to feel hurt that my daughter doesn't want my knitted baby clothes?

[Mayflower64]

My daughter lives a long way from us and is four months pregnant. She came to visit last week and I showed her all the clothes I'd knitted for the baby, all modern cardigans, coats and hats, no old-fashioned lacy matinee jackets as I knew she wouldn't like those. She looked at them and said straight out that she didn't want any of them as she didn't like knitted stuff for babies. I was so hurt, they had been made with so much love for her and the future baby. Are knitted things for babies really out of fashion these days? Am I just being stupid to still feel so upset???

Yes it might all have been too much & OP could have asked.

But if OPs daughter knows she is a knitter, she might have expected it?

And could have been more tactful.

Unless you ask someone what they want for a baby, then most gifts are going to be to the taste of the giver.

I love hand knitted things and from the pictures I have seen the nieces and nephews we have had in the family the last two years have all worn them. They go over babygrows nicely but I know a lot of people like to dress babies in 'clothes' nowasays.

I have a lot of DS1's (27) knitted baby stuff, DS 2 also wore them, they do seem a bit old fashioned (in their design) and probably wont be worn again but I like to keep it.

For those that like to knit (funny just been looking at this on FB)

.......S.A.N.D.S are looking for knitted things for memory boxes as they are running low. There is also a lady whose page I cant find at the moment who makes knitted goods for those lost during pregnancy

My Nan gave me 2 knitted cardigans and hats when my DD was 2 months old, not knitted by her but a friend at the home she lived in, though not something I would have purchased, they're beautiful.

I have some lovely pictures of DD in them and I'll treasure those items forever, so YANBU. She could have just taken them away and put the child in it when she sees you!

YANBU OP, I can understand why you were hurt.

Quite seriously, if anybody on this thread would like any baby clothes knitting, I would happily do it for the price of the wool. I adore knitting baby clothes and sadly most of my friends and family are too big for baby clothes now! I've done it for other people on Mumsnet who will vouch that I won't do a runner with the wool

No - not really! Do you go around telling people what you want for birthday or Christmas presents, or send out present lists when your DCs have birthdays? Of course you don't, you accept any presents that you might receive with manners and kindness, recognising that the present giver (in the vast majority of cases) has put time, effort, money and thought into the gift they are giving you.

I really think some of you are overthinking this - the DD might have thought this, she might have felt that - when actually it really doesn't matter (or shouldn't) matter. The polite thing to do would be to smile, recognise that this is the OPs grandchild as well as your child, and as such a much loved, new addition to the family, and that the hand knitted item comes with love, excitement, joy, kind thoughts and a desire to create something special for a new generation.

It really should not be that hard to say "thank you".

I've not read all posts so apologies if this has already been said but don't panic about washing wool! My two dc live in hand knitted stuff courtesy of my family. I've a hand wash cycle on my machine or use the delicates on others. Keep the temperature low and dry reshaped and they are fine.

I think you've articulated it perfectly Pictish. I completely agree.

Gosh, how rude

When I was pregnant with DD I worked in a cafe, and one of the regulars was a little old lady. One day she came in with three tiny cardis she'd knitted for my baby. I was incredibly touched and grateful, and yes, DD wore them, and I even kept them afterwards - still have them packed away somewhere. I can't even imagine being so rude and ungrateful to anyone, never mind my own mother!

My mum is a talented and prolific knitter.

When I was pg she knitted loads, and tbh it made me uncomfortable, tempting fate as it were.
I had to ask her not to give it to me, but to keep it. I think the poster waay above who said something about the weight of expectation that you will be able to produce a healthy baby.
I was seriously ill, dd was prem, and we nearly lost both of us at one point. And I do remember feeling irrationally stressed about all the clothes during those weeks.

Once we were both out of the woods, mum knitted loads of prem clothes out of beautiful soft baby yarn. She donated half of them to the hospital that looked after us when the nurses commented on dd's gorgeous knitted clothes.

She still knits for the hospital, using oddments of leftover baby wool and we still get stuff for our toddler, kids knitwear is ace because it stretches with them, lasts for ages before they grow out of it!

Ani I still get loads of comments from people about how nice dd's knitted clothes are, and when I say it's a grandma knit, they tell me how lucky I am to have someone who will knit for us.

I love hand knitted baby/kids clothes. and as Mattissy said, it's really pretty fashionable at the moment to have hand made stuff. Sorry you have been hurt by what she said

If i were you i'd put them on ebay or give them to someone who will really appreciate them. xxx

We got out my granny's little cardis she knitted for my two babies the other day and they are now used for the dolls. I nearly burst into tears when I saw them, I felt very sentimental about how tiny they were and her love for them. The thing I loved the most though was a hand-knitted blanket, these look amazing and a wool one was lovely for the pram. I wonder if at another time, when you are feeling less emotional you might talk about this with your dd and get a sense of whether she might like something like a blanket (chosen to her colour and type of wool) instead.

My granny was very sensitive- asked us what type of wool/yarn we wanted and what colour, so that what she created was perfect. Sadly it got stained after the second child so it can't really be passed on but I still love thinking about it:)

I agree with Randall. I think Married's suggestion that DD aspires to designer baby clothes is unlikely too, she may well just want simple cotton things as I did. I think you should have asked her first before launching into the knitting. I would probably have reacted in the same way TBH, whether I would have said anything I'm not sure, I hope I would have been able to be polite about it, but faced with an ongoing situation I think something needs to be said. My DCs were born in Jan and Feb but still did not need loads of hot woolly clothes. Always check with the recipient before investing a lot of time or effort into gifts is a good idea IMO. Especially when they are likely to be hormonal. I crochet, but would never make clothes for anyone without checking first.

My husband's sister knitted a lovely jumper for our new-born daughter. It was massive, but I've got pictures of her on her first birthday wearing it.

I hate waste and feel extremely guilty when people either spend a lot of money or time on something we won't use. We still get fussy pink clothes and foofy hair bobbles as birthday presents for our little tomboy. The expensive ones go on EBay and the other's to Cancer Research which turns it round somewhat.

To avoid confusion, ask first. Money's tight nowadays, don't waste it on expensive wool. I'm sure your daughter would be delighted with simple babygrows and practical things like baby toiletries. Perhaps her rudeness stems from exasperation at the impracticality of the knitted items. How many nappies could be bought for the price of the wool for example? Maybe she'd like your practical help and thinks knitting time could be better spent helping her out. Has she asked you to come help her with anything?

My mother-in-law patchworks. We have a trunk in our spare room full to the brim with quilts. We live in a (very ugly, but practical) 1970's house, wooden floors, plain walls, lots of storage to put things away but limited space to display things WE like. We are guilt tripped constantly about why we haven't got her patchwork wall-hangings up (mostly featuring rag-dolls, Victorian bonnets and flowers etc.). She seems to have got the message and sister-in-law now has her own growing collection of craft to feel guilty about.

It's not that her stuff is not good. It is! It's just not our taste. Material is expensive, like wool, ask us what we need or, better than that,rather than quilting, come over and babysit and give us a voucher for the cinema so we can go out. Be practical! (My mother-in-law, not you obviously!)

Also, it sounds like you knitted a lot of stuff! The sheer volume could be overwhelming as well as being premature. Us Mums like to choose our own stuff, as do kids when they reach a certain age.

So, to sum up, ask first, don't impose your taste on other people (everyone believes they have good taste y,know).

I don't really like knitted stuff on babies, well I don't like the pastel colours on babies. So asked my mum and mil to do bright colours. Which mil thought was a bit strange at first but got into it eventually. But I discussed it when I was pregnant and mil constantly went on about things being too bright. I don't know what my reaction would have been if she had just done loads of white or pastel cardis. Ask her if its the style or the colour she doesn't like and maybe do a bright coloured blanket. We use ones that were knitted or I crocheted everyday.

I really think it depends on the person receiving , I adore knitted baby items ! My SIL however, really dislikes them!

It's not that they're now dated etc it's just down to preference !

Send some my way :)

My mum and gran knit. I remember being young and being mortified at having to wear knitted dresses and aran jumpers with matching aran skirts One of the first things I said when I was pregnant was "Do not knit for the baby", the respected my wishes. Cue dd1 turning 2 and saying "Lubbly top nana. Mine?" when she spotted something my mum was knitting for a work friend.

Dd1 only likes certain knitted things, dd2 loves the whole lot and won't go to school without her hand knitted cardi and has ordered a knitted dress and aran jumper for christmas.

You just get to knit for the baby.

I would kill for a hand knitted Arran jumper.
I bought one from Topshop, it is nice but it's not quite right.
Granny would have measured me and tailored the jumper to fit perfectly.

(Whiny but true )

Etsy have some really sweet patterns for babies. My sister, like me, remembers the shame of knitted dresses and asked for things not to be knitted for her son, until she found some very modern patterns on Etsy and then she was begging for people to knit hats and baby pods for her.

Meaning this kindly, you seem to be making this all about you. Feeling tearful will surely just add to the pressure your DD must be under.

I had 2 miscarriages before I became pg with DS and was therefore very superstitious. Close family was told after 13 weeks, and friends not until 20 weeks. At no point did I buy or have any baby stuff in the house until about 2 weeks before due date, and even then I felt very nervous and any baby equipment went into the loft. All we had for DS when he was born was a leaving hospital outfit and some baby grows and vests. I think your DD would have been totally freaked by the amount of stuff you have got for baby when she was only 4 months gone, especially as it sounds like you have knitted an enormous amount.

As for knitted stuff, well was the yarn pure cotton/cashmere or acrylic/wool? We only ever used organic cotton on DS, especially as he developed a touch of baby eczema, and the one woolen jumper we were given for him was very scratchy. Yes she could have been more tactful (but tbh we only have your take on how she responded) but better that she put a stop to it now than let you carry on.

I suggest you save one or two examples for after baby is born, donate the rest and try and make this less about you and support your DD through her pregnancy.

I only came on to say that the only proper Arran jumper is a hand knitted one.

A bit like Highland Dress socks - the machine made ones are vile.

Sorry if someone already mentioned this, but will the baby need woollen cardigans in June when it's born? Then if you have made bigger sizes, you won't know what will fit when.
I was given lots of carefully lovingly knitted clothes for my summer born children who never wore aby of them sadly!

Ah, thanks Sausageandorangepickle. It's nice to know we've been remembered :)

George is indeed still battling on. Unfortunately he won't be coming home from NICU, but will be being moved to the children's ward in a few weeks. He has some of the worst lungs the drs have ever seen and still needs a lot of breathing support and oxygen.

If he makes it through the winter I think we will all be surprised, but he's surprised us so far. Of course, the damage to his brain is still there, but at the moment we just want to get him breathing alone and will think about his noggin later.

He is so amazing, I feel so bad that every day has been such a struggle for him, and potentially still has months of having breathing equipment strapped to head and face, but the alternative...well, I can't even imagine.

Thanks for remembering us, the whole of my family seems to have forgotten ;)

i think it shows very clearly that someone has cared enough to spend the time to knit something.

my mother - who couldn't knit for shit - spend all my pregnancy knitting a write cardigan with a dark blue and blood red trim - it was hideous. but i bloody loved it

white*