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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to worry about my neighbours hearing out baby crying through the walls?

33 replies

bumpandkind · 02/11/2013 20:08

We live in a block of flats mainly inhabited by young professional couples and have a 5m old baby who is teething and wakes regularly for feeds in the night. I never leave him to cry but do worry about him disturbing or waking others. I am too nervous to ask our neighbours if it bothers them. Should I?

OP posts:

2tiredtoScare · 02/11/2013 20:09

My baby crying in the night doesn't wake DH or the other DCs so I wouldn't worry about next door!

MammaTJ · 02/11/2013 20:10

They will not be as tuned in as you are, so will not hear it. Don't worry!

You are having sleep but it is 'Mum sleep' which is not as deep as everyone elses.

BadgersRetreat · 02/11/2013 20:10

Even if it does, there's not a lot you can do about it I'd have thought?

ReluctantBeing · 02/11/2013 20:11

Are you looking to move?

VerySmallSqueak · 02/11/2013 20:12

I think most people understand that babies do this,and that's that! I wouldn't worry!

I think it would be lovely if you could just approach your neighbours though and just have a chat and get to know them a bit,and mention your baby is teething.

Hope you get a bit more sleep soon .

MamaBear17 · 02/11/2013 20:12

I wouldn't worry about it. You never leave your baby to cry so you are doing all you can to restore peace and quiet. Babies cry, teething is horrible, hope your little one feels better soon x

Chocotrekkie · 02/11/2013 20:13

If you live in flats you expect noise.

What can you do ? If you ask one neighbour and they say "yes it's really disturbing me" what can you do differently ?

Babies will cry day or night, toddlers will scream, kids will thump about and you will shout at them. Part of life.

Just be aware when they are being loud at midnight it might not be the best idea to go and complain !!

PoppyScarer · 02/11/2013 20:14

We had our DC1 in a semi-detached house and worried about this with our neighbours. I became paranoid about her crying at night. Completely understand what you are saying!

But...Here's the thing: babies cry. Knowing whether your neighbours are disturbed by it or not won't change anything - because even if they say they can't hear....they might be lying, to be nice? So is there really any point in asking? Because it's not as if you can flick a switch and stop the noise, is it?

If you are worried about upsetting them and souring relations, it might be worth putting a note through their doors apologising and even a bottle of wine/box of chocs to the closest ones by way of apology?

Big hugs, I remember that 5mo was the hardest bit with my DC1. She was much easier once weaning and a bit more interactive from the 6mo point.

And remember the old MN saying: this too shall pass...

Original poster

bumpandkind · 02/11/2013 20:20

Thanks for all the reassuring and helpful posts. I like the idea of giving them some apology wine! We are looking to move next year. I really thought that ds would be sleeping more by now. Roll on weaning. ( been bf ing for last hour with only MN to keep me sane)!

OP posts:

AwkwardSquad · 02/11/2013 20:47

Don't worry about it. I live in a house with very thin walls and I might be disturbed by it but not bothered, if you get the difference? It can't be helped, after all, it's not like deliberate noise - loud music or shouting. Or barking dogs. Or bloody teenager next door slamming up and down the stairs and generally crashing about. A baby crying? Really not a problem as far as I'd be concerned .

zoobaby · 02/11/2013 20:52

Try not to get too worried about it. I used to hear baby in our block (diagonally downstairs) which would wake me. I'd notice, but go straight back to sleep as the baby wasn't being left to cry. It really wasn't a big deal. Now that we have DS, I figure it's the same for my neighbours. There's nothing you can do really.

FWIW, weaning wasn't the magical solution for DS sleeping better... only teeth popping through made things better... and those bloody teeth gave him grief for MONTHS. It wasn't fun, but we seem to have come through that now. A lull before the next set.

xCupidStuntx · 02/11/2013 20:54

This fear really took away from being a new mother for me! Seriously don't even worry about it, nobody notices!

GiveItYourBestFucker · 02/11/2013 21:04

Hi OP, I have been the neighbour in this situation. 2 young children the other side of my bedroom wall waking two or three times in the night and crying for up to 20 minutes at a time. Apologies to MammaTJ but it did wake me up! Of course babies are babies and it can't be helped but I did really appreciate my neighbour mentioning it. Nothing dramatic, she just said something like, I hope the children aren't disturbing you and I said something like, well, it comes with the territory, doesn't it, in what I hope was a cheerful way. If I was your neighbour I'd probably appreciate you saying something like, baby's teething so a bit noisier than usual. I hope they then wouldn't be difficult about it.

TreaterAnita · 02/11/2013 21:17

My neighbour (semi) told me that both our dog and our 3yo are very quiet. This is palpably untrue as the dog gets cross if anyone comes near our front door (though I do shut her up, but can't if we're out) and son is certainly not a quiet child. I considered the possibility that she was being sarcastic but she doesn't seem the PA type, and she's not obviously deaf, so can only conclude that what sounds like an immense racket in our house is a vague background noise in theirs. Am hugely reassured as they are quite elderly and I was worried they thought the neighbours from hell had moved in.

holidaysarenice · 02/11/2013 21:20

Babies cry...children do not have to scream....

2tiredtoScare · 02/11/2013 21:23

Did anyone see the documentary about the UK family who went to live in Germany and tried to live exactly like Germans and the local policeman came round to tell them to get their kids to keep it down as the neighbours complained

goldie81 · 02/11/2013 21:30

We lived in a block of flats- when dd was young. I was trying to sleep train her so after a night of what seemed like forever crying I put nite through the door from dd saying something like - sorry if I'm keeping you up at night, lots of love xxx everyone was really sweet & even downstairs neighbour who I'd previously heard swearing about the baby upstairs were really sweet and said no worries!!

Ifancyashandy · 02/11/2013 21:31

Well... I live in flats and my neighbours have a small baby (been there since he was born, he's probably about 8 months now) and yes, their baby has disturbed me in the night.

However, when they've gone to him (I assume) and he's stopped crying I've gone back to sleep very quickly. In contrast, when they left him to CIO, I found it to be so incredibly distressing. Not in a 'Oh, FFS' way but in a 'Go to your baby' way. I would sit up in bed, willing them to go to him. It would go on for over an hour. He sounded abandoned. It was truly horrible. And I don't have children.

If you're not doing that, then your neighbours will understand that babies cry.

misspontypine · 02/11/2013 21:54

We have a 10month old and next door have a 6 month old (flats with not so great sound proofing) We hear their baby cry when we are awake, his crying gets picked up through the wall by our monitor but despite being really tuned in to baby noises I have never been woken up by their baby crying (although i do hear him crying often when i'm up with my own ds.)

We have your couples living below us, they have loud music and parties sometimes, we would never complain as we realise they possibly hear ds.

Thisvehicleisreversing · 02/11/2013 23:07

So long as you don't live next door to my ex NDN you'll be fine

We lived in a 1 bed terrace then and one night our usually quite placid DS1 woke up screaming and couldn't be settled. He had a nasty cold which was upsetting him.

NDN banged on the wall and screamed "shut that fucking baby up or I will!!"

I was desperate to go round and rip her fucking hair out but DH stopped me. We just carried on and ignored her from then on.

I still see her now and would love nothing more than to punch her in her stupid fuck face.

Thisvehicleisreversing · 02/11/2013 23:08

I meant fucking face but fuck face works too.

specialsubject · 02/11/2013 23:48

normal people may hear it But they will think 'babies cry, parents will be trying to soothe it, they don't want it to go on any more than I do, hope baby stops soon for their sake, not my problem, pass the earplugs'.

Alisvolatpropiis · 03/11/2013 00:13

A former neighbour once apologised to me in our shared hallway because her baby cried a lot.

I was quite shocked. I had heard the baby crying of course but it had never crossed my mind to be annoyed by it. I told her so and she seemed really relieved.

I was more bothered by her disgusting husband burping and farting in the shared hallway every night when he arrived home from work. Decided not the mention that though.

BatPenguin · 03/11/2013 00:26

We lived in a flat and the people below us had a baby that cried a lot at night. It was annoying but there was nothing they could do, it's life in a flat I'm afraid.

Amibambini · 03/11/2013 01:33

I had neighbours upstairs with a really loud, screechy, pull all the saucepans out of the kitchen cupboards onto the floor, angelic little boy. The noise was sometimes quite hard to shrug off. However they made it ok by acknowledging and apologising, I had their number to let them know when it was really too early for car crash games on their wooden floor (my bedroom ceiling), and they also regularly gave me bottles of booze. Yes they were loud, but they were lovely and I'm still mates with them even after moving away.

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