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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to take 2 single duvets with me when I visit SIL?

146 replies

cardamomginger · 26/10/2013 21:34

I'm visiting DH's family abroad in December and taking DD (age 3) with me. SIL has asked me to pack 2 single duvets in my luggage. I'm not that keen on the idea, but am prepared to be told that IABU.

My reasons for not wanting to do it are:
they will take up a lot of room, even if I vaccum pack;
we're flying Sleezyjet, who are fascists about luggage allowance, so no way can I go over limit;
I'm already taking over large amounts of chocolate, clothes for SIL, toiletries and some tupperware, so it's not like I'm not doing my bit already;
I've had serious injury and major surgery in the not too distant past and am still a bit wary of lifting too much, so I'd like to attempt to travel as light as possible.

DH thinks she's bonkers. But I'm feeling guilty. IABU if I say no?

OP posts:
PiratePanda · 27/10/2013 08:13

IF it's not going to aggravate your health issues, pay for an extra bag and charge her for it. But do tell her in advance so she can't complain.

QuintsHollow · 27/10/2013 08:19

All of you who advice to post the stuff to her, do you know what receiving parcels is like in the country ops sil lives?

You seem to take it as a given that goods are delivered on the door and at no extra cost at the destination, like it is here.

QuintsHollow · 27/10/2013 08:20

... Same goes for those of you saying sil should just order it..

HellonHeels · 27/10/2013 08:24

Even if you use a trolley you still have to get the bags to the airport (lift in and out of car or on and off public transport), lift bags onto trolley, push the trolley around, lift bags onto the check in, pick up bags from the carousel. Doing that for several bags might not be a good idea for someone recovering from surgery.

TEErickOrTEEreat · 27/10/2013 08:24

This is why OP should tell us the country, Quint. You also don't know that it isn't the case and it isn't just SIL being a mare.

Amazon claims to ship worldwide. I am not saying cheaply or easily, but if SIL is just being lazy/cheap at the expense of OP, that's not on.

Roshbegosh · 27/10/2013 08:27

Well she hasn't said where it is but as she's flying Easyjet it can't be too far away. Her SIL can order from anywhere online for collection at JL, we do it all the time. SIL just needs to forward emails to OP for JL collection point. If it's difficult to receive parcels then SIL has to pay the extra luggage costs then, simple. She should not treat OP like a courier who then can't bring anything herself for her holiday. SIL is asking for non essentials like chocolate, tupperware and duvets that just have to be from JL. She's being incredibly selfish and inconsiderate.

QuintsHollow · 27/10/2013 08:28

Even if she told us the country, what are the chances that any of us would know how it works there?

TEErickOrTEEreat · 27/10/2013 08:29

Quint, if you're not getting the point at this point? You never will.

Have a nice day.

SHRIIIEEEKFuckingBearBlood · 27/10/2013 08:31

2 single duvets would be extremely bulky

QuintsHollow · 27/10/2013 08:32

We also still don't know if op is staying in a hotel or if sil is hosting her for a weeks holiday. I think that makes a difference too.

I would personally not be as rude/cheap to turn up to my hosts prepared to enjoy their hospitality for myself and my child for a week, and charge baggage fees.

SHRIIIEEEKFuckingBearBlood · 27/10/2013 08:33

charge baggage fees for something they specifically asked you to bring, and for which you needed additional bag(s)?

LookJohnLookJanetLook · 27/10/2013 08:33

Ok according to Wiki en.wikipedia.org/wiki/EasyJet_destinations - Easy jet delivers to:
Europe
Africa - Egypt and Morocco
Asia - Cyprus (never knew that was Asia you learn something new every day)
Israel
Jordan
Turkey

There you go you can work out postage/delivery options.

Roshbegosh · 27/10/2013 08:33

Doesn't matter quint, it is not the OP's problem if SIL is somewhere remote / corrupt whatever. We are saying she has to bring all this stuff on the plane at SILs expense, it is still doing SIL a huge favour carting the stuff, picking it up at JL and elsewhere. SIL should still be very grateful.

Roshbegosh · 27/10/2013 08:34

Yes quint, maybe OP should go to a hotel, in another country. I would.

HicDraconis · 27/10/2013 08:36

Completely beside the point, but both amazon.com and amazon.co.uk deliver to NZ, not that expensive either. So do John Lewis, M&S, Next...

Easyjet don't fly here though. Which isn't that great a loss :)

Suggestion : vacuum pack the duvets, put them in a second case, get SiL to pay excess baggage charges. Or work out the cost of parcel2go delivering them and offer her that option (you just have to be in for them to pick up). Actually - would go with parcel2go, they're not expensive and you won't have to lug an extra case with you.

LookJohnLookJanetLook · 27/10/2013 08:37

Ok according to John Lewis www.johnlewis.com/customer-services/information-about-delivery-methods-and-charges they deliver to all the Easyjet places bar:
Egypt
Morocco
Israel
Jordan
Turkey

Grumblelion · 27/10/2013 08:37

Just tell her you simply can't fit 2 duvets in your case with all the other stuff you are taking for her (and, you know the clothes & things you & your DD will need on holiday!) and you can't manage a second case because of your back problem.

SIL asking for a few clothes/food items/tupperware containers is one thing, duvets is taking the piss!

SHRIIIEEEKFuckingBearBlood · 27/10/2013 08:38

the vacuum bags themselves aren't cheap

LookJohnLookJanetLook · 27/10/2013 08:39

According to M&S www.marksandspencer.com/International-Delivery/b/183243031 they deliver to all the Easyjet places bar:
Morocco
Turkey

friday16 · 27/10/2013 08:45

All of you who advice to post the stuff to her, do you know what receiving parcels is like in the country ops sil lives?

Yeah, because countries like that obviously don't have stringent import duties on people arriving carrying stuff they don't intend to take out again. Like duvets, for example. £200 quid of expensive duvet would take you over the limit in most non-EU countries, and get you a fascinating conversation with the local customs. Perhaps, with the OP having a small child with her, she doesn't fancy that?

sherazade · 27/10/2013 08:47

she's being ridiculous, not you. Why accept guests if you can't provide for them?

Original poster
cardamomginger · 27/10/2013 08:51

Didn't expect so many responses overnight!

Can't remember who posted what, but:

  1. I am not lying Grin
  2. SIL has always said Amazon don't deliver, I have taken her at her word. Later in the thread, I said that I had never investigated this and maybe it is that she doesn't want to pay the postage charges.
  3. Also re Amazon - if the duvet she wants is from a Marketplace seller, it may be that whilst Amazon DO post to where she is, the Marketplace seller does not, as these sellers are allowed to set their own conditions on shipping.
  4. JL do not ship there.
  5. As this is specifically to stay with family, we are splitting the week between SIL and the PILs. And no, I would never turn up and expect free hospitality like that. I would always ask if there is anything they want bringing - clothes from M&S, chocolate/other treats, toilettries (all the things I am already bringing and paying for myself). I also like to bring some presents I have chosen (although having a suitcase crammed full of duvet is going to make it harder to fit stuff in!). And I will be cooking some food (cakes, tarts), freezing them and bringing them over.
  6. Yes, staying in a hotel would be lovely. Not financially an option, unfortunately (which is a reason why DH is not joining us this trip).
  7. Will look at that forward shipping option someone suggested - thank you. Or rather I can suggest that SIL looks at the forward shipping option...
  8. And just to repeat again - it's not ME that wants the flipping duvets! If there aren't enough at SIL's for me and DD, then we can borrow some from MIL. This is SIL who wants the duvets for her own use. She was here in August and forgot to buy them (and she gets 32 kilos and extra bags cos she is a travel agent and this is a perk, so for her it would have been less of a problem, or she would have realised it was bloody stupid and would have changed her mind).
  9. Yes, I know, another holiday in another country and in a hotel would be a good idea. But this is to visit family - that's the goal, not really to cadge a free holiday. The PILs and elderly (FIL is late 80s) and not in great health and I'd like them to have as much time with DD as possible.

Thank you everyone!

OP posts:
ZombeeHatcher · 27/10/2013 08:53

Actually Poundland do duvet sized vacuum bags. Not that I would indulge SIL myself, just wanted to point out they are not necessarily expensive.

SHRIIIEEEKFuckingBearBlood · 27/10/2013 08:57

Zombee, do they? Are they any good? I've only ever had them from Lakeland and they are exortionate iirc and break after a few uses. I might try the poundland ones, then even if they only last one go I don't mind.
How much are they? Wink

HazleNutt · 27/10/2013 09:03

2 duvets can easily take up most of your luggage allowance! SIL is being ridiculous. Offer to buy and post. I'm sure there's postal service in that country.
I live abroad and when people visit, they often offer to bring stuff. I have always understood this as something small and easy to carry and wouldn't dream of ordering duvets Shock

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