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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Yes, I am overweight, but do I need telling?

123 replies

needtoloseafewpounds · 21/10/2013 22:37

Have NC. I have been mulling this over for a while now and wonder if this is reasonable more than unreasonable IYSWIM.

FWB came over this evening. I was not expecting him until later, so when he arrived, I had my big fluffy dressing gown and fleecy onesie on.
Almost immediately, he began commenting on my weight. He does mention it regularly, but this evening, he actually said;

Are you pregnant? Because you look like you're 3 months gone. You could easily lose that weight if you tried. You eat too much chocolate. You seriously need to sort your weight out, it's only puppy fat.

Puppy fat???? I'm in my fucking 40's!!

I told him he was extremely fucking rude, and jabbered on in defence of my wobbly bits, citing 2 DC, busy lifestyle blah blah blah, but actually, I was shocked that he thought it was appropriate to mention my weight and failed to see why I was annoyed.

He actually said Why are you upset? How long have we known each other? I'm not saying you are fat, I'm just saying, for your own good, you really need to lose weight. You wouldn't suffer with aches and pains as much if you lost weight.

He knew he had overstepped the mark, because he tried to defend himself by saying he was just being a friend, telling me what I needed to hear, and that after knowing each other for as long as we have, we should both feel able to pass comment on stuff which we feel affects the other persons health.

We did not DTD and he has gone, but I am still confused.

Is it ok to mention someone's weight when you have known them a long time and you think they would benefit from losing some weight? If it is ok, why the actual fuck do I feel like shit, and quite angry?

OP posts:

Darkesteyes · 21/10/2013 23:55

And to interrogate your DCs What message has he given them by doing this.
Hes an emotionally abusive fuckwit

Darkesteyes · 21/10/2013 23:56

YY Worra i concede I usually stay off the celeb culture crap makes my teeth itch.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 21/10/2013 23:56

When he texts you - simply say 'I've taken your advice - I've lost 13 stone & I don't want it back. Bye'

He's a nasty little prick. No one has the right to talk to you the way he did and say the things he said.

You need to sort your eating out - you will gain weight eating the way you are eating. Read Briffa - Escape the diet trap. You owe it to your kids to be as healthy as you can be

Darkesteyes · 21/10/2013 23:59

I still think men are the worst critics though And before we get on to womens mags.....most of them are owned by men.

Topseyt · 22/10/2013 00:00

I wouldn't let anyone into my house who was going to go through my food cupboards, criticise me and then humiliate me by cross-examining my children to check out what I had said.

I cannot stand any form of the food police anyway, and your "friend" is beginning to sound rather a control freak and a bully, if I am honest.

Darkesteyes · 22/10/2013 00:01

OP chipping is bang on Ive excsersised every day for 2 months. And am back at SW but am doing it to be healthy
I would never do it to be a pleasing aesthetic for someone else.

timidviper · 22/10/2013 00:03

I think he is rude and taking you for granted. From your posts it seems that he makes you feel quite insecure with his questioning and criticism so you would probably be better off without him.

No mother should EVER have to justify her jelly belly!

scallopsrgreat · 22/10/2013 00:13

Just be grateful for small mercies. He's an arsehole FWB and not someone you are married to .

Can you imagine having to put up with that level of controlling and criticism every fucking day. Liking the replies to any texts he may send though

holidaysarenice · 22/10/2013 00:36

Question is, how overweight is he?

ToomuchIsBackOnBootcamp · 22/10/2013 00:53

He checked with your kids?? Really??! That would be it for me. Tell the control freak to fuck the fuck off.

Don't miss meals. Your metabolism will just slow down so much that when you do eat, it won't process correctly and you will end up gaining weight. I agree with Crabby eat sensibly, healthily, to support your body. I'm a low carber and love it, but it's horses for courses, find what works for you. And get a new FWB, he is neither a friend nor a benefit!!

MrTumblesKnickers · 22/10/2013 01:02

"How can you bear to have sex with him?"

^^ this. How on earth can you get turned on by someone who pokes your belly and interrogates you on your eating habits? He sounds revolting.

Sinful1 · 22/10/2013 02:41

For the person who asked would he do the same for a male friend yeah that happens all the time except it's not in a "I think you should lose weight for your health" way it's a "oi put the pie down you fat bastard" way

Sometimes I think people need or pointing out to them, as the person experiencing it it's a gradual change and not as clearly noticed. It will improve your health to lose weight though but it's just the same as smoking it's your choice no one elses.
But do think that if you ever tell a friend they should quit smoking/drinking/other harmful activity it's the same as th telling you to lose weight

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 22/10/2013 03:02

I can't believe you let this twat put his cock in you. Where is your self-esteem?

You don't have to explain yourself to anyone. If you feel you want to lose weight for yourself then of course you must do it.
Simply Be jeans are huge btw, I wouldn't use those as a marker, sorry.

He doesn't even sound like a good friend. It sounds like he gets a kick out of feeling superior to you and making you feel crap about yourself.
You do not need him in your life.

Oblomov · 22/10/2013 03:25

He's right. But he's also a twat, for how he said it.

Jengnr · 22/10/2013 07:24

He's a wanker.

And asking your children because he didn't believe you? A) Who the fuck does he think he is? And B) Sneaky way to put the idea in your kids' heads.

He's not a friend. Find yourself a new boning partner, one who actually likes you and doesn't make you feel shit.

And in the meantime may I suggest a couple of boys who'll give you a right good old time and only bring you happiness? Their names are Ben and Jerry.

MalcolmTuckersMistress · 22/10/2013 07:37

He's a self righteous, and quite possibly a controlling little wanker...yet you actually LET him have sex with you? I think you need to ditch him for your own good because he's clearly not deserving of your friendship. If you felt the need to lose weight you could easily do it...so why not apply that determination to getting rid of this twat instead?

DevilsRoulette · 22/10/2013 07:46

and you still allow him access to your benefits?

i bet hes more concerned that his 'receptacle' isnt looking like a porn star than any genuine concern for you as a person.

UnexpectedFrightInShaggingArea · 22/10/2013 07:47

He sounds truly horrible, bin the F bit, never mind the Bs.

And what others said up thread, if you are happy with your weight that's what matters, not what other people think.

MadAsFish · 22/10/2013 07:47

WTAF - he went through your cupboards, then interrogated your children???

Out. The. Door.

Original poster

needtoloseafewpounds · 22/10/2013 08:21

Thanks for all if your advice.

I don't mind if people mention my weight, although strangely, no one else does. I think if I asked a friend's opinion on anything regarding my weight, I would be fine with it, it's the way he just bloody goes on about it so much and I never ever ask. I spend a lot of time holding my stomach in or waiting for him to mention it, usually both. It has made me very self conscious when I'm with him, yet in day to day life, no one even looks.
He is not in fantastic shape himself, he is a bit overweight and has a belly going on, not a huge one but it's noticeable.
Of course, I don't mention it and can't say it has ever bothered me.
I think devilsroulette is spot on.

OP posts:

CoteDAzur · 22/10/2013 08:37

Well, most people need a wake up call to lose weight. Let this be yours. Lose the weight now, for yourself.

After you ditch this man.

Morloth · 22/10/2013 09:07

I thought the point of a FWB was that you got the good bits without the boring/bad bits?

Why bother with him if he is making you feel bad.

The whole idea of the arrangement is that you don't owe each other anything.

Dawndonnaagain · 22/10/2013 09:15

I can't believe the amount of people who have come on here and told the OP to lose weight, someone they have never seen, just based on a loose description.

OP, yep, get rid, how dare he go through your cupboards in an effort to prove himself to be in the right, you really would be better off without him.

LaurieFairyCake · 22/10/2013 09:24

Oh gosh, how could you keep your hands off him

A guy coming round for a shag is really not going to get any if he starts calling you a chubby chocolate chaser the minute he arrives.

He doesn't sound very gentlemanly.

At least you didn't shag him.

I'd find a man more likely to appreciate you if I were you.

harticus · 22/10/2013 09:40

Why do some men think they are entitled to speak to women this way?
He is rude and unkind - why would you want him in your life?

Find someone nice to have a relationship with - someone who makes you feel happy and good about yourself otherwise what the fuck is the point?

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