Wtaf MIL?

[chattychattyboomba]

This is my first post in AIBU so please be kind....I am just completely flabbergasted!
We recently found out we are expecting number 2, and as it's early days, we decided to tell select close friends and family first (parents, siblings, and our 2 best friends- oh and mn! Lol) We went for an early scan on Monday and was happy to see a strong heartbeat, and find out our due date (31st May...making me just over 8 weeks pregnant). We have not in any way made an official announcement yet which those we told are fully aware of as we asked them to keep it quiet. I sent the scan picture, with the weeks gestation etc to my mum and my mother in law on Monday night. My mum wrote back an excited email.....my MIL wrote nothing...I thought, she's moving house...she'll say something when she gets around to it. But no....today I get an email from MIL's FRIEND....saying congratulations. WTAF? I wrote to MIL saying that I understand she was excited to tell her friend, but as i didn't even get a reply, I wasn't sure she even received the email, and also as it is a personal situation, and she is aware we have not made an announcement yet,I was surprised she had told her friend. I had to do some damage control as this friend is on FB and i could see our surprise being completely hijacked. AIBU to feel it was inappropriate for MIL to announce our news to her friend we hardly know and to receive an email from HER FRIEND saying congratulations.....when she didn't even acknowledge receipt of the news?? Pregnancy hormones all over the place and feeling rather fragile. Pease don't be mean.

I think people are being hard on the OP.

Bare bones: she told a few 'trusted' people about the pregnancy and asked them to keep it to themselves. She found out from someone else, essentially a stranger, that that stranger had been told by one of the 'trusted' people.

'Trusted' person had ignored the request and passed on the news.

It's a side issue that the 'trusted' person herself hadn't bothered to send any congrats.

YANBU, OP. And congratulations!

...perhaps no one cared in their case? But that's not so for mine.

Well that's what I've been assuming about your MiL all along, so I say again, cut her some slack and try and see that she meant well. Thassorl!

Becccaaaaaaavread my post about perspective and loving her and etc etc....I have...it's done. She is officially off my black list lol

I have read it. And I have just re-read it but the relevant bit still eludes me. But well done anyway.

It's not about 'meaning well'

how can someone do something they were expressly told not to do and it be passed off as 'meaning well'?

We only told a few people early on with my 4th and 5th pg. Everyone else found out at 17 weeks with the 4th and 22 weeks with my 5th even my mum didnt know.

I cant see a problem with those who are close to you keeping a secret when asked. Ive managed to keep a few secrets in my time. Its really not that difficult.

I don't YABU to expect close family to keep a pregnancy quiet, if you ask them to. I would be peeved as well.
Just a funny story, I had planned to go to a spa with DS and DSil and was booking the treatments. Both of them told me separately that they were pregnant and as such couldn't have the treatments that we had planned but "please, don't tell anyone else", it was hilarious trying to keep both of their secrets I was really impressed that I never slipped up!

Oh dear. I would not involve mil an further in my pregnancy and totally limit contact with her. She has treated you with no respect and is not worthy of your time.

I would not involve mil an further in my pregnancy and totally limit contact with her. She has treated you with no respect and is not worthy of your time.

Seriously? She's committed a faux pas, for sure, but only out of excitement. You really think that deserves the cold shoulder?

Seriously? She's committed a faux pas, for sure, but only out of excitement. You really think that deserves the cold shoulder?

That's totally what I thought at first Cinnabar but I have a feeling that Property might be being a little satirical!

Speaking as a grandparent, I would say it's rather mean to tell the granny-to-be and then not let her share the news. I've been in that position 3 times now and it is very very difficult not to let it slip, especially if you are told at 6 weeks and expected to keep it quiet till 14 weeks!
Much better for you to wait until you want to announce it to everyone before telling anyone.

It was different "in my day" as we couldn't get a reliable test till at least 8 weeks and I was happy to tell the world straight away. Funnily enough, I don't recall anyone keeping pregnancy secret back then but it seems the norm to do so now.

YANBU

of course she shouldn't have told anybody, I'm surprised so many people think it's ok to break a confidence like that. At least you know now she can't be trusted

And congrats on your pregnancy, I hope the HG eases up soon

yanbu, and even if you didnt tell her not to say anything. It is polite to keep it to yourself until the parents have tld anyone. And if you are really excited, you write back and say congrats!

It really doesnt matter if the MIL trusted that other person.. Because the OP did not want that other person knowing her news. She only wanted certain people to know. It is her medical information.

And if she had chosen not to tell MIl you can she would have been back here in 3 months time with MIl chewing her ear off for not telling her first like so many other threads when the Op chose to keep it secret until they revealed to everybody

especially if you are told at 6 weeks and expected to keep it quiet till 14 weeks

80smum

Maybe you were told so you could be support in case of the worst? And to help your children at this point? Maybe they might want you to know but not have to explain to hundreds of people that "Oh thanks for asking, but we lost it actually". That's why people generally don't tell everyone.