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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to worry about my neighbours hearing out baby crying through the walls?

33 replies

bumpandkind · 02/11/2013 20:08

We live in a block of flats mainly inhabited by young professional couples and have a 5m old baby who is teething and wakes regularly for feeds in the night. I never leave him to cry but do worry about him disturbing or waking others. I am too nervous to ask our neighbours if it bothers them. Should I?

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BlogOnTheTyne · 03/11/2013 07:01

This reminds me of when twins were babies and woke crying on and off the entire night, despite us co-sleeping and long-term b/feeding on demand. My neighbours - young professional child free couple, would bang on the wall of our semi-detached house, every time the babies cried, which made the twins cry more and my stress levels go through the roof!

I endlessly apologised to them and explained that I was always right there to tend to my babies and not leaving them to cry (wouldn't have dared to try this, even if I'd wanted to - because of the neighbours).

It was so difficult knowing that no matter what I did, my babies cried and that this angered my neighbours, yet not knowing how to change this. In the end, the neighbours harassed me into agreeing to sound proof the party wall (having already suggested we don't sleep in the bedroom at all, so that we didn't disturb them, despite there being nowhere else in the tiny house for me and babies to sleep). They got quotes on costs and I was on the point of spending hundreds of pounds that I didn't have, as a single mum solely reliant on my own income.

Thankfully, I was able to move house just before investing in my neighbours soundproofing. Whilst I could fully sympathise with them - and did - that being woken by babies crying can be like torture (after all, I was sleep-free for years whilst my babies were young), it really really didn't help for them to complain constantly when I was already doing everything possible to keep my twins quiet.

Looking back now, I wish I'd been more assertive and less stressed every single time my babies cried. It really increased the stress any new parent feels, especially with twins and no partner/family support and spoiled so much of that precious time.

OP, please don't worry about your baby crying. This is the nature of life in adjoined properties, flats, terraces or semis and anyone living there must accept that this is the case. It's hard enough hearing your little one/s crying, without the added anxiety of what will the neighbours think. I wish I could go back there now, as my older and wiser self and help out the younger me and stand by her and tell her not to be cowed by my neighbours. Yes, it might be kind of you to mention to your neighbours that you're aware of the noise your baby makes but don't be too apologetic, like I was. Your baby won't cry like this forever and we all have to put up with a certain amount of natural background noise when we live in communities.

wamabama · 03/11/2013 07:02

I think it comes with the territory of having neighbours full stop, or certainly of living in a family area. If you're not wanting children making noise then either live in an 'adult area' or a detached house I say.

My neighbours have 'fallen out' with us because our youngest is a bad teether Hmm. When we had our first two they were absolutely fine, would even tell us how they never heard them making noise and how they must be very well behaved etc. Then when DC3 came along and was quite a screamy baby if you like (would scream in your arms even, didn't matter what you tried to do to help her) they thumped on the walls one evening (6 p.m ffs) and that was it. We got annoyed at the fact they'd done it but then they started doing things to make noise and were acting like babies themselves despite being middle aged! They started hoovering at 7 a.m in the bedroom, letting the dog bark for ages, did loads of noisy D.I.Y over Christmas when we had family over including hammering in the bedroom early morning etc. They also started to cross the road to avoid us if we were walking the same way and stopped greeting us. Absolutely pathetic, all because our BABY cried.

They're babies, they cry. Children make noise and have tantrums. That's life, you expect that. It's not like you're having all night parties blasting music constantly. I wouldn't be disturbed by a baby anyway. The other neighbours baby cries and I don't think anything of it, certainly doesn't keep me awake. It's really muffled anyway and if it's during the day or evening (like when my stupid fuck neighbours banged on the wall) your TV and other house noises will block it out. I personally wouldn't worry about it. I have been paranoid since though and try to get them to stop as soon as any of them cry or tantrum so I get where you're coming from.

Mumof3xx · 03/11/2013 07:18

I can't believe people would make a fuss at a neighbours baby crying - if you were having an all night party and blasting music then fair enough but babies cry it's part of life!
As others have said though my elder dc and dp don't wake when our dd cries!

meganorks · 03/11/2013 08:00

YABU to worry. You have enough on your plate! And what could you do about it? If its on the middle of the night and they are asleep it probably won't wake them up anyway. All you can do is comfort your baby and try and help them.

GiveItYourBestFucker · 03/11/2013 09:02

Shock at people banging on the walls! What knobs!

This might make me sound like a stalker but now the two next door are a bit older I quite like hearing them playing and having a giggle with each other. Blush It brings a bit of life to my day.

jeanmiguelfangio · 03/11/2013 09:59

I though my newborn would wake our neighbours- terrace house, and our NDN works shifts like my DH. Actually she hadn't realised I'd had the baby!!! Surprisingly thick walls apparently!! Babies cry, dogs bark, people are idiots!!

2tiredtoScare · 03/11/2013 10:33

I was pacing around with my baby for hours on and off last night whilst he cried loudly due to teething, I tried the lot but he just wouldn't settle. I did it downstairs though so hopefully the neighbours didn't hear

bumpandkind · 03/11/2013 20:16

blogonthetyne and wamabama such sad stories, real neighbours from hell stuff! Thanks for posting. The whole thread has made me feel loads better.

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