Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to take 2 single duvets with me when I visit SIL?

146 replies

cardamomginger · 26/10/2013 21:34

I'm visiting DH's family abroad in December and taking DD (age 3) with me. SIL has asked me to pack 2 single duvets in my luggage. I'm not that keen on the idea, but am prepared to be told that IABU.

My reasons for not wanting to do it are:
they will take up a lot of room, even if I vaccum pack;
we're flying Sleezyjet, who are fascists about luggage allowance, so no way can I go over limit;
I'm already taking over large amounts of chocolate, clothes for SIL, toiletries and some tupperware, so it's not like I'm not doing my bit already;
I've had serious injury and major surgery in the not too distant past and am still a bit wary of lifting too much, so I'd like to attempt to travel as light as possible.

DH thinks she's bonkers. But I'm feeling guilty. IABU if I say no?

OP posts:
Original poster
cardamomginger · 26/10/2013 21:56

Hmm. Have never questioned the whole Amazon thing. Maybe it's that the delivery charges are more than she would like to pay.

So. Unanimous MN opinion is that SIL is BU, and is possibly barking to boot. I can live with that! Just have to find a way to tell her. She has a real way of loading on the guilt...

OP posts:
marriedinwhiteisback · 26/10/2013 21:57

How much would it cost to send them by sea?

TEErickOrTEEreat · 26/10/2013 21:57

No one can make you feel guilty. Just tell her 'No. I can't bring something that large.'

Retroformica · 26/10/2013 21:59

Ask your SIL to borrow them from a friend instead. Explain about your back and everything you are already taking for her

MistyB · 26/10/2013 22:01

I live abroad and do ask my relatives to bring stuff over, I order and pay on line and get them delivered to their houses. I offer to pay for the extra bag fees.

Is your DH travelling with you? Has she requested the other items you are bringing over? Is she paying for these items?

If you are travelling on your own with your DD and paying for all of these items yourself, she is being unreasonable. If not, she is being a bit cheeky but perhaps has not thought it through.

Cluelessat30 · 26/10/2013 22:03

I think the idea of passing on the extra baggage charges to her is a great way of making her re-think her request.

CaptainSweatPants · 26/10/2013 22:06

Get dh to ask her to pay charges

Original poster
cardamomginger · 26/10/2013 22:07

I'm fine with bringing stuff over, as long as it is reasonable. She has ordered some clothes from M&S that have been delivered to me. The rest of it I'll pay for myself. DH isn't coming with us this time.

I think maybe she hasn't thought it through. She is a travel agent, and one of the perks is hat you get the maximum luggage allowance, even if you are flying coach. She definitely gets 32 kilos, and I think she has even managed to blag 2 lots of 32 kilos. I think she has forgotten what it is like to have only 20 kilos and how quickly that gets used up.

I know I need not feel guilty. It just tends to be my default emotion!

OP posts:
TravelinColour · 26/10/2013 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lottiegarbanzo · 26/10/2013 22:11

There is no Amazon New Zealand. They'd ship from elsewhere with huge postage costs, not worth it.

MrsMeeple · 26/10/2013 22:12

I live OS and send home for some silly stuff, so I kind of get where she's coming from. I would insist she pays the price for an extra bag, and she sorts out all the faff, but I would probably help her, if you think you can carry it.

CerealMom · 26/10/2013 22:27

Why isn't she asking M&S to deliver her clothes and the duvets? My friend lives in NZ and M&S only charges £15 (I think) int'l delivery.

Comfort food stuffs I can understand, but Tupperware and duvets! Cheeky mare.

TravelinColour · 26/10/2013 22:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Trills · 26/10/2013 22:32

SIL has asked for you to bring something to her. As far as I can tell you don't object to the hassle of bringing it, you object to the cost.

If it is beyond your budget as a present, explain to her what it costs you (cost of buying + cost of extra suitcase) and ask for a contribution towards the cost.

Original poster
cardamomginger · 26/10/2013 22:50

She will pay for the duvets - order from John Lewis and deliver to me. It's that I object to the fact that they will take up so much room and I don't want to have an extra bag. I've had serious injury and major surgery, and whilst I am doing very well, I am still weak, wary of carrying too much, and this is the first trip I've taken with DD but no DH.

Just checked - John Lewis don't deliver to this country.

OP posts:
elcranko · 26/10/2013 23:03

Is there no other company she would buy duvets from other than John Lewis? I'm sure she could find another company that sells similar duvets that would deliver to her.

Just speak to her, explain about your back pain and how you can't carry any extra items so are unable to help her out this time.

Will any other family members be visiting her soon who could bring the duvets for her instead?

YANBU by the way. You're already doing enough to help her out by bringing her clothes, food, etc. Asking someone to pack two duvets in their luggage is a bit mad IMO! Grin

WestieMamma · 26/10/2013 23:07

I need to know where this duvet black hole is or I'm not going to sleep tonight.

Original poster
cardamomginger · 26/10/2013 23:12

I don't want to be outed! And I may be if I reveal the country! Sorry!!

OP posts:
MidniteScribbler · 26/10/2013 23:19

Why can't you just forward them to her by mail when they arrive at your house and she reimburses you for the postage?

ExcuseTypos · 26/10/2013 23:24

I think there's two issues here, he cost and the fact you don't want to carry too much.

However how much is it to take an extra bag?
You can just use a trolley in the airport, at each end. I presume someone will meet you at the other end? So you won't have to carry them yourself.

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 26/10/2013 23:29

No. Just don't. If you were going by car then fair enough but not by plane! Just ridiculous that she would even ask! Yabu if you do this!!! YANBU to say no!

foreverondiet · 26/10/2013 23:31

My sister lives abroad where stuff like that more expensive.

I always am prepared to fill up my full luggage allowances even if its annoying provided she meets me at the airport.

If I don't have space I just say so, if I have space I take.

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 27/10/2013 01:35

So the cheap solution is to book a sports bag so long gas you have a tennis racket or whatever in there you are fine and can add duvets. Just get her to pay the charge.

Or just tell her the truth about your back.

ravenAnyKucker · 27/10/2013 02:13

My SIL frequently asks MIL to bring her stuff she can't get locally (she's in Africa, MIL visits her from UK a couple of times a year).

It is clearly understood by both parties that SIL is liable for any costs incurred, & it's down to her to decide if it's worth it.

I'd just price up the fee for an extra bag & ask if she's OK with covering it; as others have said, you can trolley stuff round the airport so shouldn't need to lug it.

But if it IS too much after your surgery then ywnbu to just explain that you can't face it.

squoosh · 27/10/2013 02:41

Tell her it's an awful shame and a surprising turn of events but Europe appears to be all out of duvets.