to feel hurt that my daughter doesn't want my knitted baby clothes?

[Mayflower64]

My daughter lives a long way from us and is four months pregnant. She came to visit last week and I showed her all the clothes I'd knitted for the baby, all modern cardigans, coats and hats, no old-fashioned lacy matinee jackets as I knew she wouldn't like those. She looked at them and said straight out that she didn't want any of them as she didn't like knitted stuff for babies. I was so hurt, they had been made with so much love for her and the future baby. Are knitted things for babies really out of fashion these days? Am I just being stupid to still feel so upset???

She could definitely been more diplomatic and polite but she may have felt overwhelmed and be feeling very scared.

It was Christmas when I was five months pregnant and I got Christmas presents for my now DD. There was definitely a part of me that wished I hadn't got them. I was worried throughout that something would go wrong and didn't want to get baby stuff until I was closer to the due date. Having baby clothes and soft toys scared me.

I've just had a baby and my mum spent hours knitting beautiful things for him. They're absolutely lovely but even if they hadnt been my taste etc, I would dress my baby in them anyway because they have been made with such care and love, and I would never do anything to intentionally hurt my lovely mum as we have a great relationship.
YANBU at all, and you sound like a lovely grandmother.

I have an understanding with my lovely MIL who knits. I vet the patterns and choose the wool and buttons then she knits to order. Keeps us all happy!

My two DC have had some gorgeous hand knits over the years. They were definitely "not my thing" when the first was born however I'm a convert now and DD4 is still wearing them and new ones being knitted. The 6 year old boy has given up though, his choice and we politely asked granny just to double up the efforts for his sister .

YANBU to be upset OP, I hope you can get over the hurt, put down the knitting needles for a bit then casually offer the clothes when GC is born. I'm sure DD will have a massive change of heart when she sees her baby in them.

I think that knitting is something that people do seem to take very much to heart. There are many other things you can do for someone that involves just as much 'love and effort' as knitting jumpers.

I admit, it's not something I understand as I don't knit myself, but it just seems to be so emotive for people. More so than many other much more important things.

In a nutshell OP, what I'm trying to say is that no, of course yours not being unreasonable to be upset, we can't controlling whether something upsets us or not. You were obviously looking forward to knitting for your grandchild as it's a hobby you enjoy, and that is completely understandable.

But all the time, effort and love in the world simply cannot change the fact that someone either likes knitted clothes or they don't. It's not a personal insult to the knitter, it's just different taste.

I can only speak from my own pov obviously but I'd be gutted if someone used something they really didn't like simply because they appreciated the effort I made. I'd much rather they just told me not to make the effort in the first place. That way I could do something that they really did like.

I know you're feelings are hurt, and I can see that you see it a rejection, but once this has all died down I do think think that you will genuinely see that it's nothing more than your daughter having different taste to you.

I'll bet you didn't have the same taste as your parents

I would put them away for now though. Knitted clothes on baby's are very lovely and when the baby arrives she may love them.

My mum doesn't knit but I had some hand made things from friends (and friends mums) and Mum had saved some things from when I and my sister were tiny for my DS's. DS1 is 14 now, and we still have a lovely blanket that was knitted for him, was used by all 3 and now sits on the arm of the sofa in case anyone is chilly in the evening!!!

As an aside HDEE I am thrilled to hear your DS is still fighting, I remember your thread when he was a day or two old, and had wondered how you were both getting on.

OP, if your DD hasn't put you off knitting for life, what about telling her how you'd really love to knit something for the baby that your DD would like. What about a blanket or a little knitted toy? If she's definitely not averse to those ideas maybe you could go to a wool shop together and she could chose the pattern and colours, you could have lunch and spend some time together?

The only thing I have from when I was a baby is a little knitted horse that my auntie knitted that's no bigger than my adult hand. It's gorgeous and my DCs have it their room and love it and know the history of it.

Not stupid at all; very kind and thoughtful. I've just this minute come down from the loft with DD1's baby homeknits ready for DD2, I'm going to unwrap them and it feels a bit like Christmas! They're unique and special to my girls. And I think wool is fine for babies; mine have all washed well in the washing machine, and as long as there is no angora I don't find it sheds either. Perfect for every season. Might she come around to them? Perhaps someone has already suggested this, but could she be worried about jinxing her pregnancy by accepting clothes this early on? Some people are like that. Take heart, you sound like a loving mother and a tip-top granny in the making .

I was given some beautiful knitted stuff foe DS - little cardigans and blankets and I absolutely love them.

I will say though... I went a bit nutty with hormones when I was preggo. Cried at a number of gifts that I hated because I didn't know what to do about it. Now I've had him I actually like them, I just wasn't myself, and my reactions were all out. (as others have said, she should have thanked you and taken them) but i was not myself, and maybe she isnt either?

OP - I think you are doing this with the best intentions but I felt very overwhelmed by the amount of baby clothes my MIL knitted and bought for me when I was still at a relatively early stage of pregnancy. Your first pregnancy is a very special time and I didn't want other people dictating what I should get when. She gave me a massive box of newborn stuff at Xmas when I was only about 5 months pregnant (so before I'd bought anything myself). I spent much a Xmas day crying in the bathroom. A bit silly perhaps but I still feel upset thing because I wanted to find my own way as a mum rather than having someone else set the pace.

After the baby was born I was happy to take hand knits and genuinely used them. But I really didn't like being overwhelmed by stuff during pregnancy.

When I had dd my Mum who loves to knit made me a beautiful set in pale pink,dress,cardigan,hat and mittens all edged with pink ribbon. I loved it, she made an identical set for my friend who had girl at the same time however did not! Her face said it all, but she took it and said thank you.
I think your daughter was a bit tactless and harsh.

As much as I love knitted things - one poster said something about not knowing how to wash them. I'm a bit like that too, tbh, and wet wool freaks me out and I can't bear to touch it. I know this makes me sound weird, and it's unlikely that this is the reason your DD doesn't like knitted stuff, but you never know! My mum or my DH tend to wash the woollens in this house!

Me too, Chunderella!
OP you could make a fortune - where do we place our orders?

I agree with Bree. Having someone reject a gift is horrible, because it feels as if they're rejecting the love that has gone into it, especially if it is homemade. I am sure the garments you knitted are lovely. I'm sure somewhere there will be a mother who will be very grateful to have them for her baby.

Mostly you can wash them on a gentle machine wash cycle and hang them on an airer to dry. They are actually fine like this and I found they clean well. It could be OP's DD is worried out how practical they are though. There are usually washing instructions on the yarn wrapper so it may be worth asking for these if you get hand knits.

YANBU. What a shame, this happened to a friend of my MIL's.

Both my dmil and her best friend knit for my two - I love hand knitted stuff on them. If you fancy making anything for a nearly 3 year old boy or a 9 month old girl, drop it my way!

Aw Randall beat me to it!

At least you can now do what you like with the knits knowing that some baby somewhere will wear them as you intended.

Perhaps ask her once the baby is born if she would like a blanket or a bear knitted and knit ONE. I don't mind knitted stuff but I think blankets and bears are much easier to keep frill and twee free.

Oh poor you and how insensitive of her. Did she know you were knitting though? Is this one of those occasions, a bit Bridezillaish, where she has a fixed idea of the perfection everything will be with a rosy faced baby is a designer babygro with perfect skin and who feeds for twenty minutes every four hours .

I'd put the cardigans at least to one side in a safe little place. It's chilly in March/April and sometimes May and it won't be long until your dd realises that a little knitted cardigan lovingly made and donated is just the trick over a babygro; especially when she discovers she needs three a day for all that posset. Even if it is to protect the expensive and beautifully trimmed outfits she pictured her baby in and which she will quickly discard for an economy packet of supermarkets ones when she realises how many she needs in the early weeks and what a faff it is changing nappies, etc

I think you just need to play a waiting game OP. When she hasn't slept for a week and the washing's piling up she'll be grateful of some clean bits and pieces and someone who has forgiven her to come and stay and look after her for a bit.

I don't think the daughter was rude. All she said was she didn't want them as she didn't like knitted stuff for babies. Fair enough, no? And better to tell her mother ASAP before the mother carries on knitting all this stuff (OP says 'I showed her all the clothes I'd knitted ... cardigans, coats and hats ...' - exactly how much stuff is there already? Sounds loads.) that the daughter knows she won't use, for whatever reason - doesn't like the style, doesn't like itchy wool and prefers organic cotton and hemp, perhaps the daughter is very excited to be able to shop and choose her own clothes for her baby. I would not have liked all that knitted stuff at all. Perhaps a blanket.

I wouldn't have reacted in the same way (and I didn't) but I did not want knitted baby stuff when I was 4 months pregnant. I remember wanting to do it my own way, choose my own stuff, get used to the idea of a baby (which I was really struggling with) in my own time. I felt utterly pressured into the 'woo hoo your having a baby' when all I wanted to do was hide and forget the whole thing.

Knitted clothes can be very fashionable! I showed my mum the stuff on the baby Dior website so that she could get an idea of the styles i liked.

I now have some lovely knitted clothes that mean more to me than anything from that website.

She may also have felt that her mum was encroaching on her freedom to choose herself, in her own timeframe.

I think presenting a pregnant person with a bundle of hand knitted clothes that you have obviously toiled over, without being prompted to, could be seen as overkill and pressure.

A simple "would you like me to knit a few hats and cardis?" would have been more appropriate than having them offered up as a done deal.
See now I have dressed your baby...say thank you!

Kwim? It's hard to articulate.

My mum knitted loads for me during my pgcy btw - but she consulted me on all of it. We chose wool and patterns together.
She knew if she offered up something I didn't like, I wouldn't use it...and what's more, she did not hold that against me.

I think that 4 months is way too early to be giving her things for a baby. Even people who aren't superstitious usually can feel a bit funny about getting things early for their baby.

What type of yarn did you use? I don't like anything woolen or acrylic (or at least that feel it) for DD, she was a warm baby, always wearing a layer less than others. And like others, I wouldn't dress her in anything that might be itchy. Cotton or bamboo are lovely and everything she has knitted is machine washable.

My MIL is a great knitter. She knits loads for DD. She mostly knits with Debbie Bliss yarns and patterns (I think). She checks patterns and colours with me before buying and I can ask for anything I like. When she does something that we haven't discussed then those things don't get as much use as they either don't suit what DD needs or are in colours I'm not keen on or don't have anything to go with. MIL generally chat on the phone while sharing internet links for things that might be nice. Ravelry is particularly good for doing that. It has honestly brought us closer together.

MIL has also knitted some lovely toys for DD - some from Ravelry and some from a book of knitted animals that we bought her while I was pregnant.