To want to call the Man I married my Husband

[Mrsdavidcaruso]

First I am not saying that Marriage is in any way superior and don't want to have a discussion about that, its more how someone wants the the special person in their life to be described or referred to.

The word Partner is exactly the correct term to use for the vast majority of people who are in a relationship but not married, but I do object when someone refers to my Husband, knowing he is my Husband as my Partner when I have made it clear I find it offensive.

If I am in mixed company where other halves are discussed like parent groups/childrens groups then the word Partner is the right word to use, forms with the word Partner on can (and are) changed by me to Husband.

But in a one to one situation I expect the person I am talking to refer to the man I married (not Mr Caruso alas) as My Husband.

I am going into Hospital soon and the Nurse was taking details, and asked me if my Partner would be picking me up after surgery, now just because I am Mrs C on paperwork does not of course mean that I am still married to Mr C so she was right to use the word in that context.

However when I said my Husband would be picking me up she continued to use the word Partner, when I gently and politely explained that I have a Husband not a Partner and I didn’t want her to keep referring to him as my Partner, I got a lecture from her saying ‘we don’t use the words Husband or Wife or Spouse as it discriminates against unmarried and same sex couples ‘.

As I say I can understand that term being used when addressing a group of people all with different situations and I would never in such circumstances demand the word Husband be used just for me in that situation.

But this was just her and myself and surely having established that I wanted to use the term Husband that she should have shown me courtesy and respect by using the same term herself and not giving me a lecture.

I am afraid in the end I got very annoyed and told her I found her attitude personally offensive and terminated the meeting, ( I will find out what I want to on the net).

I am sure there are plenty of people on here who would find it equally offensive to have their Partner referred to as their Husband or Wife when they have made it clear they prefer to use the word Partner.

So I don’t think I am being that unreasonable or am I?

Wow are some of you people for real? I've had healthcare staff drop some right clangers in my time: midwife asking when my husband was coming in when I was a single young girl in labour
, I had to say I don't have a husband or partner I want my mum!

Another midwife asking me and DH which one of us DS2 had got his chin dimple from (neither of us have one so was very awkward) wondered if we had the right baby for a fleeting moment. Not once did I think I'm outraged or consider being arsey and complaining. They are humans, they make mistakes. I make loads. It's life when you are communicating with strangers. Yabu OP.

I think you are so right Duckworth about people not knowing what rights a common law wife has! I sadly was involved in sorting out my dad's estate and I learnt a lot then about marriage etc. My now DH was my partner and wanted children but wasn't bothered about marriage but I was for this reason. My friend didn't marry her partner but he became ill and she realised what a difficult position she was in. She'd moved into his house 20 years ago, wasn't on the deeds of the house,he has older sons. Would have been difficult to get power of attorney if necessary it was a minefield. The law does discriminate those who are married.

I think the argument has moved on about the specific worker who was sticking to a policy to the use of a blanket term that is aimed not to offend a certain section of people could offend others. I think this is an interesting debate.

Redshifter I think I love you!

As an aside, A&E staff are meant to check if your DCs have an allocated SW.
If they don't ask, they are likely to check via electronic records.

PS Redshifter...just to be on the safe side...you did realise I was parodying what Married had said?

Luv ya anyways!

Er, some very good points Duckworth, but do I really have to point out that it's not always the man who doesn't want to get married? Let's not demonise the opposite sex, please.

Who is Mr Caruso? I mean in RL. Not OP's DH?
And why don't I know these things?

Agree, some extremely valid points Duckworth but can't most (if not all) of the practical difficulties you mention be eradicated by a properly written will (and no, I'm not a solicitor touting for business )

Well the one I'm thinking of was a singer Amanda but his first name was Enrico. If this is the one OP has in mind then she has far greater issues than whether he is called husband or partner!

David Caruso is an actor: much married, ironically!

Good points Duckworth

While there is a legal difference in marriage status we should be using the correct terms to distinguish it in peoples minds. I have seen many young vulnerable people both male and female who just did not see this until it was to late.

The same goes for same sex couples, I have seen young people in a long term same sex relationship lose everything and end up In a terrible position because they didnt have the same legal rights of a married person in the same situation.

Do you know if a civil partnership gives the same legal protection/status as a marriage?
I'm not sure, I think it does, but are there any differences?

Amanda & Becca - Is he some actor in CSI or something? Not sure. Don't see the appeal myself.
However the first time I heard Enrico's voice I was moved almost to tears.

Becca I know you were parodying but I can't help myself. I am a bit sad. I just feel massively itchy to correct peoples punctuation but too cowardly to do it, as I know I will make more mistakes than they do.

I glad you took my comment in the lighthearted way it was meant. When I looked aftervI posted I worried that it sounded a bit nasty. I should learn to use smilies.
There you go. I've used my cirst smilies.
So proud of myself.

And I am so proud to have the reason for it Shifter

And yes I think David Caruso is some all purpose American actor! (Had to google him!)

And that should be people's punctuation

to have BEEN the reason for it

Crowler - he has terminated a call from the hospital in the past when I' been rushed into resus, the hospital called my other emergency contact who then called him.

Must be reassuring, Andro to have a husband who puts his own sensitivities before your health . Such a prize catch.

Y father was taken to hear Caruso sing. As dad was born in 1917 and Caruso died in 1921, dad remembers nothing of it.

Coincidentally, my grandmother took me to hear Pavarotti, apparently at one of his first performances in London. I thought he was a bit shit too gaspy.

I am surprised that this thread has 21 pages but it is a very interesting debate.

Becca

And that should bepeople's punctuation

I told you I would make mistakes. I even previewed that post and read it through 3 times (saddo). WTF
Aaaarrrrggh!

Who is Mr Caruso? I mean in RL. Not OP's DH?

The ginger haired guy in CSI Miami.

redshifter and anyone else who is interested

seven ways civil partnerships differ from marriage

Gosh.

YABU

Bitching about the OP user name and assigning characteristics on that basis. Wow

"I'm as scared as I've ever been, but at least I have ahusband"