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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That DN in dressed up in my bridesmaid outfit for halloween

113 replies

BeigeBuffet · 31/10/2013 15:12

I got married in the summer and DN was my bridesmaid. She looked beautiful and I thought carefully about the dress that I gave her to wear. I also bought hair accessories to go with it.

On the day DN turned up without the hair accessories, but looking lovely in her dress. However, I've just seen photo's of her Halloween outfit and she has now been dressed up as a dead bride, with her lovely little bridesmaid dress ripped, torn and drawn on. She's also wearing all her hair accessories.

I know that children have to have outfits, but AIBU to think that maybe this outfit didn't need to be turned into a Halloween outfit? It makes me feel like our wedding outfits were tat.

OP posts:
Chusband · 01/11/2013 07:42

Given the background, I think your SIL has done this out of spite, whether consciously or not. Rise above it. Or reply saying how fantastic you think DN looks!

Madmum24 · 01/11/2013 07:51

OP I can totally see where you are coming from. I think this is terribly wasteful of a good dress, I have sent similar type dresses to the charity shops thinking that someone who perhaps cannot afford a new dress would be buying from there.

I'm more concerned at the young children being dressed as dead brides though, I haven't come across one of those yet!

TobyLerone · 01/11/2013 08:13

As has already been said, 'corpse bride' is a pretty standard Hallowe'en costume.

RigglinJigglinBones · 01/11/2013 08:52

YABabitU

But I do understand why you feel that way.

TBH I wouldn't have thought anything about this and would've probably done the same, if your DN has 2 similar dresses maybe she was asked to choose which one to use. Maybe SIL wanted to keep her one, and being similar used yours.

I've cut up and reused lots of clothes, and outfits espesh for kids. I cut my veil up to make a costume for a friends LO. I've got the pictures and the memories of it, I don't need a bit of material to remind me of it.

I don't see the issue with corpse bride, as PP says my first thought was nightmare before Christmas too.

mayorquimby · 01/11/2013 08:53

Sounds like a brilliant idea to me.
Yabu

Pennies · 01/11/2013 09:01

Maybe she's doing this

Original poster
BeigeBuffet · 01/11/2013 09:02

Thanks for all of your comments. I do feel that it was unreasonable. I would have been really pleased if the dress was used again, either for dressing up or for parties, but it's the complete ruining of it that's made me feel a bit hmmmm. I don't think that a dead bride is particularly appropriate for a 5yr old either but she's not my dd so I wouldn't say anything. I think I'm going to have to let this one go because DH doesn't share my views this time. A friend told be at my wedding to pick my battles and only fight the ones that can change things for the better. I suppose i should try that advice now.

OP posts:
Original poster
BeigeBuffet · 01/11/2013 09:04

Pennies, where on earth would you put those photos?

OP posts:
phlebas · 01/11/2013 09:06

Yabu. It's a dress, that's all. I remember being a corpse bride at a primary school Halloween disco nearly 30 years ago! Not sure what's with all the pearl clutching about that.

SuburbanRhonda · 01/11/2013 09:08

Pennies, that last photo is disgusting.

SirChenjin · 01/11/2013 09:08

I'm with you OP. I would have used it as a party dress until it no longer fitted and then passed it onto a charity shop so that someone else could have benefited from a lovely dress. The idea that you take a good dress (esp. one that was given to you by someone else for a very special occasion) and trash it is a bit Hmm.

phlebas · 01/11/2013 09:08

my dds were eyeless jack (13 yo) & a zombie puppy (4yo) yesterday ... no sparkly fairies

Pennies · 01/11/2013 09:11

I agree they're hideous photos. US trend that no doubt will be invading here soon enough.

SuburbanRhonda · 01/11/2013 09:11

Beige, I'm with you on this one.

I think your friend's advice is sound - don't let her get to you, especially about this incident, which is already history.

reelingintheyears · 01/11/2013 09:14

I'm with you too OP, trashing an expensive and clearly thoughtful lovely thing just for one nights fun for a five year old who will have worn it for a couple of hours to go round trick or treating.
I wouldn't have done it.
But, each to their own I guess.

I wouldn't have been able to take the scissors to it.

liquidstate · 01/11/2013 09:33

I also would be annoyed by this OP. My two flowergirls wore their dresses to parties after my wedding and once they turned up to church in them! Both were passed to charity shops when they grew out of them.

I think you SIL has issues and you should just disconnect from her or you will always end up riled by her actions.

Icelollycraving · 01/11/2013 09:39

She is a complete bitch. She knew you'd see it,the hair accessories being only good enough for Halloween is really nasty.
Yanbu,not at all.

pumpkinsweetie · 01/11/2013 09:42

I can see why you are upset to have seen this, but yabu as the dress would have just been left in the wadrobe for years unused and then most probably given to charity.
Atleast this way the dress is being used more than once and once you have got through the intial upset you will see that this was a frugal halloween outfit which enabled the outfit to be worn again.

SirChenjin · 01/11/2013 10:51

But not again - whereas if it was passed to a charity shop or reused as a party dress then there is a fair chance it could be worn again and again. As it is, it's probably only fit for landfill now.

Tiggles · 01/11/2013 11:05

YANBU
A bridesmaids dress can be worn to loads of children's birthday parties - and they seem to get invited to loads once they start school. A ripped up costume can be used once - at Halloween.
I'd be hurt if I gave my niece a lovely party frock and my SIL destroyed it, more so if it had been a 'sentimental' bridesmaid dress.
No reason at all for a 5 year old to be dressed as a 'dead bride', especially if she already has bought costumes that could have been worn.

Bogeyface · 01/11/2013 12:38

I dont get why people are saying she should have passed it to a charity shop, where do you think people buy dresses from to make fancy dress costumes?

My sons GF manages one and they always do a brisk trade in the run up to Halloween and New Year for precisely that reason, so chances are the dress would have ended up trashed anyway!

somersethouse · 01/11/2013 12:59

I have a 5 year old DD. There is absolutely NO DOUBT that that beautiful sounding dress could have been used over and over in the coming year and would certainly still fit.

It was distasteful and inappropriate and as someone else said, not a great lesson to teach the 5 year old, she should be extremely proud about having been bridesmaid... not encouraged to shred and ruin a lovely bridesmaids dress.

I was thinking you were B a bit U when I read the OP as I didn't know DD was 5, but this makes a whole lot of difference. 5 rising 6 is the year of the party dress! It's not like she is 11 and growing up really fast and will have no use for said dress.

As for me dressing my 5 year old up as a dead bride ... no, just no.
Spiderman all the way here.

mitchsta · 01/11/2013 13:18

I have to be honest and say I think it's quite sad she did this so soon after your wedding. Not from a sentimental POV, but - like someone else mentioned - because it's such a shame that she took the scissors to it before it'd had its time as a nice party dress. No way I'd want it to hang in a wardrobe unused, but would it really have hurt her to wait until next year before it became her daughter's dead bride costume? Especially if she had alternatives from last year's bargain hunting. If this was me (it wouldn't because I don't do Halloween) I'd be thinking "Great - I have this year sorted already, so I'll save that frock for her dead bride costume next year." Having said that, I'd go with the the "WOW! She looks amazing :-D" suggestion just in case SIL's intentions were spiteful, which they probably were)

Lovecat · 01/11/2013 13:36

I thought for one horrible moment that I knew your SIL then, OP, because her DD wore her bridesmaid's dress last night ripped up with fake blood on it as a corpse bride.

However her DD is 9 and the wedding was over a year ago. The dress barely fit her, so was not going to be worn to a party or for dress up again. Phew! Her DD also instigated the idea and 'designed' the dress (so the DD proudly told me).

I do think that possibly your (entirely awful sounding) SIL is behind your feelings about the dress, rather than the dress itself. I only had adult bridesmaids so their rather nice evening dresses could have been worn again many times, but they could have cut their dresses up for cleaning rags and I wouldn't have cared. Once they were bought and the wedding was over, they were theirs, to do as they wished with. I really wouldn't waste my time giving headspace to this - if your SIL did indeed to it to wind you up, then stressing over it is playing into her hands.

Original poster
BeigeBuffet · 01/11/2013 15:45

Oh god could you imagine! I have had a slight panic that SIL may be a fellow mumsnetter and that she would see all of this.

OP posts:
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