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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

fed up of being told to wean ds onto formula

61 replies

YellowCanary1 · 05/11/2013 22:11

NOT A BF VS FF DEBATE!
I am not against ff at all but after developing a good bf relationship with ds2 I'm happy and in no rush to stop. As a student I'm away from him 2 days a week so express whilst at university for the next time. Ds2 still feeds through the night every 2 hours. He's 5 months and obviously doing well bf as he weighs over 25lbs. I know family, friends etc are just trying to be helpful but I'm fed up of being advised to put him on formula because he's ' such a hungry baby' and needs more. I'm not a martyr to feeding but I do wish people would say well done for keeping up with him, not almost seeming to criticise me for my efforts. I know i am very tired, and working hard to keep up with phd but i am managing it. They keep trying to convince me to stop bf due to lack of sleep and having to rush round university to express, etc but I really enjoy bf. I know its all meant kindly but I want to very politely tell them to back off and its my choice.

OP posts:

Original poster

YellowCanary1 · 05/11/2013 22:14

Just re read and sounds very silly, just feeling emotional and defensive after a few comments over last few days about martyr-dom and being over the top.

OP posts:

MrsGarlic · 05/11/2013 22:15

YANBU. You are doing brilliantly from the sounds of things. He obviously doesn't need more as he is a fab weight. And FF surely would be much more hassle what with the measuring, boiling water, sterilising etc. You wouldn't get more sleep if FF if you had to do all that surely?!

olgaga · 05/11/2013 22:15

Well done! I feel so lucky to have had nothing but support. You'll know better than anyone when it's time to move things on. Trust your instincts!

Tulip26 · 05/11/2013 22:16

My friend has only just stopped BF her son. He's 2.5 years old. You are doing fine, if you and your baby are happy then sod anyone else.

MrsGarlic · 05/11/2013 22:16

Actually, you know what, it IS your choice and you SHOULD tell them to back off. Nowt to do with them.

pianodoodle · 05/11/2013 22:16

YANBU.

I'd do just that actually, tell them politely it's up to you!

They may think they're being helpful in their own way but you know what you're doing, you haven't come to them for advice on the subject, so tell them :)

Sometimes people don't realise a bf baby feeds more often so assume they must be "extra hungry" when they're just feeding the normal amount a bf baby does.

helloitsme · 05/11/2013 22:17

Yanbu! You are doing great :-) well done.

jungletoes · 05/11/2013 22:17

No you're not being over the top at all. I'm sure your loved ones mean well and are probably just thinking about your welfare. You are doing very well and giving your baby the best start by bf him. If it works for you then carry on.

tweetytwat · 05/11/2013 22:19

Well done

Broken record - He is thriving isn't he. We are happy with what we are doing.

And ignore.

Or just say, yes we are going to stop actually (Don't specify when. You might mean next week or when he is 3, either way it's none of their business)

You can tell them to back off you know. They are rude to keep on at you, you are not being rude to tell them to stop.

plannedshock · 05/11/2013 22:20

I had this so many times!! "Does she sleep?" You should give her formula! "How long you going to feed her?" She's prob ready for formula. "She started weaning yet?" So why are you still feeding her?!?
Formula was the advice I got all the time for getting her to sleep through the night, I'm at 7mths now and still on the boob!
I'm very pro whatever is best for yourself, ff or bf do exactly as you please for however long you like!!

Original poster

YellowCanary1 · 05/11/2013 22:21

I think thats what they get that, that because he feeds so regularly he's not getting enough and I can't keep up. But he's a big, happy, healthy baby and I feel gets everything he needs. Just because he's hungry doesn't mean I can't keep up with him, ifkwim!

OP posts:

HomeIsWhereTheHeartIs · 05/11/2013 22:26

Well done from me!
I've just weaned 5mo DS onto formula and his sleep pattern of 2 night feeds hasn't changed a bit. Neither has his day time routine really. So carry on doing whatever you want and be proud of yourself.

tweetytwat · 05/11/2013 22:28

He is big and bouncy because he is getting the perfect milk for a baby. Yours.

Why would you change that when it suits you both?

It's a can't win thing really - small baby - oh they will need formula to build them up - big baby - oh they will need more milk than you can give them rah rah rah.

Can you give them something else to worry about instead Say you are thinking about moving to a remote Scottish island, what do they think? Or you are planning to get a rottweiler in a few weeks. Or you want to pave all your garden because you CBA to mow the lawn, or some other random thing they can moan about instead

TooTabooToBOOOOO · 05/11/2013 22:30

OP I know exactly where you are coming from.

Like you I realise it is coming from a place of love, they aren't saying it to be mean they are viewing BF as time consuming and assuming FF will be easier which when compared to established BF, couldn't be further from the truth.

I had a MH crisis last week, led to diagnosis of PND, in the midst of The awfulness I turned to a close relative for support. She was amazing but did suggest I give up BF so I could get a good nights sleep. I get what she meant but the reality of weaning and sore boobs and the stress of it all would lead to more problems, add on the cost of formula and possible night feeds (single mum) then I can't, at present, see how that would be an easy way to get just one nights full sleep a week.

Plus, I really love BF, having struggled with DD it is a dream with DS and I don't want to.stop just yet.

So, I understand your frustration OP and you have done brilliantly to get so far with 2 days away each week (and doing a PHD....wow!)

Faithless12 · 05/11/2013 22:32

YANBU, keep doing it while you enjoy it/want to. You've done well making it this far and 5 months is a tiring age. DS is 2 and he still feed throughout the night but I still don't want to stop nor does he.

neunundneunzigluftballons · 05/11/2013 22:39

You are not being unreasonable. I am no martyr to feeding either but I have bf for the last 2 years, back to work full time doing a college course pt and 2 other kids in toe. It was the happy hormones from bf that kept me sane. I have made changes to make it possible though. I had a side car cot and basically coslept and fed all the time asleep. I knocked expressing on the head once solids were established. Night weaned when the time came. People who have limited experience of bf and working think it is far more of a challenge than it is in reality because they compare it to ff which is really a chore (I ff my others) whereas bf basically involves no work other than lift across a bra once it is fully well established. Pumping though yuck I hate it.

mumteedum · 05/11/2013 23:24

Yanbu, trust yourself, that nobody knows your baby like you do and if you're both happy then keep going. I had this too but thankfully to a lesser degree. My mum didn't bf me, so couldn't relate to it. All she saw was how worn out I was.

Few others made similar comments though as ds has never been good sleeper. 'bf isn't enough for him' 'your milk might not be quality anymore'etc. If you ask me, old fashioned nonsense from generation who saw ff as the norm and think bf bit weird.

I never had set idea of how long I'd do it for but ds stopped a month ago at 2yrs plus. It was right time for us both. I've loved it. Been a special experience for me.

You'll know when stopping is right for you and yr baby. Don't stop because you feel pressured.

FutTheShuckUp · 05/11/2013 23:26

5 months and 25 pounds ????

FigRolls · 05/11/2013 23:27

Wow he's heavier than my 16 month old! I'm breastfeeding, waking at night and completing my dissertation so I know where you're coming from. I've lost count of the amount of martyr comments I've had, particularly as dh used to meet me with dd on my lunch break so I could feed her! (I hated expressing) Good on you for sticking with it.

showtunesgirl · 05/11/2013 23:32

Sleep has sod all to do with FF or BF. A lady from my ante-natal group kept saying that we must FF if we want sleep and made the rest of us who were BF feel like freaks.

However, after a quick comparisons, we realised that my DD was the best sleeper out of the lot.

And DD is two at the end of this month and loves her milk.

TooTabooToBOOOOO · 05/11/2013 23:32

I'm impressed with 25lb at 5 months, DS is 8 months and 23 lb. SHall we start a sumo-baby club?

DS has cankles I like to eat them

5madthings · 05/11/2013 23:32

Yanbu, I am sure your relatives mean well but perhaps just say to them that you are happy,baby is doing great and so please stop suggesting formula.

You are doing great, I also had big boys as well, right chunky little things, lovely squishable thighs etc!

TooTabooToBOOOOO · 05/11/2013 23:33

'ello showy

breatheslowly · 05/11/2013 23:38

Do whatever suits you. Isn't 25lb at 5 mo pretty big?

Xmasbaby11 · 05/11/2013 23:40

Well done you! It must be annoying having people tell you what to do when your baby is obviously thriving!

In their defence, they are probably thinking about you, and the horror of 2 hourly night feeds! I would be looking forward to weaning him!

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