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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not make her a seperate meal?

827 replies

fairy1303 · 06/11/2013 17:05

DSD lives here full time.

She is currently having a massive meltdown because I have told her we are having... shock horror... CASSEROLE for dinner.

We have this about once a month, it's cheap, easy, healthy.
I know she doesn't like it.

I have said that is what we are having, no I won't make a seperate meal.
She is telling me not to serve her any. She doesn't want it. She is crying because she 'isn't allowed any dinner'. She has phoned MIL to tell her. She is about to phone my mum to tell her too. She has phoned daddy at work to tell him.

Now, I'm pretty strict. I'm also aware of the wsm stuff.

AIBU to say: that is what we are having. There will be nothing else?

Or am I being too hard on her?

She's 8

OP posts:
Wuldric · 07/11/2013 00:25

But perhaps it depends on the 3 tins that you open.

If you were to open a tin of tuna, a tin of sweetcorn, and a tin (okay a jar, but bear with me) of mayonnaise ... throw in a couple of slices of bread and you do get a pretty good tuna mayonnaise sandwich.

The point I am making is that the OP's meal is fundamentally unpalatable and I don't blame the DSD for objecting - in what sounds like a pretty mild way. She sounds nice, the DSD. Work with her.

ToysRLuv · 07/11/2013 00:27

Ah, no brian. Just randomly remembering something else me and Wuldric agreed about (and around eleventy billion people told us we were bitter and horrible).

CocacolaMum · 07/11/2013 00:27

a tin of chopped tomatoes and a tin of beans go together fine

lentils and chickpeas go together don't they? I cannot see the problem if you know what you are doing. If you haven't eaten it then how can you judge?

ToysRLuv · 07/11/2013 00:28

Tuna mayo sweetcorn shouldn't be a "thing", but then again that is a cultural objection with me not being a Brit..

ToysRLuv · 07/11/2013 00:32

I can imagine it wouldn't be as good as actually going with a reasonable plan/recipe, cocacola. Baked beans don't go with anything, really, apart from tomatoes, as they are already in a (disgusting) tomato sauce. To me the aforementioned combo sounds like a slop. How about you ask your BIL whether he would be happy to make that (remember to add random veg!)?

BrianTheMole · 07/11/2013 00:33

Well you don't like it, don't eat it. I'm sure the op doesn't give a shit what you like. As long as she feeds her dsd a healthy diet then thats all that matters.

CocacolaMum · 07/11/2013 00:33

she doesn't mean bloody cucumber does she. She obviously means veg suitable for casseroles.

SkullyAndBones · 07/11/2013 00:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ToysRLuv · 07/11/2013 00:35

Yes, I was only pointing out that enjoyment of food is important, as food is not just fuel, and a carrier of vitamins and minerals.

ToysRLuv · 07/11/2013 00:37

Still, cocacola. And cheese! And baked beans, ffs. And 4 types of beans/lentils and veg sausages to "make it more palatable"(or something to that effect) like the OP put it.

MrsCakesPremonition · 07/11/2013 00:42

Cheese and baked beans are delicious on a jacket potato

BaronessBomburst · 07/11/2013 00:44

I would do lentils, or chickpeas, or sausages, or possibly sausages and either lentils or chickpeas with plenty of garlic and some smoked paprika for a Spanish feel, but not all of it, and definitely no beans or cheese. I am confused about cheese in a casserole.

Has anyone here ever put cheese in a casserole?

TrucksAndDinosaurs · 07/11/2013 00:45

Dh puts cheese on everything except curry

BaronessBomburst · 07/11/2013 00:47

No cheese on curry? Has he not heard of paneer?

Wuldric · 07/11/2013 00:48

I think it is important to hear what kids tell you. DD told me she didn't like spaghetti meatballs. Haven't served them since. She is entitled to tell me what she doesn't want to eat. I encourage her to take an active involvement - to tell me what she wants to cook and more importantly what she wants to cook.

If you can't cook, and I gather that the OP can't (not being rude but the recipe did kind of give things away) then just either learn to cook or delegate the cooking. And you just might find that your DSD will surprise you. DS constantly surprises me in the kitchen. He really does. He is a mean cook.

If you acknowledge the stuff you can't do, and enable the people who might just be able to do the things that you can't do, then things really do work better.

MrsCakesPremonition · 07/11/2013 00:51

not being rude - I've just snorted my tea over my laptop. Very, very funny.

BaronessBomburst · 07/11/2013 00:52

I've just found a recipe on the BBC website describing paneer as vegan.

Wuldric · 07/11/2013 01:00

okay, maybe it was rude, but I am well-meaning honestly ...

Go to your kitchen cupboard. Find three different tins. Sling them in a pot, scatter over some lentils. Is that a delicious casserole? Or is it still 3 tins of things? For this test to work, one of the tins has to be baked beans. Complete with artificial sauce, colorings and flavourings.

Honestly chaps! Who amongst you has ever made a casserole out of baked beans? Really?

squoosh · 07/11/2013 01:03

Who gives a fuck, flying or otherwise if some randommer on MN likes the sound of the meal? It was eaten, a dawn will rise on a new day in which more favoured meals might make an appearance.

End of drama.

TrucksAndDinosaurs · 07/11/2013 01:04

Cheddar is what he insists on, or Red Leicester. Great grated lumps of it. On things like (random examples) :
Shrimp, feta and avocado salad
Pork and apple beer root veg casserole
Chorizo and potato and Spanish chicken with sherry
Bacon and lentil red wine bake
Lamb and potato hot pot

The Philistine.

MrsCakesPremonition · 07/11/2013 01:06

I will admit that I have never made a casserole which doesn't contain meat. I also think that people who put bakes beans in their shepherd's pie are peculiar.

But I will defend the OPs right not to cave in to her 8yo drama queen. My drama queen is 9yo and she recently complained to my MiL that I don't love her because I don't always do what she says. MiL was unmoved.

Dolcelatte · 07/11/2013 04:43

In saying that OP does not appear to have empathy for the child, it was not just her actions in preparing a meal (which, incidentally, sounds disgusting), which she knows she does not like, and forcing her to eat it. It is the whole set up.

I can see that some children can be fussy eaters, although this child does not sound like one if she eats everything else. However, how many 8 years olds ring their father and grandmothers in distress over something like this? I just think there is more to it than OP has said.

My instinct is that she is in the role of SM (interestingly she herself raises the spectre of WSM in a defensive way); she is not entirely happy about it - and I can see that it is a role with a lot of inbuilt issues - and is determined to stamp her authority on the child.

I can almost hear the conversation between OP and 'Daddy', in which OP will insist that his DD is a spoilt princess, who makes a fuss if she doesn't get her own way. OP then comes onto a public forum to seek justification for her actions.

I don't know the history, or why the child isn't living with her DM, but I suspect that there has been a lot of upheaval for her. When I read OP's post, I just felt sorry for her stepdaughter.

GingerBlondecat · 07/11/2013 05:51

I need to make this recipe, Thanks OP

Ps, I keep dried lentils/beans, soak them overnight, then cook.

Yermina · 07/11/2013 06:22

Can I point out that not one person on this thread has advocated forced feeding?

tracypenisbeaker · 07/11/2013 07:01

I really don't get the point of this thread being in AIBU. You clearly had made up your mind beforehand that there was no way you were being unreasonable and were ready to counteract any suggestion that perhaps, maybe you had been.

I personally think that you making something for her, knowing full well that she didn't like it beforehand and then coming on here to complain is martyr-like behaviour. What did you expect?

When I was a kid, I didn't like cabbage. My mum knew this, yet put it on my plate every Sunday. I don't understand the point of this- why not just give me double carrots or something? She knew I didn't like it so I made a point of not eating it because I felt like I was being ignored and not respected. After all, my dad was allowed to get away with not eating cucumber just because he said he didn't like it! It didn't make him vomit/ kill him.

There are plenty of cheap and nutritious foods out there that you can make that the whole family will enjoy. People with this old fashioned authoritarian view that people should just eat what is put in front of them like a dog are not encouraging healthy relationships with food. She's hardly going to be excited about trying new things/ changing her way of thinking if eating is made out to be some sort of chore or something that is solely done to keep you alive.

If this is a one-off, then I think you should pick your battles and let casserole-gate slide. However, if this is an on-going thing, why not try and make things exciting by looking up recipes online together and increasing your cooking repertoire to include food the whole family likes? She could learn some skills from it, so maybe when you don't feel like cooking an alternative meal she can make herself something cheap and easy (under your supervision of course) like a omelette. Lots of kids are lacking the knowledge of how to make a simple pasta dish by the time they leave school!