Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be raging that friends blabbed my pregnancy news?

71 replies

Inglori0us · 03/11/2013 07:36

I told one friend I was pregnant when I was 9 weeks. She's not a particularly close friend but she was at the end of her second pregnancy at the time and I was visiting her for lunch/play date with our dds and I wanted to tell someone.
I asked her not to tell anyone.
It now seems she told her bil & sil (also friends of mine) who then told other mutual friends.
I am RAGING. How dare they tell people this, especially as I've not personally told them, or put it on fb or anything?
This is the same couple who hijacked my 30th birthday party to announce their engagement btw.
I'm livid.

OP posts:
JumpingJackSprat · 03/11/2013 07:38

Yanbu but you have learnt a valuable lesson. .. if you want to keep something a secret don't tell anyone! !

Original poster
Inglori0us · 03/11/2013 07:46

It's not a secret as such any more, as I have a proper bump, I just think it's incredibly rude as I wanted to tell people myself.

OP posts:
Tigresswoods · 03/11/2013 07:50

That is crap but in my experience if you tell anyone a secret they will tell at least one person.

Keep that in your mind before you tell anyone anything.

Sorry you had your thunder stolen.

meditrina · 03/11/2013 07:50

Telling an important secret to someone who isn't particularly close (and following in from that, whose ability or willingness to keep a secret is uncertain) is always a risk.

If you wanted it secret, you should have kept the secret yourself.

Roshbegosh · 03/11/2013 07:51

As soon as you tell one person it isn't a secret. You were not sensible to trust her with that information, especially at only 9 weeks

CommanderShepard · 03/11/2013 07:51

It is rude, and I was cross when MIL told distant family despite us having told her not to, but honestly, it's not worth the energy. Put it down to experience.

iamadoozermum · 03/11/2013 07:52

I feel your rage. My boss did this to me when I had specifically asked him not to tell anyone. Learnt never to trust him with anything! Some people just want to be important I guess and it sounds like this person is one of them. Congrats on your pregnancy Smile

ILoveAFullFridge · 03/11/2013 07:52

YANBU to be upset, but YWBU to tell her.

You should have come here and talked about it on MN, if you wanted to open up without divulging the secret.

Banono · 03/11/2013 07:53

You shouldn't have told her!
She hijacked your party previously and you still tell her something important.
You really should learn to distance yourself.

Fool me once shame on you.....

Original poster
Inglori0us · 03/11/2013 07:58

It was the secondary people that I'm more annoyed at tbh. I understand the first friend telling someone, that's what people do. It's the people she told then spreading the news that's annoyed me more (they were the engagement party people too).

OP posts:
luxemburgerli · 03/11/2013 08:02

Very annoying for you OP. We have recently announced a pregnancy and people telling each other was something that made it very difficult. For example, I have grandparents and several aunties/uncles who all live very close together, and I knew I could only tell maybe one or two of them myself and by that time they'd all have rung each other up and spread the news. Can feel a rant coming on, so I'll stop there!!

Obviously you won't be telling these people (or anyone I guess!) secrets in the future. But not a nice way to learn.

Is there any chance this could leak to your boss/work, and would it matter if it did? Just thought I'd ask in terms of damage control.

ZenNudist · 03/11/2013 08:03

The second people are completely blameless, they heard info secondhand and its fair play to pass it on.

Your friend was off to report it in re first place, not only did you tell her to tell no one but she should understand people like to tell their own pregnancy news.

Still yabu to fume. You can't expect random friends you don't love and trust to keep secrets for you.

Original poster
Inglori0us · 03/11/2013 08:08

No damage limitation required, thankfully. I'm freelance so not a problem for work. 16 weeks now and telling people as I see them.

I will be taking this up with these people though.

OP posts:
ZombieMojaveWonderer · 03/11/2013 08:13

You couldn't even keep the secret yourself but expect everyone else to! YABVU. Jeez get over it!

luxemburgerli · 03/11/2013 08:15

I feel for you OP. I have always known that there were things that you obviously don't pass on, whether or not you've been specifically told not to.

But when I met the family of my ex boyfriend I came to realise that not everyone holds these views. They discussed my income, urine infections and god knows what else with half the city. A horrible feeling when you're a private person. Made me even more private, I never tell anyone anything now.

NellysKnickers · 03/11/2013 08:17

It's good happy news, people want to spread it. If you don't want anyone to know then don't tell a soul until you do. Congratulations by the way.

meditrina · 03/11/2013 08:18

Taking what up?

You told one person, which later proved an unwise choice.

She told one couple, which later proved an unwise choice.

They haven't done anything that you didn't do first.

And of course it stopped being a secret as soon as you let it out.

LittlePeaPod · 03/11/2013 08:20

Let me get this straight. You told someone you are not that close to about the pregnancy. The same person that high jacked your birthday party.

This is a bit "rod for your own back". YABU to be angry for telling some you aren't really close too. You should have told someone you truly trust.

Sorry op but you need to take some responsibility here.

LittlePeaPod · 03/11/2013 08:23

Not sure what you have to "take up". You started the domino effect. Confused

Fraggle3112 · 03/11/2013 08:24

YANBU DH's 'best' friend done this to us and I was livid! It is your special news to share, not theirs! Tbh if they hijacked your 30th as well as this they don't sound like nice people, I would be inclined to agree with Banano and say distance yourself from them!

Willabywallaby · 03/11/2013 08:24

That happened to me. My DH came home from squash and had been congratulated on the news by his squash friend who I hadn't even met. I did text blabbing friend to ask her not to tell anyone else, I was about 8 weeks. She did feel guilty I heard via another girl friend.

I didn't tell any friends until after 12 week scan 2nd time round...

Just because it's your secret and you tell people to keep it I agree once you tell one it's no longer your secret. Try to let the rage disperse.

diddl · 03/11/2013 08:24

How can you take it up with the couple?

The first "friend" is the blabber!

flowery · 03/11/2013 08:30

I don't understand why you are so "livid" and planning on "taking" it up with the couple and not with your friend who blabbed in the first place. It was already not a secret by the time they were told. Confused

livingzuid · 03/11/2013 08:37

I get where you are coming from totally. Pregnancy is such a huge and potentially scary thing and early on it's really comforting to confide in someone particularly if they have been through it already. I did the same with a couple of colleagues even though I'm not past 12 weeks yet-I have to talk to someone! I wouldn't have necessarily picked these two but I just needed to talk at that particular time. They didn't blab fortunately for me so far! And I would be completely livid if they did.

I don't understand why people think it's fair game once you've told them. You asked her to kep it a secret and she did not. That's downright disrespectful. And sadly some people have nothing better to do than to gossip about others. I mean what if the unthinkable happened? It's just too rude and thoughtless for words!

Sorry you are having to go through this.

SarahAndFuck · 03/11/2013 09:00

"Let me get this straight. You told someone you are not that close to about the pregnancy. The same person that high jacked your birthday party."

You have that wrong, it wasn't the same person that highjacked the OP's birthday party that the OP told.

The OP told her friend, the friend then told the birthday high jackers.

OP you made an unwise choice in who you spoke to but at least it was your news to tell, the others were just spreading gossip. At least you know now that you can't trust any of them to be discreet in the future and so won't tell them anything else.