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AIBU?

To be pissed off DP went to a strip club....

689 replies

NancyShrew · 25/10/2013 11:13

When I made it perfectly clear I'd be annoyed about it.

DP doesn't seem to find it an issue and I'm fuming. He wanted to go to a strip club to "see what it's like", I said I wasn't happy and we'd discuss it at a later date.

He went anyway on a works night out last night, but apparently it's fine because it wasn't an enjoyable experience.

OP posts:

Report

ilovebabytv · 25/10/2013 15:21

I could tell my DH that I'd divorce him if he ever wore a red shirt if I wanted to, and if he wore a red shirt then it would be up to me to leave him as a result of my own choice. If however he wore a red shirt and I begged him never to do it again while going on about why red shirts were bad and why he was a bad person for wanting to wear one, then I'd be trying to control him.

Id agree with this to an extent. From another perspective, Im a bridesmaid and on the hen night i know there is a stripper involved.If dp tried to make me choose between him, and something that i find acceptable, then quite frankly he'd be shown the door.

I dont think anyone should be trying to impose their level of acceptability on others. If dp doesn't like it, then i'd respect his decision the he would not choose to go see them. I wouldnt accept him trying to control my principals though.

changewithweather · 25/10/2013 15:25

My 'D'H did this to me 6 months ago. Spent a huge amount of money on 3 different fully naked lapdances which lasted 2 hours in total.

Came completely out of the blue.

He is still here. I am pregnant with our 3rd child now.

Hand on heart I'd say our marriage has been completely ruined by this. I don't look at him in the same way anymore and I can't really ever see it ever disappearing from my mind. The idea of sex - even watching something as little as the skimpy outfits the dancers wear on Strictly - has been completely ruined by what he did.

In my mind, he was horrifically unfaithful to me.

I posted about it under a different name at the time.

Have nothing to add to assist you OP but you have my sympathies. If it wasn't for my children I would have divorced him.

Squitten · 25/10/2013 15:27

It wasn't enjoyable but he had a private dance?!

My DH went to a strip club as the final part of my best friend's husband's stag do. He went in, bought the groom a drink, was appalled at the miserable women, the aggressive bouncers and the fact that they demanded money constantly. He said goodnight and he left.

That's what you do when you aren't enjoying it. You don't have a private lapdance!

skylerwhite · 25/10/2013 15:29

They're just boobs
And bums...With bleached bum holes.

That's a disgusting, dehumanising attitude, Jolleigh.

Sparrowlegs248 · 25/10/2013 15:38

TheSeaPriestess my 'cool wife' comment was tongue in cheek.......there seem to be plenty of them on these boards whose comments sometimes make me wonder about myself. Because i know i can be a tad insecure.

Pleased to see that the general consensus on this issue is that OP is not being unreasonable.

Pinupgirl · 25/10/2013 15:40

Well I suppose a women could go to a male lap dancing club on a Saturday night....oh no wait they don't exist

So are there no young men out there wishing to be empowered joleigh?

All the "cool" wives-would you be happy with your dh mutually masturbating or getting a wank off a random women in a club? Because that's essentially what a private dance is-they are dry humping each other

And you let these men come home to bed with you....

creepypenisreaper · 25/10/2013 15:40

If dp tried to make me choose between him, and something that i find acceptable, then quite frankly he'd be shown the door.

I'd hope that he would have the guts to show YOU the door first if you were going to be that insensitive!!!

creepypenisreaper · 25/10/2013 15:51

That came off a tad harsh. But really, some people feel insecure in themselves (which is perhaps why they are uncomfortable with you watching someone else strip off), they shouldn't have to feel like you would choose going to see a stripper over your relationship with them! How would you feel if he did that to you? It's pretty warped thinking IMO.

caruthers · 25/10/2013 16:03

Strip clubs are embarrassing and degrading and I will not go to one.
I hid in a kitchen once when a stag do erupted when a young lady stepped through the door and proceeded to strip.
'I'm not a prude but it was in someones house and it was very intimately close and not what I would describe as comfortable.

Jolleigh · 25/10/2013 16:05

skyler - I was being light hearted. Try it, it's invigorating.

WooWooOwl · 25/10/2013 16:07

Creepy, don't you see the double standards you are making there? No one should have to feel that they can't go to a particular bar because their entire relationship is dependent on it either!

skylerwhite · 25/10/2013 16:10

Yeah.... because reducing people to physical characteristics is so invigorating Jolleigh

Jolleigh · 25/10/2013 16:12

Like it or not, the men aren't there for anything else.

HotCrossPun · 25/10/2013 16:16

creepy C'mon.

they shouldn't have to feel like you would choose going to see a stripper over your relationship with them! How would you feel if he did that to you? It's pretty warped thinking IMO.

Do you actually believe what you are saying? A woman should be perfectly happy for her husband to go and watch another woman dance naked for their sexual gratification? And if this is a no-go in their relationship (as it is is 99% of them) then she has 'warped thinking?'

Where do you draw the line? If he wants a striptease from Karen from accounts during his lunch break is that okay too? Why is it better because he is paying for it?

I can't actually believe what I'm reading here.

Me and DP have never had a 'is it okay if I go to a strip club and get a private dance?' conversation. Because it would never enter his head that that was something that he would do when he is in a relationship.

FFS.

TheGinLushMinion · 25/10/2013 16:19

He didn't find it enjoyable but forked out for a private dance, yeah right
Just to be sure-you are aware that's a fully naked dance aren't you?

creepypenisreaper · 25/10/2013 16:20

HotCrossPun err I think you misread my post. I was saying the opposite.... I was referring to ilovebabytv's post...

creepypenisreaper · 25/10/2013 16:22

She was saying if her DP made her choose between the male stripper on the hen night and their relationship, she would show him the door.

TheOffspring1983 · 25/10/2013 16:25

OP YANBU.

You said it was something you wouldn't like him to do. He chose to do it anyway even though he knew you would be upset.

I wouldn't ever like my DH to step foot in a strip club. He knows this. He wouldn't do it because he respects how I feel about it, and he wouldn't want to do so as he is in a loving relationship.

creepypenisreaper · 25/10/2013 16:29

WooWooOwl You did say that a private dance and a drink at the bar are two different things, didn't you?

AnyFuckerReporting · 25/10/2013 16:38

Hmm well it'd probably be a bit awkward for you to pay another man to get up close and personal with you so perhaps you should initiate a one night stand with somebody op? You know, just to see what it's like?

WooWooOwl · 25/10/2013 16:45

Yes, but in my experience having a drink at the bar does involve seeing some female nudity.

Backinthering · 25/10/2013 16:48

I hardly think it's controlling to expected your partner not to go to a strip club or have a private dance.
I expect my DH not to have sexual activity with other women. It was right there in our wedding vows, and we'd anyway agreed to sexual fidelity prior to that.
I'm afraid that the fact that it's paid-for sexual contact makes it worse not better.
Men don't have a god-given right to look at other naked women.

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AnyFuckerReporting · 25/10/2013 16:52

That's what I think about it too Back. In fact, I would go so far as to say that if my DH paid for a private dance in a strip club, then I would take it as carte blanche to go and get sexual with another man if I wanted to.

ilovebabytv · 25/10/2013 16:54

I would just see it as a form of control. Justifying it as respecting your partners feelings, where do you draw the line at respecting your partners feelings, what you wear, where you go, who you speak to, ultimately it would be asking a person to refrain from something that they do not have an issue with to keep their dp happy. And for what reasons, is it forcing your moral beliefs on others, or maybe insecurities in the relationship?

creepypenisreaper · 25/10/2013 16:54

WooWooOwl I know this, when I ordered my drinks at the bar I could see blokes getting lapdances in the erm, open lapdancing area (whatever its called). Seeing that and being gyrated on is completely different. But you have already said that.

I'd be annoyed if my DH purchased a private lap dance. Not because of the fact that he bought it but because I think it would say something about his feelings towards me if he wanted to get get off at another woman.

No one should have to feel that they can't go to a particular bar because their entire relationship is dependent on it either!

I'm confused. I'm pretty sure ilovebabytv wasn't talking about walking into a bar for a drink.

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