Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

That DN in dressed up in my bridesmaid outfit for halloween

113 replies

BeigeBuffet · 31/10/2013 15:12

I got married in the summer and DN was my bridesmaid. She looked beautiful and I thought carefully about the dress that I gave her to wear. I also bought hair accessories to go with it.

On the day DN turned up without the hair accessories, but looking lovely in her dress. However, I've just seen photo's of her Halloween outfit and she has now been dressed up as a dead bride, with her lovely little bridesmaid dress ripped, torn and drawn on. She's also wearing all her hair accessories.

I know that children have to have outfits, but AIBU to think that maybe this outfit didn't need to be turned into a Halloween outfit? It makes me feel like our wedding outfits were tat.

OP posts:

mumofthemonsters808 · 31/10/2013 18:50

Try not to be offended, anything is fair game in the mind of a kid wanting an original outfit. My DD wanted to destroy her new 6 week old school uniform and be a zombie school girl. I was having none of it.

bebopanddoowop · 31/10/2013 18:53

sorry but I think that's hilarious

DoctorRobert · 31/10/2013 18:55

yanbu. your sil sounds horrible.

Iwaswatchingthat · 31/10/2013 18:56

YANBU at all.

It is a waste of a lovely dress, which someone else could have enjoyed even if she was not going to.

I also think it does not teach her dd much respect for a gift or for your feelings.

Of course you will have sentimental attachment to it - it was your bridesmaid dress!

Try not to dwell on it though - it will drive you up the wall.

SunshineMMum · 31/10/2013 18:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

onedevil · 31/10/2013 19:11

Exactly what Lucy said.

Bogeyface · 31/10/2013 19:29

I got told on another thread that I shouldnt use my wedding dress for a corpse bride outfit as it might upset the "product of the union", my kids. They loved the outfit and thought it was brilliant!

I was absolutely not a bridezilla but I have attached some sentiment to the dresses.

Thats the problem, YOU have attached sentiment to it but to your DN it is just a dress, a pretty and expensive dress, but still. Yes your SIL sounds like a complete cow and used Halloween as an excuse to wreck a dress that she clearly hates because it was from your day. But that is a different issue.

WooWooOwl · 31/10/2013 19:31

Yabu. Dead bride is a fabulous haloween costume!

What would you have preferred the dress to do? Give your neice a lot of fun on an occasion that children love, or sit in the wardrobe gathering dust?

The dress is no longer yours, and the person you gave it to can do what they want with it without any guilt.

EmeraldJeanie · 31/10/2013 19:33

Dead bride outfit for a 5 year old?!
Not nice at all....
A spooky fairy in a pretty dress, or something like that, would have been less offensive to you I am sure.
Dead bride = bit sick for a small child.

flatmum · 31/10/2013 19:34

Wow I thought you were going to say she was 13/14 not 5! Who would dressa 5 year old as a dead bride! That's when you take advantage I all the cute pumpkins and ghosts surely!!

hackmum · 31/10/2013 19:44

It does sound like an act of spite on your SIL's part. There are lots of cheap, fun outfits you can buy in Asda or Tesco that are far more appropriate for a five-year old. Is she normally horrible?

heartisaspade · 31/10/2013 19:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ADishBestEatenCold · 31/10/2013 20:54

DN's dress when SIL got married was very similar to the dress she wore to mine, but that was never shredded and drawn on!

Could this be the problem, BeigeBuffet? Is it possible that your SIL feels you 'copied' her Bridesmaid dresses, and has been harbouring some resentment?

I am not trying to negate how you are feeling about what was done, but this might perhaps explain it.

Original poster

BeigeBuffet · 31/10/2013 23:37

ADishbesteatencold the dress was similar in that they were both white, little girls dresses. Mine had a coloured band around the middle and petals within the tulle of the dress. Maybe she does think it was too similar but I'd rather not dwell on that because that makes me think it was done out of spite.

OP posts:

Alexandrite · 31/10/2013 23:48

Yes I agree it was a bit insensitive of her to rip it and ruin it. YANBU

DiseasesOfTheSheep · 31/10/2013 23:50

It's only a dress And kids dress as zombies and dead folk all the time at Halloween. I think it's pretty cool, actually.

I don't get why people attach so much significance to their weddings. It's the vows and the sentiment that matters - not the clothing!

Tanith · 01/11/2013 01:01

So just a few short months after the wedding, your SIL sees fit to present her young DD as a Dead Bride in the dress she wore as your bridesmaid.

That's beyond spite; there's something disturbingly hateful about it, particularly with the background you describe.

I'd leave your DH to deal with it ( his warped sister, after all) and have as little to do with her as possible.

DioneTheDiabolist · 01/11/2013 01:15

I ripped up my bridesmaids dress and made it Halloweeny. My sis made cushions out of hers.

What do you want OP? That they be used, loved and remembered, or that they be wasted and rot, taking up valuable space in someone else's wardrobe?

APartridgeAmongThePigeons · 01/11/2013 02:13

You are bein a bit precious.

But I think having a 5 year old dress up in your sil's bridesmaid outfit as a "dead bride". Slightly weird. And possibly a bit passive agressive

TheCatIsUpTheDuff · 01/11/2013 03:58

I think YABU and projecting your feelings about SIL. What else do you expect her to have done with the dress? It would be destined for the dressing-up box at best. They've used their imaginations and creative talents to make it into something a bit different from the indentikit witches and pumpkins, and I bet DN will remember it for years.

EmeraldJeanie · 01/11/2013 05:57

Let's hope she didn't explain to 5 year old 'What do you want to be for Halloween? I know, a dead bride would be lovely'. ??!!
Charming....
YANBU but probably have to let it go op.

Jengnr · 01/11/2013 06:25

I think you probably are being a bit unreasonable but I understand exactly why.

TobyLerone · 01/11/2013 06:41

YABU and a bit crackers.

livinginwonderland · 01/11/2013 06:46

I totally agree with Lucy.

Five year olds don't attach sentimal feelings to a dress. To be honest, if my 5 year old was given (key word, not lent) a dress for a wedding and I knew she woudn't wear it again or would grow out of it soon, I would be perfectly happy to let her use it as a costume.

As for everyone bosom hoiking about the dead bride - have you not seen A Nightmare Before Christmas and The Corpse Bride? Both films that a 5 year old may well have seen at home, neither particularly scary and both with dead female brides in. Not everyone wants to dress up cutesy for Halloween, especially when the whole point of the holiday is to be scary.

Thumbfuckerwitch · 01/11/2013 06:55

I feel for you OP. I think that the dress could have been used as party dress without being ruined in this way - when I was a bridesmaid aged 3 (I think) I wore the dress to several parties after that (back in the day when kids really dressed up for parties!)

It does sound as though there is an element of spite to your SIL's behaviour and that makes it worse, if anything - but do you really think it is spite? Or just thoughtlessness? The fact she has other Hallowe'en costumes does make me wonder though. :(

However - if you DO think there is a spiteful element to it, then the best way to spike her guns is to post on her FB page something like this:
"OH wow! Is that the bridesmaid dress from our wedding? That's fantastic, what a creative way to use it again!" and then try and let it go. If spite was involved, a message like that will ruin it for her.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread