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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

fed up of being told to wean ds onto formula

61 replies

YellowCanary1 · 05/11/2013 22:11

NOT A BF VS FF DEBATE!
I am not against ff at all but after developing a good bf relationship with ds2 I'm happy and in no rush to stop. As a student I'm away from him 2 days a week so express whilst at university for the next time. Ds2 still feeds through the night every 2 hours. He's 5 months and obviously doing well bf as he weighs over 25lbs. I know family, friends etc are just trying to be helpful but I'm fed up of being advised to put him on formula because he's ' such a hungry baby' and needs more. I'm not a martyr to feeding but I do wish people would say well done for keeping up with him, not almost seeming to criticise me for my efforts. I know i am very tired, and working hard to keep up with phd but i am managing it. They keep trying to convince me to stop bf due to lack of sleep and having to rush round university to express, etc but I really enjoy bf. I know its all meant kindly but I want to very politely tell them to back off and its my choice.

OP posts:

5madthings · 05/11/2013 23:41

It is big yes, but my boys were like that, big roly poly babies, they soon lost it once crawling and walking.

I loved those squidgy fat rolls

TooTabooToBOOOOO · 05/11/2013 23:44

My DD was a chunk too but the minute she started walking it fell away and she was a skinny minnie! I'm assuming DS will follow suit.

5madthings · 05/11/2013 23:46

Yep my boys are real skinny Minnie's now.

I did love the way their arms and legs looked like they had little elastic bands round them cos of the fat rolls!

Kiwiinkits · 05/11/2013 23:52

TBH you do sound like a bit of a matyr to me. Every 2 hours? He's 5 months not 2 weeks!

You may think that BF is working for you but the results you're getting don't seem to show that. You're clearly a smart lady, phD, but don't seem to be associating the evidence in front of you with the cause. Put those scientific/problem solving skills to use.

You don't have to wean onto formula completely, but honestly, I think if you introduced one big bottle before bedtime (maybe around 6.30pm) he'll sleep better, ergo you'll sleep better. From experience, it is completely possible and normal for your boobs to not be giving them all they need. At five months I'd be starting to introduce solids too, if he can sit up on his own and has lost his tongue thrust reflex.

Kiwiinkits · 05/11/2013 23:54

AND I say this is someone who breastfed two beautiful babies till 14 months. (I supplemented with one bottle a day, to top-up in compensation of a not-quite-working-properly left boob)

BillyBanter · 05/11/2013 23:54

'I know it's meant kindly but I am happy with my choice and will be sticking with it. Please leave me be on this'.

Trying2bMindful · 05/11/2013 23:56

Well done! I don't think bf or ff gives you any more sleep in the long run so do what is right for you & ignore the hecklers. There are always hecklers in this parenting adventure. So trust yourself & get on with it as best you can.
It is hard tho when you are worn out and you are getting " the comments" I find smiling sweetly & disappearing off for a nap helps. Or pouring a large glass of wine /proper coffee & ignoring their shock horror expressions at the fact you can still have a life. Yes. V enjoyable!!!

Btw it gets easier when the wee one starts solids. Then people have another stick to beat with you but they tend to shut up about bf v ff!! Well until you get up about 12mo + a few weeks. Then they can't shut up about when you might stop... Suggesting college would be a good time tends to stop them...
Yes. As you can tell I don't give a damn is the best attitude to portray. On the outside anyway.
Good luck & many congrats on your bundle of joy & the phd.

showtunesgirl · 05/11/2013 23:58

Kiwiinkits please can you highlight what science you are using for your hypothesis that formula makes babies sleep better?

stopgap · 06/11/2013 01:04

I ebf DS1 until he was 19 months; he slept 7-7 from 5.5 months, and continues to do so at 2.3 years. I don't think formula is the magic solution to having a good sleeper; they either are or they aren't, unfortunately.

Original poster

YellowCanary1 · 06/11/2013 06:53

Thanks all, he is a big baby and way above the 99.6th percentile but so was ds1 and he is now a very tall, slim 2.5yr old. I do cosleep to help getting some sleep. He'll also refuse to take a bottle of expressed from anyone but my dh really. I'm hoping it calms down once he starts solids. I'm not saying its not tough at points but I just think this is the baby he is and whether bf or ff makes no difference.
He does have the cutest squishy legs and round tummy, I know I'm bias but he's incredibly scrummy

OP posts:

Yermina · 06/11/2013 07:01

This is what you get by being a bf mum in a ff culture.

People don't want to believe that exclusive breastfeeding is manageable and preferable for ANYONE.

Well done OP - it's lovely to look at a massive gorgeous baby and think that it's solely your milk that made him/ her so big and bonny. Gives you a very satisfying feeling of self reliance.

dubstarr73 · 06/11/2013 07:03

You should tell them you will switch to ff and tell them thank you for offering to do the night feeds.After all you need your sleep.I did this with my aunt and she backtracked so fast.
I think the time has come not to be so nice about it.I would say that you are not gonna stop and its not anyone elses business.Then just pretend you dont hear them.If you dont acknowledge them,they will soon stop

CrohnicallyTired · 06/11/2013 07:09

BF mothers get more sleep than Ff mothers on average. Baby wakes, stick boob in mouth, doze off. Or baby wakes, you go downstairs, warm bottle, baby is now crying, you feed baby, resettle baby, you've now been awake half an hour and struggle to drop back off. Ff is no guarantee of sleeping through the night, and if they don't then it's a lot more hassle when they do wake! I know, because Dd was bottle fed expressed milk for a while and I hated the night feeds.

If it's any consolation, my DD was exactly the same (though not as heavy!) at 5 months. Feeding every 2 hours like clockwork through the night (if she went to bed at 8:10, she'd wake at 10:10, 12:10, 2:10 etc).

We started solids at 6 months and at first there was no difference. By 7 1/2 months she dropped to 3 feeds a night (usually around 12:00, 3:00 and 6:00) then some nights she'd only have 2. Now at a year old she usually just has 1 feed. So hopefully your baby will calm down once on solids too.

Silvercatowner · 06/11/2013 07:13

Kiwiinkits with my first I did exactly as you said - and it made not a jot of difference. My son just woke up every 2 hours for ff rather than a bf. What it did do was initiate the drying up of my milk supply. I was young and suggestible, I didn't appreciate the importance of supply and demand.

frustratedandfailing · 06/11/2013 07:24

Ignore, ignore. I'm always getting the "Are you still breastfeeding" and an incredulous look from my GIL - she's an opinionated old bat who also thinks allowing LO to use legs will make them bandy.

Even if you did swap to formula your LO would probably wake every two hours because it has become a habit or is just who he is.

25lb at five months is certainly thriving - my LO is just over 4 and isn't yet 6kg. So long as your LO is roughly following his percentile I don't see where the problem is.

Now you getting completely exhausted is a different matter but I don't see how logically people are thinking swapping to formula will change that?

So many misconceptions going around about babies....

People think they are being helpful - when are people going to learn that being helpful is asking how your are doing and how they can help if you would like some help and not deciding what worked for them is some sort of magic bullet and must work for everyone else?

SatinSandals · 06/11/2013 07:34

I would start now with 'smile, nod, ignore' because this is only the start of unsolicited advice.

ovenbun · 06/11/2013 07:42

Well done for feeding little one so well :) and persevering with his frequent feeding pattern, I think you're super woman! The nice thing is I'm expecting he is now ready or almost ready for you to start introducing solids? Often weaning does impact on overnight sleeping patterns and you may find you get a few more hours rest while still continuing to give him.your lovely milk!

I am pro bf, but those who have said ff babies tend to sleep more there are studies which back this up, I think one was in the Lancet about a year ago and then the BBC reported it as "breastfed babies cry more" which was pretty unhelpful. It doesn't mean ff is better for babies just that as its slower to absorb it tends to keep.them fuller for longer :) xxxx

neunundneunzigluftballons · 06/11/2013 07:49

Ladies who reckon 2 hourly feeds at night are a chore did you bf asleep yourselves it really is not much of a chore when you are asleep. Common misconception I have experienced from people who are inexperienced with bf.

worsestershiresauce · 06/11/2013 07:58

Feeding every 2 hours sounds exhausting, but like others have said this has probably become a habit so he will still wake regardless of the type of milk he is drinking.

If I were you I'd be speaking to the hv about moving towards night weaning rather than switching to ff. He should be physically able to go without food overnight.

If people are getting up your nose you could mention that switching to ff would be hard on ds's stomach and you don't want to have to deal with colic etc on top of everything else.

AmandaCooper · 06/11/2013 08:01

Well done for feeding him!

showtunesgirl · 06/11/2013 08:22

Nightweaning at 5 months would be rather difficult to do. At five months some babies can go through the night but the majority don't.

Honestly, at this age, the path of least resistance is easiest. DD woke about three times a night at this age and during the day I didn't really count how many times she wanted milk but it was about every two hours like the OP.

Gradually, she started stretching out between feeds and then dropped some of her night wakings. By 11 months, she was sleeping through 7-7 and has only woken a couple of times. Babies just sleep when they're ready. Though maybe now when you would like them to!

pointyfangs · 06/11/2013 08:38

Night weaning at 5 months is nonsense. Some babies still need night feeds after 6 months - my DD2 did, though not every 2 hours. She was like an alarm clock - 11.30 and 2.30 and she'd be hungry. She would take both sides in 15 minutes flat and go straight back down, it was really no hardship even though I was in f/t work. I didn't night wean her until she was 11 months and started falling asleep as soon as the let down kicked in.

'Going through the night' at this age is defined as 5 hours without waking, and 5 months is classic growth/developmental spurt age anyway. If you're still going every 2 hours after about 8/9 months you might need to nudge things a bit, but only if you really feel you need to. I think the OP is doing just fine and isn't a martyr at all - just someone in need of a bit of support.

QueenArseClangers · 06/11/2013 08:47

kiwi why add a bottle of formula that could potentially create health problems (cm allergy, virgin gut issues)?

crazylady9876 · 06/11/2013 09:05

Wow well done your ds is thriving don't give up just because others say so. I did on advice of a pushy doctor and my hv was horrified (ds wasn't gaining much but was gaining steadily) she said it worst advice she had heard. But anyway wow on 25lb my ds is 22lb at 18 months!!!!

DoctorRobert · 06/11/2013 09:13

25lb? is that a typo? my 2.7 year old is only 28lb!

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