesn't like what is cooked he doesn't have to eat it, but he won't be getting another meal cooked. (He is 7 btw)

If he does refuse to eat any, which is rare, usually he will cave and just eat whatever it is he turned his nose up at, but if he does sit there and not eat I will make him a cheese sandwich later on, so that he isn't hungry, but that's it.

Your casserole sounds lovely too.

The other lesson fairy is that in MN a step mother's place is always in the wrong!

If she moans at every meal and wants something different then yanbu. However, if she usually eats what you put in front if her but just doesn't like casserole then yabu. You can't force someone to eat something if they just don't like it, especially when you know, in advance, that they don't like it.

Ignore it fairy. There are clearly some people here who just haven't got a fucking clue. The proof in that will be when their children grow up to be spoilt entitled and over indulged adults.

It would seem so.

I know Satin! I was going to put DD but didn't want to leave myself open for
'I've read some of your other threads - she's your DSD,why are you lying? are you trying to take over? pretend you are her DM?she only has ONE DM' etc etc blah blah blah

The other lesson fairy is that in MN a step mother's place is always in the wrong!

Yes that too. The wicked step monster eh?

Well done fairy I would of done exactly the same as you, my DS always moaned about stew but that's what was for tea so that's what he was offered, he would eat the lot between 2 pieces of bread and ask for more! a' la stew sandwich

Morning fairy

Wish I could have your casserole!
Have found the thread useful fwiw as I battle with food issues daily.
Thank you x

Anyone who would serve their child tuna mayo made with processed mayo over the meal op made and think its healthier ( and tastier) has absolutely no right to comment on anyone else's cooking or eating habits.

OP, do she do this with other meals or is it only the casserole? That's the decider for me. One meal you don't like is different to regularly stropping.

Why post in aibu, op?

Well said OP, try to ignore the fevered imaginations of the people determined to paint you as a heartless cow. Their posts have revealed them to be nothing more than hysterical shrews.

I don't know why you posted in AIBU because you didn't think you were being U. That said, I wouldn't have pandered to her tantrum. Although I'm another one who thinks your meal sounds grim. Sorry!

You say you are strict like it's a good thing

Is strict bad?

I think ignoring children, especially 8 year olds, is not good parenting, but yes, hysterical, mysterical.. I am veggie, btw. Just don't think any old utilitarian slop constitutes a good veggie meal.

You can be assured my child is polite and reasonable and will continue to be so, in the knowledge that his feelings are always acknowledged, although not necessarily catered for.