to feel hurt that my daughter doesn't want my knitted baby clothes?

[Mayflower64]

My daughter lives a long way from us and is four months pregnant. She came to visit last week and I showed her all the clothes I'd knitted for the baby, all modern cardigans, coats and hats, no old-fashioned lacy matinee jackets as I knew she wouldn't like those. She looked at them and said straight out that she didn't want any of them as she didn't like knitted stuff for babies. I was so hurt, they had been made with so much love for her and the future baby. Are knitted things for babies really out of fashion these days? Am I just being stupid to still feel so upset???

I think people are out of date. Lotsofcheese doesn't appear to realise that they can go in the washing machine and tumble dryer. I always give the washing instructions with mine.

I loved having knitted cardigans for DS! They're easy to put on/get off as they have a little stretch and wash and dry very well, plus they're cute!

DM had forgotten how to knit, so she went to a local WI sale and bought some hand knitted cardigans there for DS.

I also received the most beautiful hand knitted shawl from an old family friend, I think she must have spent hours on it! I used it every day unless it was being washed for swaddling DS or as a pram blanket.

So no, definitely not old fashioned or out of style IMO!

I'd hold onto them in case she changes her mind, if not give them to someone else that would like them eg someone at work, a neighbour etc. and they will be really pleased :)

doesn't matter whether knitted is in fashion or not. what matters is whether your DD likes knitted clothes for babies.

i think she was rude to say she didn't want any of them but when she's only 4 months pregnant and you were showing her "all" the clothes you had knitted i wouldn't be surprised if she just felt totally overwhelmed and felt she had to be really clear otherwise you would have kept making more stuff.

My Mil is an amazing knitter and has been kitting our dd1 (18m) out since she was born. Sometimes they are a little old fashioned, but I kinda like that. She does take requests so has made some more modern and practical pieces (hoodies!), she's currently working on a comedy xmas jumper for her!

I do feel slightly pressured to dress her in them and agree that I don't really like the insipid colours too much (she never wears pastel colours if its my choice!). But, they are beautifully crafted and I really appreciate the skill involved, like you she lives a distance away and I think she enjoys feeling she's helped us, which we like too

I also couldn't afford to kit my dd1 out in such beautiful clothes otherwise, it would cost a fortune! I pretty much have a cardigan to match every outfit!

I think your daughter was pretty selfish towards you, however at 4m her hormones are probably sending her crazy and is it perhaps a little early to be buying clothes... could it possibly have freaked her out a little? It may simply be a matter of taste... but she was still rude.

If your relationship is good enough for her to say she didn't want them, I think you should ask her why, tell her it upset you and ask if there is anything you could make her she would like!

I wasn't a massive fan of knitted clothes for babies with DD1 (mainly due to buttons, hand washing etc).

Then a friend said she just put them in the wash with everything else, I tried it and nothing shrank, now with DD2 I'm a convert

Only thing I still object to is some of the wool my DM uses - very coarse and scratchy, which means I can't possibly put it on a baby...not sure what she's thinking there...

Mayflower, you sound wonderful and just like my mum. Fortunately I love knitted items and have taken knitting up over the last year myself.

I feel sad for people who don't like knitted clothes as I think they often let their childhood clothing experiences overshadow their judgement. There are some wonderfully fashionable and trendy patterns available and I don't think you can beat a handmade gift.

I knew that my mum and grandma would want to start knitting for me as soon as I told them I was expecting, and whilst I was confident in my mum's choice of patterns, I was I little concerned about what my grandma my knit (she's very young at heart and fashionable herself but I thought she may have some old and trusted patterns she might want to use). Instead of saying, 'I don't want the old fashioned stuff', I told her I was expecting by buying her a modern Debbie Bliss baby knits book (I had a reason to give her a thank you present for something else) and bookmarked the kind of things I liked (just outed myself to any family on here!).

I now knit gifts for my friends who are having children, but hopefully in moderation. They might only wear it one or twice, but I've had fun in the process.

Would it be greedy to ask for you as my honorary aunt?

Knitting is the in thing to do as a hobby these days isn't it? Along with all the other crafty stuff. I'm sure people didn't used to knit in the same numbers ten years ago.

When is her baby due. My ds was born on the coldest, most snowy day of the year in February and as he was only ever soothed by being outside I needed every single handknitted item my DM made for him! I loved how they looked and just put plain white baby gros on underneath, so it was all super practical and easy to wash. In my view your daughter is not being nice (or sensible - babies aren't mini me figures to be dressed up according to their mum's taste, IMO) but if she is normally a good person then maybe she is feeling nervous or fearful and this is how it's coming out, iyswim. If you still feel like making something for her then maybe see if she wants any bedding, bumpers etc? (If you sew that is!) she could tell you the colours etc she likes and you could choose fabrics together. Please try not to be too upset, you made the things in good faith and if you give them away as suggested they will be very much appreciated. You may also find your dd gets a bit more practical and less precious about baby's "look" (rofl) when she arrives and the realities of new mumhood kick in :-)

They didn't knit 10 yrs ago, it has now made a comeback and is fashionable. If you have a knitter and don't like the garments the answer is to buy them the pattern and the wool you like, or if you want them to pay for it send a computer link.

Mayflower64 If your DD is adamant she doesn't want them, see if they are suitable for the Woolly Hugs sale in aid of Wistons Wish :)

I can't imagine saying anything like that to my mum about a present especially one she'd made herself! I don't know what can have been going through your DD's head.....is she normally so impulsive?
And has she not thought that maybe the child when they're older would like to know that these were the baby clothes that Granny knitted for them, etc, and that clothes are expensive and grown out of so quickly so even if they're not what she'd like they'd be useful anyway.

Makes me want to cry thinking about it to be honest. Can't imagine someone spending ages over something and putting thought into it, being excited about the reaction and then being rejected like that. Wtf?

I have a tonne of knitted things (including matinee jackets!) from MIL

she is so excited.

for dd1 my mum bought her coming home outfit, for dd2 I am kitting her out all in mil specials - mittens, booties and an exact replica of the cardigan that she brought my husband home in

I think it is lovely when people make things for us and the baby as it shoes how much they love and think about you

she should have accepted imo

even a few favourite bits

Skrumle I think you've got it tbh.

Oh what a shame .

My DS had loads of hand knitted stuff from friends and family, it was all beautiful. Unfortunately he was 3 months prem, was in hospital for 6 months, then came home right in the middle of the 2006 heatwave. I was GUTTED that I couldn't use any of it as it was outgrown by the time he could wear it. From someone who so wishes she could knit, YANBU to be hurt that all your hard work has gone to waste. BUT it is that time of year, plenty of Christmas fetes, could you sell the stuff there?

What a shame . Why on earth did you DD not just smile and say thank you - for the hard work and love you've put into them, if nothing else?

YANBU. How unpleasant of her.
I loved all the knitted clothes people made for my son.
I still have knitted bits and bobs my much loved Grandmother made for me when I was a child.
Not sure how anyone can be snotty about things made with love.

If you are looking for a good home for the clothes where they will be much appreciated try this African charity -
www.gfafrica.com/#/baby-clothes/4557393185

Oh you sound lovely. My mum knitted vast quantities of stuff for DD including loads of traditional bonnets. Before she was born I was a bit about some of it, especially the bonnets, but after she arrived found everything she'd made so practical - easy to put on/keep on etc. I had so many comments about how cute she looked too. She's 2 now and still wears home-made cardies (and requests to!) and I love them even though they aren't very modern.

I guess what I'm saying is that your daughter might change her mind once the baby is here. Baby clothes are v expensive and some aren't hugely practical so she might be grateful in the end.

You went to allot of effort and your presents were rejected. I get that you're upset. I think she could have been more tactful, but i also think your timing was a bit out OP. Sorry.

My mum presented me with a knitted hat when i was 12 WEEKS pregnant with my last baby. I was and probably seemed a bit ungrateful when she gave it to me. Too early. I MCd the baby 3 weeks later and still have that little hat in it's tissue paper in a box somewhere. For ages it made me weep to think of it, and angry with her for being so daft. It added to my pain tbh. Sorry if this is TMI, but it's the truth. Deep deep (sometimes weird) feelings well up during pregnancy. There may be issues you aren't aware of.

I don't know what caused her to react like that, but I think it would be more helpful to you here, rather than keep reading that your DD is an ungrateful pig, and how she's the only one in the world who doesn't love knitted baby clothes etc., to perhaps see past your own hurt (over what is essentially just a bit of knitting) and think of why she may have acted like this.

Just put it behind you and and carry on being a loving mum.

I was given lots of knitted things but nearly all of them were made with synthetic wools. I only like natural fabrics so didn't end up using them and just gave them to charity.

Feel so sad for you.

I knitted my 2 year old grandson a vest. Kind of like an old man one . V necked with buttons and pockets. He loves it. When someone tries to take it off him he hugs himself and says "No it's mine I'm keeping it".

I used soft pure merino wool which is washable as I know DD with 5 DC doesn't have the time or inclination to hand wash.

The best clothing I had for my winter babies were the knitted ones.
Cotton babygros and little cardigans and jumpers were the daily wardrobe staple for my two.
Now I could be said to be a clothes snob DH certainly is (tailor to trade). But there was nothing better to us than something beautifully knitted and made just for our babies.
MIL made some beautiful Arran jumpers for them as toddlers. I still have them 16 years later

I think she will simply have felt overwhelmed and panicked by the sheer volume of knitting - multiple items with five months to go is quite intimidating when she almost certainly hasn't given baby clothes a thought yet. A bit like if you'd excitedly shown her into a fully-decorated nursery in your house. She may have felt it was presumptuous even.

Also, you say they're nice patterns but I've been given baby knits in nice patterns but horrible yarn before so it may be that it wasn't the knitting itself so much as the colours/yarn she was objecting to.

DM has to be physically restrained from knitting for my babies but the compromise we have reached is that she does tricky things in milk cotton - so she gets lots of time knitting and the good feeling of giving, but I can still dress my baby in 100% cotton or bamboo (I react to wool and manmade fibres are too hot).

Blankets are very time-consuming, interesting knits, especially if you do a cot bed size rather than receiving blanket size. If you were to offer one of those, in agreed colours/yarn and patterns, then it would probably take you most of the rest of her pregnancy and create an item you can both love.

I honestly think she's rejecting neither you nor the knitting itself, just the timing. You probably shouldn't have sprung it on her while she's vulnerable. I'm sure she didn't want to hurt you but just panicked and scrabbled about for a "no thanks" that wasn't "dear God, mum, we aren't out of the woods yet, stop tempting fate".

When my DS was a baby we went to sing and sign and there was a baby there always wearing very modern and beautiful knitted cardis and jumpers that his grandma made. We all loved them and I for one wished my mum could knit at the time!

my nan and my mil knitted for my older girls. modern stuff- they were all just lovely. They were both lovely. DD3 didnt get to know either of them but I love her wearing the cardigans they knitted for her big sisters and telling her all about how they were made with love. dd3 is about to outgrow the last of them- sniff.

I do love knitted baby things. But I agree that four months is too early and also no baby needs "hats". They need a hat.

I also agree that while knitted things are lovely they don't tend to get much wear in our centrally heated culture.

When the baby is older and running around, nice chunky jumpers are good for spring and autumn when it is too warm for a coat.