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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that if your child is scared of dogs you should encourage them not to scre and wail if my dog is 300 ft away...

468 replies

Beccadugs · 30/10/2013 21:50

Walking my dog today, she was of lead, about 10ft ahea of me waiting for me to chuck the ball. A child cycled towards us, saw my dog (who is half toy poodle so tiny) and started screaming. My dog just looked at her and then carried on our walk, if she was the type to run up to strangers/kids she wouldn't be off the lead. However, when she was a puppy and less well trained this screaming was an invitation (in her mind) to investigate.

While I accept that some children are scared of dogs, and that is fine. I would have thought that if there is a dog in the general vicinity encouraging your DC not to scream is probably for the best when the dog is ignoring you completely. AIBU, we all want to use the local facilities happily.

OP posts:
LST · 31/10/2013 07:04

arrrh it's too early!

I mean very rarely walk past children, without them running up...

HarryStottle · 31/10/2013 07:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SoupDragon · 31/10/2013 07:48

I agree. Children should be encouraged not to scream in these circumstances.

I do have children and if they are scared of something I get them to calm down and stop screaming - they need to be taught proper coping techniques. This goes for dogs, spiders or anything else they may encounter on a daily basis. It is good parenting and common sense.

The fact that the OP mentioned a dog has brought out the frothers.

SoupDragon · 31/10/2013 07:49

If a dog can't be trusted to investigate a screaming child it should be kept on a lead

The OPs dog ignored the child

PolterGoose · 31/10/2013 07:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

saintlyjimjams · 31/10/2013 07:54

Agree OP. ds2 used to be terrified of dogs & if he saw than would run, scream & wave his arms in the air. His fear (and ridiculous behaviour around dogs) meant he started not being invited to friends houses with dogs (ie nearly all his friends).

So I repeatedly taught him how to behave around dogs.

We now have our own dog, he now adores all dogs & I've had to work on the 'don't assume all dogs are friendly'

But yes as someone who had a very dog fearful child for their own sake they should be taught not to over react.

curlew · 31/10/2013 07:55

I do think a lot of the problems would be solved if people thought of dogs as the fantastic, wonderful animals they are, rather than as "fur babies".

I think that generally dogs would b happier too.

Retropear · 31/10/2013 07:56

Sorry I utterly disagree Soup

Teaching children that how they deal with fear and their first instinct which is to scream is wrong is likely to pile shedloads of self blame on their shoulders.

Kids also differ,why do they have to all react the same.Perhaps after the initial burst they do use other self coping mechanisms.

It was a child.

Personally I think it was the arrogance of the dog owner that brought out the frothers.

Lambsie · 31/10/2013 07:57

My son has severe sn and is often noisy and flappy. I should still be able to take him out without dogs bothering him. If a dog can't be trusted not to run towards or bother people, it needs to be on a lead.

Retropear · 31/10/2013 07:57

Saintly my bitten child can react however he wants to,dog owners don't get to decide.

LtAllHallowsEve · 31/10/2013 07:59

I think it should be very easy to meet a sensible common ground or compromise where dog/human interaction is the issue.

Dog owners should ensure that their dogs are taught recall above and beyond any other 'trick' and until then, should have their dogs on leads in public places. Recall training itself needs to take place firstly in non-populated areas as much as possible, or if not then the use of long lines, specifically for recall training (they are about 10m long). Once the training has kicked in, there needs to be further training, in areas where there are other people/kids, so they learn not to be distracted.

You can get high vis vests with "Dog Training" written on - I have one because I help my local rescue to train some of the younger dogs they get in. I'm not yet experienced enough (4 years) to train the older, more 'set in their ways' dogs. I'm lucky because I have permission to use a fenced MOD area for my recall training - but before then I always used long lines.

MuttDog for example is absolutely push button. I can recall her no matter what (well, except from squirrels Smile) and as a result I hardly ever have to put her on a lead.

Parents should also 'train' children how to behave around dogs. We spent as much time training DD as we did training our dogs. She knows how to react around them, not to approach strange dogs, not to scream and squeal around dogs (unless she wants them to chase her Grin) and to be wary of, but not scared of, dogs off leads. I think this is especially important if you have a dog fearful child, because unfortunately a child that screams when they see a dog is more likely to make the dog react and approach them, whereas a child that just stands there, or ignores and calmly walks away is far more 'boring' to a dog. Running away is the absolute WORST thing a child can do, even though its probably the first instinct.

livingzuid · 31/10/2013 08:01

Not unreasonable. Plenty of irresponsible dog owners, yes, but plenty of irresponsible child owners too that thinks the world revolves around their highly annoying offspring with no consideration for others. This thread comes across as somewhat hysterical.

livingzuid · 31/10/2013 08:04

And I mean no disrespect to those who have had genuinely frightening experiences. I personally hate being out with my dog and I see another off lead which is my own phobia. But let's not tar every one or every dog with the same brush.

curlew · 31/10/2013 08:07

Look. I agree children should not scream and run away from dogs. But they do. And if your dog is going to react to either of these stimuli then that dog should not be off the lead where it might come across children. Simple. Dogs have rights. But people have more rights. Because they are people.

Grennie · 31/10/2013 08:08

And i have come across children who scream when a dog that is ignoring them is on the lead. Let's not pretend this level of fear has anything necessarily to do with what a particular dog and dog owner is doing.

For example, I was walking a very elderly labrador on the lead. She walked slowly, and could physically not have run at anyone, but I still had her on the lead so no one was scared of her. Child on the opposite side of the road spots her and starts screaming in fear.

This had nothing to do with my dog or me at all. And there is nothing I could have done to prevent it. Mumsnet seems to love to bash dogs and dogs owners.

onedogandababy · 31/10/2013 08:09

I walk my dog off lead through country parks where there are play areas for children.
She does not jump, she will occasionally take a sniff of the children who are calling to her and holding out hands (but soon walks on when it's apparent they have no treats Grin) I will call her back if there are loads of kids hurtling towards us on scooters, mainly for her safety (spaniel of little brain).
The ones who scream (not generally because they're scared but because they are shrieking for fun) she gives a very wide berth to.

Having said that, she is very used to toddlers.

A dog off lead is only as out of control as a child out of hand. Surely everyone can get along. Of course if your dog is prone to loud barking, jumping up, aggression or has shite recall, then I am of the opinion that it should be on lead around anyone, regardless of age.

Incidentally my dd has been knocked about by a couple of dogs, puppies really, but luckily it doesn't seem to bother her.

christinarossetti · 31/10/2013 08:09

But I don't think anyone is living. People are generally saying that they're very happy for dogs to be in control which often does mean being on a lead, not that they think their 'highly annoying offspring' can behave as they like.

Dogs on leads except in designated areas would be my preference. Fewer children would be scared or bitten, fewer motorists/cyclists in accidents caused by running dogs. Dogs absolutely no worse off.

And if people think that dogs need their freedom, they should perhaps reflect on their own need to have a 'pet'.

DixonBainbridge · 31/10/2013 08:10

The trouble is, when my dog is on the lead it seems to be an invite for every bloody child to come up & pursue him around trying to stroke him. He doesn't like kids - as in is scared of them - but looks cute. The parents do little or nothing & having read some of the threads on MN I wouldn't dare to tell them not to.

When he's off the lead it's not a problem because he can get away from them.

Parents seem to have a blind spot with regards to kids & animals - I'll control my dog, you control your kids - sorted!!

Grennie · 31/10/2013 08:11

Dogs should be allowed off leads in green areas, unless it is a designated no dog or dogs on leads area.

Get a grip.

christinarossetti · 31/10/2013 08:12

Yes, dixon, I totally believe that hoards of parents let or encourage their child to stroke your dog when you don't want them to Hmm.

intitgrand · 31/10/2013 08:13

dogs should have to be on leads in public areas os where there is a public right of way.it is not fair that a dogs rights to run over ride a humans to wander free from fear

Grennie · 31/10/2013 08:14

I shouldn't have posted on this thread. I forgot how anti dogs some MNers are.

livingzuid · 31/10/2013 08:17

And very good post Lta - out jrt is still training even though he is 2 but he requires so much more work than my cav did. We are not all irresponsible owners!

curlew · 31/10/2013 08:18

Who has been anti dog? That's a genuine question- I haven't seen any anti dogness on this thread

intitgrand · 31/10/2013 08:18

dixon do you get troubled by all those flying pigs too when you are out ?