To think having a baby doesn't have to be expensive

[annabanana84]

I have just had my coil out as I thought dp and I would like to start ttc. As soon as I got home from having it out, dp started saying we should use condoms until this time next year as babies are very expensive and we don't have money for one. We both work and have a nice lifestyle but do have to watch the pennies. I am 30 and really, really x1000000 broody. I am pissed off at dp, because although babies do cost some money, we will have 9 months to buy all the baby things, even longer if we struggle to Conceive straight away. We will be getting most of the baby things second hand or off freecycle anyway to keep it cheap as possible. I hate the way dp let me get excited and now wants wait - a year! I don't want to get old and not have children :o( I think babies need love more than money and material things anyway!

• yes, and what he thinks is going to change, or does he never want to have children?

TondelayoSchwarzkopf Do you think your grandmother and mother would have been happier overall if they had chosen to not have children?

Pretty much all but not 'all'

Perhaps you should look up the definition of 'expensive'? It means 'costs a lot'.

And thank you for the kindly suggestion that I share housework with my partner - I'd never have thought of that, obviously .

Go and look at the links to research - proper research, not just anecdotal stuff - about costs. Think about it. The fact is, that a lot of people do find having children expensive. Many of them prefer, on balance, to have the children than not (though the kneejerk 'of course it's all worth it' is trotted out frequently to cover one's own secret suspicions that it might not be...). But it's still pricey.

I suspect that finding children 'worth it' depends on a great manythings. Did both partners really want children? How good is the relationship with the partner? Do people feel confident as parents? Do they enjoy their children's company?

Some of us feel emotionally richer for having had children. On an intellectual/theoretical level I can understand that not having had a child would have meant smoother career progression, the possibility of more frequent and expensive holidays etc etc.

But I would feel immeasurably 'poorer' as a person if I'd not had a child.

I does depend on you as a person some people are immeasureably broody. I know I was and why we planned children in our 20s, some arent. You have to find out if your partner is one of those. Children arent for everyone, and some people adore it all, sone hate it. Just reading a selection of threads on here will tell you that. I agree with fraumoose my life would be nothing without my children, they give much much more than they ever take away.

olive - are you sure you are getting tax credits on an income of £40k? That used to be the case some years ago but now the upper limit for childcare element is £26k for one child and £32k for 2 or more. Earning £30k wouldn't give you 80% off your childcare anyway, 70% is the maximum now anyway, and at £30k+ you would only get a very minimal amount off.

We are on around 30k ish dependent on bonuses and recieve a large amount of childcare tcs for 2.

Also you arevtalking about the none childcare element. You recieve it on a higher wage than 26k for one child if you are paying childcare the 26k thing is if you have n
o care costs. That is if your not paying childcare. People make this mistake all the time, its wrong information.

At a combined income of £30k you will only get 10-15% of childcare subsidised through tax credits though.

Thanks all for your replies. 'd'p and I are no further along the line. Of course I can't force him to have a child, but he was fully aware I was having my coil out and talked excitedlty about life with kids...up until now.

I suppose it does make sense that there should be some money on hand to cope when I went on mat leave, but we will never, ever be able to save that money as our outgoings are too much to put any savings away.

Isn't it just possible to have a baby, then deal with each financial issue as it comes along, because if not, then having a baby will never happen!

You dont hetienne I assure you. I have been doing it for years.

Isn't it just possible to have a baby, then deal with each financial issue as it comes along

That way lies misery and stress. Even with unplanned pregnancies, the financial planning has to start when the positive result comes.

You really do need to plan, at least a little. Especially if you earn too little to save now, without children.

If both of you are on board, then it almost certainly will be possible to make small sacrifices, cut down on luxuries, and save for a baby. Or downgrade your plans. Or earn more. It will need both on board, though, or one will be resentful.

Sit down with your partner and talk to him.

You can deal with each financial issue if it arises only if both partners are on board as then sacrifices dont seem a big deal as you both want a child more thsn anything else.

I think that's a question to ask him - not us. I think if I was 30 and really really wanted to have a baby soon, and my partner had quite suddenly got cold feet it might throw up some quite fundamental questions....

Which doesn't mean that he might not be a lovely bloke etc etc. It's just that it would be important to discuss your differing attitudes, in order to go forward.

Isn't it just possible to have a baby, then deal with each financial issue as it comes along,

No, you need to start planning and saving now. If your outgoings is already too much to save, how are you going to cope with the increase in outgoings and lost of income? Can you look at how you can reduce your overhead? Can your income cover childcare? Are they unsociable hours so you can't arrange normal childcare from nursery/childminder? Find out the cost of childcare in your local area. Can you live with that reduced income if you continue to work? If not, can you survive on one income only? Maybe you need to move to somewhere cheaper? Have you thought about primary schools? Do you mind which one your potential child go to? If you do, can you afford to buy/rent into the catchment?

Well what I meant is that you and your DP needs to both sit down and see where you cut down. You need to have spare cash as a two income dependentless family or you'll be struggling with debt once the baby is here.

oliveoctagon it's not true to say that tax credits pay your childcare unless you're "well off". If you have 1 child, only couples earning less than about £40000 in total are eligible for any help, and it's on a sliding scale based on salary. It's just not that simple, and you have to be prepared to pay for your child to be looked after, rather than relying on the g

Sorry, posted too soon

Rather than relying on the government to subsidise your childcare costs.

40k is much more than most families household income across the uk. Hence so many claimants. It may not be that way in se but it is everywhere else.

olive - tax credits only pay up to 70% of up to £210 a week for two or more children. Two children at a childminder full time is going to cost at least £350 a week, so even if you are on the very lowest income and getting maximum childcare subsidy you would only get 40% of childcare.

Again dependent where you are I have full time childcare per child on considerably less than than that.

And remember on the lowest incomes you get all other elements so you often get 100% and then some.

On a joint income of £30k, you get 16% of £300 a week as the childcare element for 2 kids. I wouldn't describe £50 as a huge subsidy tbh.