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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to find it rude and annoying when visiting children on playdates beg and wheedle for extra time?

34 replies

parakeet · 02/11/2013 23:05

When their parents turn up all I hear is "NO, I don't want to go home" or "Can I have five more minutes?". Which I know from experience would turn into another five minutes and another. And all the parents do is simper at them ineffectually from the front door (while letting all the warm air out).

I have started taking matters into my own hands and hustling the children out the door myself, handing them their coats, shoes etc.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not claiming my children are paragons of virtue, but there is no way I would stand for this performance.

OP posts:
ZangelbertBingeldac · 02/11/2013 23:07

Why don't you invite the parents in so they can actually come in and start getting their child and their child's stuff together? Confused

SkullyAndBones · 02/11/2013 23:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RoxanneReidsChafingFishnets · 02/11/2013 23:09

Isn't it just what kids do?

I still do this when I don't want to leave the pub but friend does

frogspoon · 02/11/2013 23:11

I wouldn't be annoyed at the children, but at the parents.

They are clearly enjoying themselves at your home, so it is natural that they don't want to leave.

However it is their parent's responsibility to make sure they leave in a timely manner if it is clear that you are ready for them to go home.

CrocodileScream · 02/11/2013 23:14

Good lord you leave the parents on the doorstep? Hmm.

Yes it's annoying and should be discouraged but it's also just what kids do.

Original poster
parakeet · 02/11/2013 23:14

It might be what children do, but I would expect their parents to quickly say "No, come on, home, NOW."

I do sometimes invite them in, but I have learned from experience if I need the children to leave quickly, it is best for me to manage the leaving process in order to expedite it as much as possible.

OP posts:
Donkeyok · 02/11/2013 23:15

Perhaps they would feel uncomfortable being heavy with their kids in your hallway. We defer responsibility somewhat in someone else's house. You have just been the substitute parent. They are probably following your lead. You've helped get everything ready for a quick get away that's fine and I am sure it is actually welcome. Personally I sometimes like to have a cup of tea and catch up with mums. Its just a phase the dc will grow out of I expect they are talking to their dc about their tantrums when they get outside your house. I would feel more awkward if someone was being too heavy with their kid in my house Confused

Bunbaker · 02/11/2013 23:15

I'd be flattered that the child enjoyed playing at my house and then carry on... i wouldn't find it rude or annoying.

Same here. Also, I wouldn't keep the parent shivering on the doorstep, I would invite them in because I am not rude.

FeisMom · 02/11/2013 23:17

I think all children do that tbh and if they did the opposite and rushed up to their parent and said "I'm so glad you are here, take me home quick" I'd worry what had gone wrong.

I usually return the DCs home to their parent so that I control when the playdate comes to an end. Or reply something like "Well it would be lovely if you could stay a bit longer, but we actually need to go out to ...insert made up place name"

FriendlyLadybird · 02/11/2013 23:17

You have to let the parents in. It's pretty difficult to be effective from the doorway. All playdates end like this, in my experience. I prefer it to the alternative -- when they can't wait to leave!

ancientbuchanan · 02/11/2013 23:18

You just say, when you hear the doorbell

That's your mum so it's time to get your coat on..
I'm so glad you enjoyed yourself. We need to get on now but perhaps you can come back another day.

Unless you are feeling hospitable in which case you invite the parents in for a cup of tea.

The parents may not be picking up the right signals.

GW297 · 02/11/2013 23:20

Can't you remember when you were a child on a play date or had a friend round to play and you were having the best time and were gutted when the grown ups called time on it?

Donkeyok · 02/11/2013 23:21

Roxanne Grin are you down the pub now

RoxanneReidsChafingFishnets · 02/11/2013 23:22

If I was I wouldn't be posting here Grin

Original poster
parakeet · 02/11/2013 23:23

I was always taught (and am trying to teach my children) it is rude to ask if you can go to so-and-so's house in front of so-and-so's mum. Because it puts them in a difficult position if they wish to say no. To me, asking for an extension of the visit is just the same as this - puts me in a difficult position. (However I am learning to toughen up about it, as might be obvious.)

OP posts:
Original poster
parakeet · 02/11/2013 23:25

Oh that is genius, give the child their coat as soon as you hear the doorbell and present parent with child at the door as a fait accompli.

I'm going to copy that. (On those occasions it is needed.) Thank you.

OP posts:
ZangelbertBingeldac · 02/11/2013 23:27

I think you sound like the rude one, actually.

LiegeAndLief · 02/11/2013 23:31

I have had to retrieve a 6 year old from under a table and have carried a 4yo to the door at the end of play dates. Not sure if this is acceptable but they didn't look to be leaving any other way!

Didn't really bother me though.

Salmotrutta · 02/11/2013 23:33

Why is the OP rude?

What nonsense!

Play dates didn't exist when mine were young - they just went to play with neighbours kids or they came here.

But a whiney child asking for more time whilst a simpering adult looked on would get right up my nose.
If you have been kind enough to entertain someone else's child they should have the manners to leave when the parent turns up without whining.

Bunbaker · 02/11/2013 23:33

DD's best friend used to hide under her bed. It didn't bother me either.

GW297 · 02/11/2013 23:36

We used to hide! I used to get into big trouble for asking if so and so could come for tea or if I could go to so and so's house etc in front of them and their parents too.

oldsilver · 02/11/2013 23:37

Wheedling I can handle, it's the hiding under the bed and refusing to come out, I find difficult to deal with. Especially as his mum wouldn't come in as they had another child they'd left in the car Hmm

I'd put it down to the fact that he'd had a good time and patted myself on the back, and patted myself a second time for telling his mum to come half an hour earlier than I needed him to go, just in case of such an occurence.

Mattissy · 02/11/2013 23:41

I always feel rude to say no, like I can't wait to get away from their house myself, so I say yes. When in actual fact bloody love to leave. This is an eye opener for me. Shit, I'm going to have a melt down on the doorstep next time, not knowing what to do!!

Burmobasher · 02/11/2013 23:42

Don't all kids try it on? What are the parents supposed to do if you won't let them in? Stand at the doorstep bellowing whist you inwardly seethe about their rude kids?

imnotwhoyouthinkiam · 02/11/2013 23:43

I take it as a compliment that my house is so much fun.

That said I did actually carry a 7 year old out the door last week, (while his mum stood in my lounge being as much use as a chocolate teapot) after 20 mins of "no you can't stay any longer, we have tickets for the circus"

I always give the child a 5min warning that their parent is due, then invite the parent in while child gets ready. If I don't have plans to go elsewhere (which I normally.don't) then I'd offer tea, coffee, or wine, depending on time of day and if I like the other parent