To think having a baby doesn't have to be expensive

[annabanana84]

I have just had my coil out as I thought dp and I would like to start ttc. As soon as I got home from having it out, dp started saying we should use condoms until this time next year as babies are very expensive and we don't have money for one. We both work and have a nice lifestyle but do have to watch the pennies. I am 30 and really, really x1000000 broody. I am pissed off at dp, because although babies do cost some money, we will have 9 months to buy all the baby things, even longer if we struggle to Conceive straight away. We will be getting most of the baby things second hand or off freecycle anyway to keep it cheap as possible. I hate the way dp let me get excited and now wants wait - a year! I don't want to get old and not have children :o( I think babies need love more than money and material things anyway!

Yes I know my DH's season ticket costs over 3.5k a year but we still found it better to move out and afford a family sized home. I'm just saying it's an option. I understand childcare would be more expensive but as a mother to 3Ds's aged 13-25 I know it's not for ever.

We moved out too and I pay about that to get the train from Herts - but you still need so much money. It costs £1k approx to rent a house. Add the travel - £300 a month (for one person, excluding cost of travelling within London, which I can't afford and walk 5 miles a day) - add the extra hours childcare - £383 for the extra hours for one child (in theory - actually in practice it's hard to get childcare for 12 hours a day or more and I am not sure that would be good for the child anyway) - you are looking at £1683 a month - it is not impossible to get a family house in London for that, you will have less space and more noise and I completely sympathise with choosing to move out and have done it myself. but what I am saying is you STILL need a fuckton of money

Yes I agree.

I dont know why anyone would choose to stay in London/home counties with children unless very well off. I live quite near to bristol and pay 330 a month mortgage. London prices are crazy.

But what you pay in mortgage is determined by also when you buy. House prices has really risen in the last decade.

We have had a few properties first bought in 2004

And lots of jobs are London/home counties only. We are very very lucky to both have local jobs slightly further out. But if one of us lose our job, we know we have to commute to the thames valley. There are really three hubs for jobs in both DH and my area. London, cambridge and thames valley.

Both of our jobs only exist in major capital cities really. So we could move from London but would have to go abroad to Paris/ Moscow/ New York. This is familiar with many

It's just silly to say people with children 'shouldn't live in London' - London is packed with kids. We stay for all kinds of reasons. London is bloody lovely in lots of ways. It is expensive, undeniably, but saying 'just leave then, and go and live on cheese rinds somewhere else' isn't madly feasible.

Bristol isn't cheap now. I'd be surprised if you could get much suitable for a family for less that £200k. Which for a couple of ftbs now means a mortgage of around about £1000 a month.

I suppose it depends on what you want. If you.live in a place where mortgages are as low as ours and wirk full time you can have a good 1000 a month or more disposable income, even on 'low' paid jobs. I think this thread shows children are affordable, but it depends what you want more.

Are your house still worth as little as you purchased it nearly 10 years ago?

It also depends on what you want for your children.

I want my kids to be able to do things that (unfortunately) cost money. I want them to live in a city that reflects their own complicated multicultural heritage. I want them to have new shoes that won't damage their feet. I want them to have parents who are happy in their jobs....

...oh, and to have their own rooms in the falling-down money-pit of our house too. I'd like them to have a bigger garden. I like the fact they have pets.

All of which cost money.

I live quite near to bristol and pay 330 a month mortgage

but 330 per month equates to a 60-70k mortgage.

what sort of house can you buy near Bristol for that amount now?

We all want different motherinferior now we have the money I prioritise overseas travel and moved to a area where would be able to very regularly pursue this. Everyone wants different but if you want children like the op then I woudnt put it off due to frivalous purchases as when we had our first we were on the bones of our arse but now live a very good life, whereas you could have fertility problems and sacrifice children, or end up with less children than planned.

I live very near Bristol and there is no bloody way anyone is paying £330 p/m mortgage, unless they have a huge amount of equity. Or they're talking about a garage.

Or possibly it's a really old interest only job. Do those still exist?

If you go on right move and search within 5 miles radius of Bristol then lots of 2 bedroom properties are under 80k.

Its only a 2 bed flat but hasnt got that much equity.

We did it up so got at cheap price. dhs friends did all bathroom, kitchen, rewiring.

I dont know why anyone would choose to stay in London/home counties with children unless very well off.

Um...because that's where the employers are?

I agree with everything MotherInferior and WordFactory have said on this thread. You CAN bring your children up on next to nothing - my mother did it and my grandmother did it but at the cost of their mental and physical health, personal happiness and ambitions.

art I live in a desirable part of London in zone 4. we have a combined income of 40k pre tax and survive just fine. our rent for a 2 bed flat is significantly less than 20k. admittedly we have no childcare costs.

Creamy, they're pretty much all shared ownership, retirement flats or going at auction.

Having children, to some people, is the "quality of life"

OneLittleToddlerTerror You answered my post as if I was addressing you directly. I was answering the OP, suggesting ways in which she could make having children not the financial disaster most people on here have suggested.

motherinferior I didn't say you should work days, nights and weekends after a full days child care. Surely you would share childcare with their father? You could also use childcare some/most days. Perhaps it could be your partner that does the majority of child care while you work full time or both of you could find jobs with varying work hours. Housework would be split as well. Again this was directed at the OP to give her and her partner options. I'm not actually suggesting you do anything.

I'm not trying to say that people are doing something wrong and that is why they can't afford their children. I'm just saying that Children don't have to be expensive. The word 'expensive', to me suggests 'not worth it' or 'costs more than it needs to'.
Children do cost money. But they don't have to cost more than you have.
It's fair enough if you don't want to/ can't consider any of these things for yourselves but why are so many people trying to convince the OP not to have a baby?
You're making it all about you and how much it costs you and how much you struggle. You don't know what the OP and her partner do for work or how much they earn, what help they have in terms of friends, families or benefits (yes benefits- some people are entitled according to the Government), what lifestyle choices or hobbies they would be willing to give up etc.

It seems this thread is really more about how shit some people have it in their areas (Income vs. Cost of Living) rather than the OP and her individual situation.

OP if you could come back and clarify some details we might be able to some up with some reasonable advice based on your own situation. Although I guess the best advice here is just talk to you partner. Find out why he thinks a child would be expensive