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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Petrol money, should we say anything?

122 replies

Reality · 23/10/2013 18:47

DH changed his hours at work just over a month ago. Before he did, he shared the journey with his brother who he works with, and we happily paid petrol money for this of £40 a month, which was supposed to be 50%.

However. DH has been driving to work for the past month and has only used £40 of petrol in total. His car is older and bigger than BIL's so is not more economical.

I've just been sorting out our spreadsheet for this month and realised DH has only filled the car once, that's why this has come to light. Basically he has been subsidising his brother's petrol costs for the past year.

TBH I had my suspicions because of my own petrol costs but DH was adamant it was fair.

Would you say anything? By my reckoning that's £240 we've paid out that we didn't need to. However, the other side of that is it woudl have cost us the same as it has if DH had driven to work for the past year.

I feel ripped off though, and it means we've had all the negatives of car sharing (DH being late when BIL's late, me having to pick DH up if they finish at different times) and none of the cost benefits.

So, wise AIBUers. AIBU to be fucking fucked off?

OP posts:
dontsufferfools · 23/10/2013 20:20

Sorry I have giving this far too much headspace.

When this idea was first mooted you didn't know his exact petrol costs ? You did a calculation and was suspicious. But didn't do or say anything.

Now the arrangement is no longer you do know his petrol costs through I presume, the same calculation?

Has your BIL changed his vehicle during this time that you know the costs now but didn't when they first started the arrangement? If you can work out the exact cost for your BIL now, why couldn't you then?

Man, I am confused.

talkingnonsense · 23/10/2013 20:27

You can't be expected to cover bills tax/ mot/ insurance as you have your own (2!) cars anyway- the share was supposed to save you both money, right?! And it has maybe saved you a bit of tyre/ brakes/ milage, but cost you on your car when you had to so an extra pick up. But if bil is generally a decent sort, put it down to him just halving his coats thoughtlessly. If he's a miser, start doing costly favours for him!

Original poster
Reality · 23/10/2013 20:27

I didn't then because I couldn't be bothered really.

DH had only just got the job working with his brother, it was all very exciting (big pay rise), his brother said, oh, great, we can split the petrol costs.

I did a Hmm face at £40 a month, DH said he'd ask him if that was right (I can't remember if he did or not, probably not), I set up a standing order and on we went with our lives.

It's only becuase I sat down and done a bit of number crunching this evening that it occured to me again, and I checked it, and I was a bit shocked that it seemed to be almost double what we 'should' have paid. I am not at all penny pinching and even if I'd realised it then I doubt we'd have said anything, DH woudl have just taken his own car though.

It's not a big deal, really, I was just idly pondering whether to be massively fucked off or not. I'm generally very easy come easy go with money, thi sis only in my headspace because it's right in front of me, so to speak.

OP posts:
ILetHimKeep20Quid · 23/10/2013 20:32

Why have the expense of two cars if you both barely use them?

dontsufferfools · 23/10/2013 20:34

If you couldn't be bothered to deal with it when you could have actually changed it, then I wouldn't give it any more head space now.

Lesson learnt and all that.

Original poster
Reality · 23/10/2013 20:46

I use mine every day. When I was childminding I needed it for the school runs etc.

Now I have a nice new small car I use to get to and from work.

Dhs car was a freebie from his mum and barely used until last month, though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Reality · 23/10/2013 20:46

I agree with lesson learned though. Ho hum.

OP posts:
whatever5 · 23/10/2013 21:11

It would be fairer to use the actual car running costs per mile rather than just the petrol costs. The link below should help:

www.theaa.com/motoring_advice/running_costs/

HumphreyCobbler · 23/10/2013 21:18

i would be pissed off about this

it is a shit way to treat anyone, let alone a member of your family

BellaVita · 23/10/2013 21:23

He has played you and I would be fuming in your shoes.

Floggingmolly · 23/10/2013 21:47

Wear and tear? Unless op's dh is a sumo wrestler the amount of extra wear & tear caused by one extra passenger on a 10 minute journey every day is somewhere between ridiculously small and non existent.
You've been had, op. I'd have to let him know I'd rumbled him.

SHRIIIEEEKPoolingBearBlood · 23/10/2013 21:52

I drive about 6 miles to work actually. And I put in about £60 a month - that's all journeys, not just work.

Twoandtwomakeschaos · 23/10/2013 23:00

I don't think you'll see the money again; I think he knew what he was doing and did it deliberately; I think you ought to say something but understand you might not want to as he's family: perhaps your DH should ; I think you've learned a hard lesson mostly due to your DH blithely accepting what your BiL said. YANBU and I would be v. v. annoyed, too!

AnandaTimeIn · 23/10/2013 23:01

we have never paid for servicing (other BIL is a mechanic), our car was a freebie and is worth about tuppence

Not sure if you live in the real world actually.....

BIL is a free mechanic and cars cost tuppence Grin

Retroformica · 23/10/2013 23:10

I think you live and learn. You should have said something sooner. It's too late now.

Retroformica · 23/10/2013 23:11

You can work out BIL's milage costs online if you want

WMittens · 23/10/2013 23:32

Floggingmolly

Wear and tear? Unless op's dh is a sumo wrestler the amount of extra wear & tear caused by one extra passenger on a 10 minute journey every day is somewhere between ridiculously small and non existent.

It's not about the extra wear and tear caused by the extra passenger, it's the extra in running a car.

Brother-in-law's car is undergoing x miles wear and tear every day.
Husband's car is avoiding x miles wear and tear every day.

Costs include:
Petrol - fairly obvious
Tyres
Brakes
Servicing - a replacement clutch might be at, say, 100K miles at £1000 - so every mile is 1p towards a new clutch; cam belts at 80K or 90K, etc. etc.
Depreciation - depends on car and age, but greater mileage->lower value when selling/trading in.

Insurance - listed separately because if accurately declared will represent a greater cost for BiL, lower cost for OP's husband, but not guaranteed or really measurable.

MOT, Tax - immaterial.

Where the HMRC reimbursement rate is quoted, it should be noted that an extra 5p is allowed per passenger (up to two) per mile on top of the standard 45p.

redbinneo · 23/10/2013 23:48

DH could always have walked or cycled.Less than £10 a week to get to work seems pretty reasonable to me.

Original poster
Reality · 24/10/2013 06:51

Wmittens, none of those costs apply because BIL has to drive to work anyway.

Dhs car hasn't cost us a penny other than tax and mot, it was given to us when dhs dad gave up driving (and it was offered to BIL first and he said no thanks), dh would have happily driven it to work but BIL said, no need, I'm driving there anyway so let's just split the petrol costs.

I do pay for servicing etc on my car because it's newer. But my other lovely bil sorts out any repairs and servicing on the other family cars and he wouldn't have it any other way.

DH says he reckons bil just halved his monthly petrol cost in total, not taking into account weekends. He says, ah well, at least it's done with now.
He is v valid back and I am going to take his lead.

OP posts:
Original poster
Reality · 24/10/2013 06:52

Laid back not valid...

OP posts:
meganorks · 24/10/2013 07:16

While I would be pissed off given the planning to save money, I don't think I would both saying anything. The time to say something was when you were agreeing what to pay. If it was double what you should gave paid surely you would notice at the time given how stringent you are being now.
If you say something what do you expect to happen?:
'We've just realised we haven't been paying half your petrol costs, we've been paying all of them'
'My my, so you have. Silly me! Here's £240'
Because you know that isn't going to happen and all you will gain is a massive argument and a load of bad feeling. I would just avoid helping him out with any other favours but try and get some out of him. Got any big diy projects your dh can rope him into?

KirjavaTheCorpse · 24/10/2013 07:44

Yanbu. DP was in the same situation with his friend when he was carpooling, except he suspected he was paying far beyond the petrol costs for commuting. He was paying his friend £15 a week for a similar journey as the one you described. Friend had someone else in the car who paid a mere £5 a week Hmm

Needed to be done though, he'd have taken the train and it would have worked out to be the same price so no savings made, if it weren't for his awkward shift patterns and needing to get home in the early AM. Some people will just take the piss.

shewhowines · 24/10/2013 07:45

yANBU it's the principle. Your bil has knowingly ripped your DH off. That's not a nice character trait and I'd feel hurt on behalf of DH. The actual money is beside the point. It's the sentiment behind it.

whatever5 · 24/10/2013 08:02

Wmittens, none of those costs apply because BIL has to drive to work anyway.

If the petrol costs apply despite the fact that he would be going there anyway, why don't the "wear and tear" costs apply? The more miles his car does, the less it is worth.

comingintomyown · 24/10/2013 08:09

YANBU to be annoyed especially as you suspected from the outset that £40 was too much.

However you did go along with it and as its after the fact now theres no point bringing it up as you will look tight, wrong but true.

I would just keep it in mind for future dealings with BIL