To think MN should not turn into arguments

[lindalooloo]

I very rarely post on here but i do lurk a lot . I have noticed that recently reply's to posts appear to becoming more and more argumentative. I have just read a thread and whilst lots of posters were supportive there was as normal the few posters that disagreed with the OP and made it quiet obvious they did by basically calling the OP stupid. I know that not everyone in the world will ever agree but does it have to get into sarky comments that insult people, i know we all hide behind our screens and i'm sure the people who post some of the comments wouldn't really say them in the "real world", but if we have our opinions we should be able to share them without making out the other person is wrong for even thinking different. a simple "i understand what your saying but my opinion is " would be much nicer.

I am sorry to post this but I just wanted to get it out there. I will now go back to lurking in the background.

I think if anyone ever posts "are you stupid?" directly to you then that is a good enough reason to report the post to hq, as it constitutes a personal attack.

Unless you are the poo troll.

Sparkling. Nope. Nor p&c spaces! It was about an op being pissed off that their new next door neighbour parked their car outside her house. She said there was a rule in the street that people only parked their car outside their own house and if they had a second car they parked it up the road. Except these people had only been there a week and didn't know this rule because no one had told them. This made them and anyone who pointed out that they didn't know the rule, a selfish cunt.

I and others did point out that generally on a terraced street like that people usually just park where they can find a space (as parking will always be difficult and if you don't take a space when its free and park a mile away instead, then someone else will take it two seconds later anyway) and that most streets don't have permanently spare spaces conveniently situated in a part of the street easily accessible to all the residents, and so new neighbours would probably have never come across this before and couldn't be expected to guess a such an unusual rule. Anyway that makes us all selfish cunts. Also, she completely refused to answer the question as to where guests parked if they were never allowed to park outside a house they didn't own. Asking this question make me a goady fucker

Sometimes people are just wrong. True. There is someone talking about MRA in Chat, and they are just wrong. Big [arse] for them.

Tee - you are right, and folk will have different tolerance levels of 'direct'

One person's is another person's

Oh how I wish we had an [arse] smiley on Mumsnet.

Haven't you got one somewhere in your amazing collection Pistey?

Meditrina i chose here because this is mainly where i lurk

If you only lurk in AIBU of ocurse you will see arguments. Try some other sections - much less snippy.

However I think there is a place for disagreement and I think we should resist the idea that consensus is the ideal. If I disagree with you it's not because I'm bullying or goading or trolling. It's because I think you're wrong. So you need to either change your view (obviously I'd prefer this ) or come back with why I'm wrong. Then I can change my view or come back again. Eventually we agree, agree to disagree, run down the thread to 1000 or collapse. If we started off agreeing it would be very dull and not particularly good for anybody.

Thank you all for replying and I do love lurking on MN as I have gained support from many of the topics, i just feel that sometimes people have a hard time on here.

Northern Lurker I agree with you it's just I have seen on here comments that stereo type people and actual comments that call posters stupid for there view.

how can it ever be right to be rude

have you not seen a pro life debate on here, it may be childish but i think it is acceptable at times when words such as murderer are used. not that all pro life supporters think this way some do, are they being goady i do not necessarily think they are they use less emotive words but to imply a woman can only have control over her own body if she has been raped i have no issue being rude to that person though on the whole i am quite a diplomatic person

and the endless debates about racism that popped up on here a few weeks ago got heated, the ignorance around racism is astounding at times so subjects like this i can understand how it gets heated, how others feel some posters are being argumentative, rude, aggressive when they are having to point out the stupidity of some posts

Arse

" i chose here because this is mainly where i lurk"

If you choose AIBU, then you will see AIBU-type responses. There is an answer at your own fingertips, which is to widen what you read here - and then you'll see a more varied and nuanced MN. One way would be to use 'active convos' as main lurking point, for then you will see all sorts of threads.

[hoot]

Seems Sparkling is there first Mintyy!!

Blimey, loiter somewhere else for less scratchy debate! Come to Woolly Hugs, tis warm and woolly over there [hearts]

Well nothing's perfect and the standard of debate is sometimes less than high Outright personal attacks should be deleted but you know I think we have to accept a bit of challenge. If somethings important enough to ask about then it's important enough for people to give their views and they won't necessarily fall in with you.

thank you meditrina for the advice .

I have a lot of topics hidden Freudian, and I do tend to be found on the lighter side of MN. I hadn't thought of all the debating going on about the serious stuff. I apologise.
There is an MRA thread that ended up in Chat yesterday and i was a bit

I thought Woolly Hugs was for those experienced in crafty knitting Piste. I can do knit and pearl.

that is a good example :)

I feel like I should go onto the serious topics and learn something Freudian so I may for a lurk and see what's happening. I doubt I would post I would be ignored or eaten alive.

I do have opinions on serious stuff but don't think I could hold my own if it's getting all ragey.

YANBU. I've been told to 'go and read some book's a few times on AIBU just for having an opinion and asking others their's. It's actually the posters who get so easily offended & defensive that are intellectually challenged, not the OP, in most cases IMO.

Active convos is a good way to go. However I am always drawn back to
( the dark side) AIBU. I love it even when I get a good verbal kicking!!

there will always be very argumentative,combatative people anywhere you go. I do come across them, I give as good as I get then move on.

And MN is very tame compared to the wider wilderness of the internet.

Sparkling, that's it, MN get filled with rage if you dare challenge their preconceptions or put forward a negative opinion on a topic that touches a raw nerve. Take the socio-economic divide in Britain & the debate between ff & bf , for example.

Blimey not at all Sparkling, I'm shit at knit I can do basic crochet well enough, but nothing like some.

We have folk the whole range of technical know how, if you can knit and purl, you are doing so well. We have some who learn to take part, all levels of ability genuinely and warmly welcome. Tis all about heart - honestly it is the thought that counts.

All I need now is BIWI to come along, she despairs when she thinks we are tempting folk in.

Anything about cat shit, dogs on leads, parent and child spaces and the evils of junk food/sugar bring out the worst harridans and the most tremendously humerous folk, both, I'm afraid, fun and enjoyable.

There is a line though and sometimes that can be really upsetting.

The worst offenders, I think, are the ones who (quite often) start a thread that's quite blatantly meant to start a bunfight, and that they know will lead to a small minority (who have the balls to step in and disagree) being belittled and sneered at. These are usually written in such a way that it's impossible to report them (believe me, I've tried) because the nastiness/goadiness in them isn't obvious to see.

There's one running at the moment - a real grenade chucked in here, touch paper lit, stand back, watch for fireworks. Same poster did a similar thing a few weeks back, mentally ill people were upset and the thread was left to stand because the OP was very clever about her replies and very obtuse when it came to answering questions.

Those make my blood boil! And it's wrong that they're allowed to stand because they're not smack-you-in-the-face obvious in their intent.

I do love Parma Violets though (although the giant ones are like the devil himself has wiped his behind on them)!