Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To think MN should not turn into arguments

93 replies

lindalooloo · 01/11/2013 08:38

I very rarely post on here but i do lurk a lot . I have noticed that recently reply's to posts appear to becoming more and more argumentative. I have just read a thread and whilst lots of posters were supportive there was as normal the few posters that disagreed with the OP and made it quiet obvious they did by basically calling the OP stupid. I know that not everyone in the world will ever agree but does it have to get into sarky comments that insult people, i know we all hide behind our screens and i'm sure the people who post some of the comments wouldn't really say them in the "real world", but if we have our opinions we should be able to share them without making out the other person is wrong for even thinking different. a simple "i understand what your saying but my opinion is " would be much nicer.

I am sorry to post this but I just wanted to get it out there. I will now go back to lurking in the background.

OP posts:

Tee2072 · 01/11/2013 08:40

OwlinaTree · 01/11/2013 08:42

I agree. My mum said if you can't think of anything nice to say then don't say anything at all.

I try to stick to this unless I really do think the person is BVU!

Geckos48 · 01/11/2013 08:43

So people shouldn't disagree?

I mean, I agree with you about it not descending into arguments, but not for the reasons you give, I think that people should stop fawning over members and allowing this to cloud their judgement (and conversely stop deciding they hate posters and allowing this to cloud their judgement) but people have to be able to disagree and, if necessary, tell the OP they are being a bit stupid.

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 01/11/2013 08:43

Suggest a nc..... Or you won't be lurking

I think though that sometimes one can feel so "dognammit do u have to be so foolish!" it comes across in the writing. Also it's half term. There's a lot more ratty mums if guess this week.....

ZombeeHatcher · 01/11/2013 08:43

Good luck with that ...

Original poster

lindalooloo · 01/11/2013 08:46

no i am saying its only natural to disagree but it is the way they portray it. i often disagree with people but i would never belittle them by making a comment that makes out that they are stupid for having that opinion.

OP posts:

OwlinaTree · 01/11/2013 08:46

But I don't see the point of being unpleasant for the sake of it... Tho not many on here are in my opinion, most people have something to add, not just saying you're a twit etc

everlong · 01/11/2013 08:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bearleftmonkeyright · 01/11/2013 08:54

I was on a thread recently where the op was getting a lot of yabvvu and I thought the opposite. I was quite shocked at the flak the op was getting but there seems to be two main reasons threads on aibu turn into bunfights. Drip feeding and getting defensive. I don't think aibu is a good place for very sensitive subjects if you are not prepared to either accept maybe yabu or fully give the relevant facts. Not easy when you have a very difficult dilemma.

KeemaNaanAndCurryon · 01/11/2013 08:59

There are some posters who forget there's real life people on the receiving end and can act like total twats when putting their point across.

Its not limited to MN though. Tis the same whichever forum you happen to be on and particularly bad on AIBU. You could try hiding that topic for your own blood pressure.

Sparklingbrook · 01/11/2013 09:01

I think if you are going to join in on MN you have to accept that everyone is different, and you will have to put up with lovely people and idiots alike.

Just like in RL

harticus · 01/11/2013 09:02

The world is full of keyboard warriors who wouldn't say boo to a goose in RL.

meditrina · 01/11/2013 09:03

It depends where you post. Anywhere other thn AIBU, and there is support plenty.

OP: you have chosen to post in AIBU, rather than say, Chat or Site Issues.

Any particular reason for that choice?

RevelsRoulette · 01/11/2013 09:04

I agree that there are ways to disagree you can argue your case forcefully without getting nasty. You don't have to call people names. Attack the argument not the person.

(obviously I am talking about genuine posters and debate and not the 'I had a baby with my twin brother and I like to lick poo is this normal, ps you're a bunch of bitches' crowd)

Sparklingbrook · 01/11/2013 09:06

And if you post in AIBU people may possible disagree with you-that's worth remembering.

I say it on all these sort of threads. The only rule you need is 'Don't be an arse'.

Trills · 01/11/2013 09:08

YABU to post on a topic called "Am I Being Unreasonable?" and expect people to not disagree with each other, and for those disagreements to never turn into arguments.

fluffyraggies · 01/11/2013 09:09

I think it's an accepted fact that AIBU is not the place to post for a sensitive, gentle thread. It's the 'rowdy room' of MN i think. And great fun for it

I know what you are trying to say OP, and if you were posting this in Rships or MH or any of the other boards here i would agree wholeheartedly. They are not the places for a verbal kick about, and are places where there are very sensitive subjects being discussed.

It's a shame when a posters posts here in AIBU when it clearly should have been better off on another board.

JustThisOnceOrTwiceOrThrice · 01/11/2013 09:10

I agree op. Posters get a bit weird about anyone disagreeing with them. Recently for disagreeing with others on a thread I've had recently . . .

you are a fucker

pointing out my grammar mistakes

are you stupid?

this thread isn't about you (apparently giving a different opinion means you think it is?)

no one agrees with you so you should leave this thread

pointing out my spelling mistakes

various other insults.

etc etc

Actually might sign off. Its not nice here.

everlong · 01/11/2013 09:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sparklingbrook · 01/11/2013 09:12

Oh don't Just. Stay, rise above it and report insults.

You are a fucker is a personal attack.

There is fun to be had on MN. You just need to look for it. x

QueenMedb · 01/11/2013 09:12

To be honest, I'm far more concerned at the fact that so many women and girls are still socialised not to confront, not to vocally disagree with one another, and to back down in the face of any verbal attack or aggression.

What strikes me about AIBU (and other parts of Mn) is how often a poster is venting about a situation where she hadn't felt able to speak up in person.

Sparklingbrook · 01/11/2013 09:14

It's more 'Don't be an arse' by staying within the MN rools IYKWIM ever, and not making yourself look stupid?

Drip feeding is annoying, agreed.

JustThisOnceOrTwiceOrThrice · 01/11/2013 09:15

Sparklingbrook. Yes perhaps i should have reported.

MadeOfStarDust · 01/11/2013 09:16

I get "are you stupid" sometimes too - no, I just don't agree with whatever.... it is allowed... but I always report personal attacks like that...

or someone has asked for opinions on chat and I got "you obviously have no experience of this so why are you posting on this thread" ermm.... because maybe opinions showing a different view might be valued too...

hey ho - I just think sometimes that maybe someone had a bad day and move on.....

Sparklingbrook · 01/11/2013 09:17

Yes you should have Just, MN positively encourage it.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread