to feel hurt that my daughter doesn't want my knitted baby clothes?

[Mayflower64]

My daughter lives a long way from us and is four months pregnant. She came to visit last week and I showed her all the clothes I'd knitted for the baby, all modern cardigans, coats and hats, no old-fashioned lacy matinee jackets as I knew she wouldn't like those. She looked at them and said straight out that she didn't want any of them as she didn't like knitted stuff for babies. I was so hurt, they had been made with so much love for her and the future baby. Are knitted things for babies really out of fashion these days? Am I just being stupid to still feel so upset???

Before I was pregnant I wasn't especially close to my mum, and part of what has bought us closer together has been her knitting beautiful cardigans, jumpers and blankets for my DS. He looks great, is warm and comfortable. We get to pick patterns and wool together. They are my favourite and most treasured baby items.

Your daughter needs to apologise, and I feel how upset you are . You have done nothing wrong.

Yanbu. There is nothing cute than a newborn in a babygrow and hand knitted cardi. All of my friends have had their lo's in them, they are very much in fashion right now. Neither my Dm or MIL knit and all grannies are long dead so we had no-one to knit for DC and hand-knits costs a fortune when you have to buy them. DD was in the neo-natal unit when she was born and they had gorgeous knitted cardis in there that had been sent in by lovely ladies for the babies and we selected a few that we were allowed to take home and I was overjoyed. They are beautiful and lasted so much better than a lot of our shop bought clothes.

I feel a bit sorry for her cos that would have been me. My eldest is now 19 and my mum died 17 years ago. My mum loved knitting, knitting every single night whilst watching tv, and found it relaxing and always looking for a new project. My sister had a son 2 years prior and I saw the matinee style 2 piece outfits she knitted him and he wore and didn't like them. When my mum said about knitting for the baby, I said that I didn't really like babies in knitwear though it was a long time ago now do can't remember the words exactly. I was v close to my mum and it wasn't an issue. A few years ago, my sister basically said that it wasn't a v nice thing to say and she never saw it as a choice. I was quite upset and it really never occurred to me that it would upset my mum-and to be honest it might well not have done. After all, she knew we liked her knitwear and she often made us things- i just didn't like it for babies. Basically, I guess I feel that your daughter would be v upset if she thought she offended you and it really hasn't crossed her mind like it didn't mine.

YANBU for being upset.
I am currently attempting to knit a cardigan for my baby due in a couple of months and I wish my mum had time to knit baby clothes! I am envious

To be fair, though, your daughter is not BU for not liking knitted clothes. It's personal choice. She could have been more polite. I probably would have taken them with a big "thank you".

When I had my first baby at 21, a lady I worked with very shyly presented me with a jumper she'd knitted for him. I was so touched that she'd gone to the trouble. It really wasn't my 'style', but he wore it and I loved that she did it.

I'm now on baby #3 at 36 and my tastes have changed.

How awful my mum knitted for all mine and I loved them lovely and soft and much warmer than anything you buy. You can't buy clothes made with love. My DD is only 12 but she says really hurtfull things to me too I don't think they think before they speak.

Have you looked at ravelry?

I can't get it to link - but, "hemlock ring" by Jared Flood, "Opart"by someone I can't recall and "alphabet blanket" by Debbie Bliss are all great knits.

That and a teddy/cuddly.

And, a Christmas stocking with the baby's name on it? Again, ravelry is your friend.

And, at the end of it, sometimes, people just aren't knitworthy. Like my DH who simply never wore the socks I knitted though, perhaps him standing on the dpns and being stabbed through the foot had something to do with that

Show her ravelry. She'll find something she loves.

And I agree that your time will come later when the baby is a toddler and older. Since her death I've had 2 more children and there has been plenty of knitted fashions that have come in over the years where I've said to my children, "if Nanny was alive now, she'd have loved to make you one of those".

you are not unreasonable at all, she is your daughter, she should have been more tactful with you. i think it's a good thing she told you though rather than letting it lie all in a box unused, that would have been a real shame, but she should never have been so rude about it.

for what it's worth, i know lots and lots of people who love knitted baby clothing, so it's her that's behind with fashion, not you. my mum still knits for my DS who is now 4.

could you donate it to your local maternity ward or a charity shop? a lady near me knitted blankets to sell specifically for cancer research.

I wouldn't give them away just yet, Mayflower. Se may change her mind once she has the baby. I am generally quite "modern" in my approach and wouldn't have thought that knitted things for babies would be my bag, but when MIL produced lots of lovely cardies and hats and booties for DC1 and I started dressing him in them I was converted (and ultimately I am sure ended up annoying her by pestering for more as the DCs grew).

Your daughter will be feeling all hormonal now too, and may feel that she wants to make her own choices for the baby, or even that it is too early in her pregnancy to think about things like clothes (I would definitely have felt this way at 4 months).

my mil presented me with a bin liner of knitted stuff when ds was born, unfortunately she had knit from patterns she'd had since the '60s when her sons were born! Plus she was a heavy smoker and everything smelt of nicotine.

I aired & sorted through the bag, picked out the plainer items and my ds wore quite a few of her generous offerings. Then when dd was born we used some of the more "girly" items but I also started to pick patterns out for mil to knit. she did an amazing little Chanel-style jacket complete with fancy buttons! picking the patterns (and buying & choosing the colour) was a good compromise for us. I miss my mil and her wonderful practical skills.

We loved getting hand knit cardis and blankets for my girls - they still have them and dress their teddy in them now they are 11 and 12.....

but - I would not have had actual wool in the house - hubby is v. allergic... so all are acrylic/cotton knits... so I would check it is not about the fibre...

Maybe knit a cuddly toy creature or a brightly coloured stripy blanket. Mamas and Papas do blankets like that.
I like some knitted stuff- soft hats for newborns (3 sizes as grow quickly) little cardigans for 1st three months (stretchy ones to bend their arms into)

For older children knitted animal hats are fashionable.

My cousin told her Mum she didn't want knitted stuff which disappointed her Mum. Really is personal taste.

Gosh I couldn't get ANYONE to knit for me when I was having my babies (now 9 and 5) my Mum's neighbour knitted me a lovely cardigan which I trreasured and both babies wore....Mum did one stunning blanket with rabbits on it...and an Aunt in Oz did a lovely one too when they were both bigger....OP I bet someone would LOVE them....hold on to them and wait till someone in your circle has babies....a colleague of my Mums also knitted my DDs a beautiful pram set for their dolls pram....two blankets, pillow....I love hand knitting and would happily put my DC in knitted cardigans. In fact I just bought a lovely crochet cardi from a lady on Facebook for my littlest...it was 20 pounds OP....could you sell your things? There's a market.

She's very rude and ungrateful and probably doesn't appreciate how lucky she is to have you.

My baby is three months old now and still in NICU. Not only has no one knitted him anything, he hasn't had a single gift from anyone, not a single visitor, and the only card we have had is from my employers!

That's a bit mean.

My DM couldn't knit if her life depended on it. However, my very conservative and traditional MIL loves to knit.

She made DD some lovely old fashioned, not my taste at all cardies and blankets when she was born.

I feigned excitement, put them in DD a few times and they are now in her special box. Although they're not my taste at all I think it's lovely that she spent so much time, and clearly a lot of love, making these things for her. So we've kept them and when she's a bit bigger her dollies (if she has them) can wear them.

Bit ungrateful of your DD tbh

HDEE, if my knitting wasn't embarrassingly bad, I'd knit you something :(

. I would have loved someone to have made me clothes like that. My dh's colleague knitted a beautiful blanket for our DS last year when he was born. It was greatly appreciated. Nothing beats a home made gift.

She obviously hasn't realised she's hurt you. Keep them, she may need them when she comes to visit you.

As everyone else has said, babies (and toddlers) look absolutely gorgeous in hand knitted cardies and jumpers. I bought a load from a charity shop for my two - the woman who was working there said that there were two old ladies who knitted for the shop and their stuff was always gone within a day of it being put out.

HDEE - I'm so sorry, that's awful.

I wish I had someone knitting for me! I'm doing it myself (well, crocheting, because knitting is just pure pain for the hands) and it takes forever. Love handmade things on babies.

Oh that's really sad.

I love knitted baby stuff, but appreciate that not everyone does.

It could have been handled better by her I think, but I also agree that 4months is quite early to be presented with a bag of stuff.

I didn't think that it had ever gone out of fashion for people who do knit iyswim.

I love matinee coats & dressed both of mine (now 16 & 18) in them!

I love the cape that a pp linked to.

Such a shame! My mum usd to knit a lot but with her arthritus she couldn't do it when I had DS. She got a friend to knit some clothes and, well, they were pretty dreadful! I loved the fact that she went to the trouble, chose the wool and patterns and got them made. She was a child of the '30s so it was little lacey matinee jackets and ribboned bootees! Very much mums taste and 'proper' baby clothes.

I ooed and ahhed over them, then later gave some away and kept some as keepsakes (which I am grateful for as mum isn't around any more).

Some other ladies (sisters, friends, colleagues) also did some handknits which were, mainly, absolutely gorgeous.

I've had this happen to me, my SIL told me straight out she didn't want me knitting for her baby, then showed me all the hand-knitted things she had bought at a WI sale (white acrylic lacy cardies at £1 a go).

The reason she did it is that she doesn't like me (nor I her) and I assume didn't want to have to show too much gratitude.

(Funnily enough she did come back to me later on as she wanted to start a business selling hand-knitted jumpers, but I immediately refused and told her the per-hour rate I would have charged anyway. Small victory as she looked like she'd licked piss off a nettle.)

Marking my place for comforting words of wisdom later as just off out ...
but basically my DS has loved a jumper granny knitted him, and DD just bought herself a lovely purple cardi from charity shop yesterday, so woolen things at least for older children are definitely "in" and will be appreciated - basically am sure your time will come as "knitting granny"

my mil knits the kids stuff occasionally,i actually quite like them and they love them because their grandma made them for them,im not made on the big pastel coloured cardis for babies but the jumpers my mil made were quite cool,kind of hippyish!

i think your daughter was being U,she was very rude.

During the weeks (months?) it must have taken to knit all those clothes, have you not once asked your DD if she would be happy to receive knitted clothes for her baby? If not, why not?

Pregnant women and new mums can get very territorial about their babies. Sometimes for good reason, sometimes not. I know - I was one. My mum would bring all these knitted clothes (some of it really garish, some of it ok) every time she visited and it would drive me up the wall. Some of it was stuff she had made 30-35 years ago for me & DB, in the color & patterns of the '70s. I finally told her that I don't like them, and don't intend to dress DD in them. Mum was very hurt and cried. By then, I already had a bagful of the stuff living in a cupboard and frankly couldn't face more.

By the way, most of this stuff was wool and (1) it never gets very cold where we live, and (2) I have a wool allergy and can't handle wool (which my mum of 35 years presumably knew).