Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be raging that friends blabbed my pregnancy news?

71 replies

Inglori0us · 03/11/2013 07:36

I told one friend I was pregnant when I was 9 weeks. She's not a particularly close friend but she was at the end of her second pregnancy at the time and I was visiting her for lunch/play date with our dds and I wanted to tell someone.
I asked her not to tell anyone.
It now seems she told her bil & sil (also friends of mine) who then told other mutual friends.
I am RAGING. How dare they tell people this, especially as I've not personally told them, or put it on fb or anything?
This is the same couple who hijacked my 30th birthday party to announce their engagement btw.
I'm livid.

OP posts:
YouStayClassySanDiego · 03/11/2013 09:01

You shouldnt have told anyone if you were looking to keep it quiet for longer.

As for 'taking it up' , what on earth for?

Now you're sounding very precious.

Enjoy your pregnancy and keep important details to yourself if you don't want them blabbed.

ChippingInLovesAGoodBang · 03/11/2013 09:10

So this all happened 7 weeks ago and you are still stomping around about it? It really is time to get over it. You told someone who can't keep a secret - you'll know better next time wont you.

Bowlersarm · 03/11/2013 09:15

YABU, I think.

I don't think you should be telling anyone anything that you aren't prepared to be passed on. Very few people are discreet, most people like to be in a position to pass on news.

(Except me of course. If I'm told not to tell anyone I don't, but without that instruction I would.)

soupmaker · 03/11/2013 09:21

Yes, YABVU.

I understand you feel pissed off, but you've only yourself to blame I'm afraid.

We didn't tell anyone until we wanted the whole world to know. This is the only way to keep a pregnancy secret.

Put it down to experience and just concentrate on enjoying your pregnancy. Congratulations and good luck.

catsrus · 03/11/2013 09:23

Yabu

Not everyone thinks like you - when I was pregnant and told people I totally expected the news to be passed around quickly as everyone knew I'd been trying for years - of course friends would share the good news, i think its odd not to. I think the first person you told is the only one you legitimately be annoyed with as you asked her not to say anything.

JumpingJackSprat · 03/11/2013 09:28

Changed my mind , yabu. Your pregnancy isn't as important to anyone else as you so they probably won't care that you're being so precious about it. Get over it and concentrate on your pregnancy. Next time don't tell anyone.

Original poster
Inglori0us · 03/11/2013 09:33

So, a mixed response.
The people who think IABU are inferring you can't trust anyone to keep news to themselves (even when expressly told to do so) and that by telling one person you must expect it to be in public domain. I disagree with this. I feel my trust was betrayed and that these people were inconsiderate and thoughtless. I expect more from people. I would show more consideration if it were me.

OP posts:
AuntieStella · 03/11/2013 09:36

"So, a mixed response.
The people who think IABU are inferring you can't trust anyone to keep news to themselves (even when expressly told to do so) and that by telling one person you must expect it to be in public domain."

The first person who couldn't keep the news to themselves was you.

Pinupgirl · 03/11/2013 09:38

Yabu and ridiculous to boot. If you don't want to anyone to find out your secret?-don't tell them the secret! Simples. To be very honest no one else probably cares less you are pregnant so stop being so precious.

Why on earth would you "take it up" with the other couple?-it was your friend that blabbed or are you just conveniently ignoring that? I find it hilarious that you are still fuming because they dared to announce their happy news at your party btw.

JumpingJackSprat · 03/11/2013 09:39

If they had overheard something not meant for them and blabbed then fair enough be pissed off. You deliberately told the person. It's your own fault.

YouStayClassySanDiego · 03/11/2013 09:41

Yes you might be able to keep a confidence but you aren't in control of other people and their thought process.

(even when expressly told to do so) Hmm, it doesn't always work like that, does it?

Bowlersarm · 03/11/2013 09:42

The first person who couldn't keep the news to themselves was you.

Exactly that.

OP, seriously, if you don't want something passed on then don't tell it in the first place.

Personally I think it's a bit mean to give someone the responsibility of keeping something a secret, especially a pregnancy which is only a half secret because it won't be a secret anyway for much longer.

ProphetOfDoom · 03/11/2013 09:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FortyDoorsToNowhere · 03/11/2013 09:47

I am always the last to know about pregnancy. I can't keep news like that to myself.

Friends know that about me so I understand why.

AlexaChelsea · 03/11/2013 09:50

This is nonsense!

If you tell someone, and explicitly ask them not to share the information, they shouldn't share it.

If be more angry with friend 1, who you told to keep the information to herself.

She might not have passed this onto hijack couple, so without knowing you shouldn't be blaming them.

I told a few people, out of necessity, in the early stages. I asked them not to tell anyone. They didn't, because they are nice, trustworthy people.

soupmaker · 03/11/2013 09:52

But even you couldn't keep it a secret OP. By your own admission you told someone you aren't even that close to because you had to tell someone. That's why we think YABU.

MatryoshkaDoll · 03/11/2013 09:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bigbrick · 03/11/2013 09:57

yanbu - a lesson learnt never to tell them anything again

Birdsgottafly · 03/11/2013 10:00

The second couple wasn't under any obligation to not spread this, your friend was.

However you don't know why and what was said. Many on here do to count close family, or partners as those that count when keeping secrets.

I think what makes it more ridiculous is, that she isn't a close friend and this news would be public within weeks, barring a miscarriage.

So not really a secret that is damaging (as some secrets are), or that would remain private.

If they were, say planning a Christmas drunken night out, then not keeping your secret and trying to make up a reason why you wouldn't be interested, would be impossible (just as an example why the news would of been spread).

flowery · 03/11/2013 10:01

"These people"

There you go again. You only told one person, and it was her who blabbed. Why so determined to be angry at the other couple who just told people something that was not a secret?

LittlePeaPod · 03/11/2013 10:02

Op I wasn't inferring no one can keep a secret when asked to do so. I was saying its your own fault that you shared something you wanted kept secret with a person you are not that close to. If you aren't that close then they are less likely to be that loyal to you. If you needed to share then you should have shared with someone that you are close to and know you can trust.

This happened 7 weeks ago. Why didn't you deal with it at the time if it bothered you that much? I agree with those saying you are been a bit precious.

Original poster
Inglori0us · 03/11/2013 10:14

Again with the "well you couldn't keep the secret so can't expect anyone else to". It was my secret to share, not theirs. I was freaking out a bit and needed to talk to someone. This news was of vital importance to me, not just gossip fodder. I'm disappointed that adults can't keep their big flappy mouths shut when it comes to the really important stuff.
But as so many people have such low expectations of others, I accept that I'm being unreasonable to expect more.
Thanks for taking the time to respond.

OP posts:
flowery · 03/11/2013 10:15

OP are you going to answer the point about why so angry at the couple rather than your friend? It wasn't a secret by the time they knew and told people, but presumably you told your friend and specifically asked her not to say anything? She is in the wrong, not them.

Mattissy · 03/11/2013 10:18

That's really crap of her, it's not her news to tell, simple!

Some people just don't realise what numpties they are, "look at me, I've got some news!"

Don't tell anyone something you don't want to get out unless you trust them.

candycoatedwaterdrops · 03/11/2013 10:20

YABU for still flapping about this 7 weeks later. Does it really matter?!

Swipe left for the next trending thread