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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Yes, I am overweight, but do I need telling?

123 replies

needtoloseafewpounds · 21/10/2013 22:37

Have NC. I have been mulling this over for a while now and wonder if this is reasonable more than unreasonable IYSWIM.

FWB came over this evening. I was not expecting him until later, so when he arrived, I had my big fluffy dressing gown and fleecy onesie on.
Almost immediately, he began commenting on my weight. He does mention it regularly, but this evening, he actually said;

Are you pregnant? Because you look like you're 3 months gone. You could easily lose that weight if you tried. You eat too much chocolate. You seriously need to sort your weight out, it's only puppy fat.

Puppy fat???? I'm in my fucking 40's!!

I told him he was extremely fucking rude, and jabbered on in defence of my wobbly bits, citing 2 DC, busy lifestyle blah blah blah, but actually, I was shocked that he thought it was appropriate to mention my weight and failed to see why I was annoyed.

He actually said Why are you upset? How long have we known each other? I'm not saying you are fat, I'm just saying, for your own good, you really need to lose weight. You wouldn't suffer with aches and pains as much if you lost weight.

He knew he had overstepped the mark, because he tried to defend himself by saying he was just being a friend, telling me what I needed to hear, and that after knowing each other for as long as we have, we should both feel able to pass comment on stuff which we feel affects the other persons health.

We did not DTD and he has gone, but I am still confused.

Is it ok to mention someone's weight when you have known them a long time and you think they would benefit from losing some weight? If it is ok, why the actual fuck do I feel like shit, and quite angry?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 21/10/2013 23:13

What a fucking arsehole And then ppl say "oh but its women pressuring each other" BULLSHIT is it as this fucker has proven so fuckin beautifully

One male wanker doesn't prove that it isn't nearly always women putting the pressure on, to be fair.

Darkesteyes · 21/10/2013 23:14

Minx im on SW I lost ten stone the first time and only ONE cup size off my boobs. Went from a 28 to a 12/14

Am back at SW when i hit a size 20 and have lost 10 and a half pounds and almost a dress size.
Was hoping to find a FWB of my own but i dont think i will bother if THIS is whats out there And a DOCTOR has told me that the only thing that will put the loose skin on my stomach right is surgery.
If he had spoken to me like that HE would have trouble eating right now cos he would have left minus his teeth Fucking mysogynistic twonk.

Darkesteyes · 21/10/2013 23:14

Worra Google Return of Kings.

Original poster
needtoloseafewpounds · 21/10/2013 23:21

I know I am overweight, but I object to being told to lose weight at least once a month, and I object to being told I gorge on chocolate, sweets, pasta, white bread, because why else do I look like I am 3 months pregnant if I didn't?

It makes me feel uncomfortable that he went through my cupboards and laughed when he saw my pot of jam, some chocolate biscuits, and my mints because obviously that's what I do all day, cram chocolate biscuits and white bread smeared in jam all day into my mouth??

I did explain that the chocolate biscuits are those fun shaped teddy biscuits and are the DC's, and I have the jam for the DC's toast if they want jam, but he had to ask my DC's because he didn't believe me. Yes, I admit that the mints are mine, but according to him, I don't need that many mints in the cupboard.

I should probably be eating more really. I don't eat enough. I know that's not healthy, but I really don't have time and cannot face food first thing in the morning.
I eat one meal a day, but clearly that is too much. Sad

Why should I have to explain what I eat to him? I was feeling ok about myself before he started poking holes in me.

OP posts:
iliketea · 21/10/2013 23:22

YANBU. - in fact, the majority of people who are overweight (myself included) know that they are.

Do people still believe that telling someone "with love / concern / from the right place" thaf they are overweight truly helps the situation?

What a cheek of him - come round for sex then tell you that you should lose weight - that's one hell of a mood killer...

WorraLiberty · 21/10/2013 23:24

Worra Google Return of Kings.

Darkest just read Mumsnet Wink

Especially when there's a thread about a celeb. The 'skinny' shaming and criticism from what other women wear, to what make-up they choose can be stomach churning and so nasty.

Yes, mean criticise women but from what I see and hear most days, I still think women are definitely each other's worst critics.

WorraLiberty · 21/10/2013 23:24

*men

Original poster
needtoloseafewpounds · 21/10/2013 23:26

He pokes my stomach when he makes comments usually, whilst saying You could get rid of that really easily if you tried. It's only puppy fat.

It's the only part of me that he looks visibly shocked to see. When I have sucked in my stomach, those are the times he doesn't mention my weight.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 21/10/2013 23:27

That's a bit of a drip feed about him going through your cupboards

He sounds like an odious little twat and you don't owe him any explanations OP.

HumpdaySelfie · 21/10/2013 23:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
needtoloseafewpounds · 21/10/2013 23:32

To be fair, he was laughing about it, and knew he had pissed me off by then so I think he was trying to make his point, and thought if he could get me to agree, I would see it from his POV and realise he was only doing it for my benefit.

I told him he has made me feel guilty about eating in front of him now, and that still stands.
I haven't eaten since he came round, and he came before dinner time, which is when I usually eat. Mind you, I'm not hungry, so perhaps my body doesn't even need one meal a day. Maybe I should cut down to one meal every 2 or 3 days.

OP posts:
HumpdaySelfie · 21/10/2013 23:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
needtoloseafewpounds · 21/10/2013 23:34

I was also hurt because I honestly think I have lost weight, yet he says I am bigger than ever in my fluffy dressing gown.

OP posts:
Original poster
needtoloseafewpounds · 21/10/2013 23:35

Thank you HumpdaySelfie. I actually laughed out loud reading that. Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
needtoloseafewpounds · 21/10/2013 23:37

I think I did complain that my back was hurting as he walked in the door. Blush

OP posts:
Bigbrassband · 21/10/2013 23:38

How can you bear to have sex with him?

You can find a better FWB, rather than someone who's criticising you with their eyes every time you get naked, how can you possibly enjoy yourself under such scrutiny?

WorraLiberty · 21/10/2013 23:41

Mind you, I'm not hungry, so perhaps my body doesn't even need one meal a day. Maybe I should cut down to one meal every 2 or 3 days.

That's silly ^^ and you know it.

Really you need to dump him.

If you are unhappy with your weight then see if you can do anything about it.

But it has to come from you and not this little twat.

HumpdaySelfie · 21/10/2013 23:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Darkesteyes · 21/10/2013 23:48

"he had to ask my DCs cos he didnt believe me"

He interrogated your DCs That smacks of controlling behaviour to me.

Worra i dont criticise other women I suggest you go on the Relationships board and find the thread "Why does she call me fat" My posts on that thread make it clear what i think of an old college acquaintance that does the sort of thing you mentioned.
OP you could repost on the Feminism board. I never judge somone for the way they look...man or woman And i expect the same courtesy in return

Original poster
needtoloseafewpounds · 21/10/2013 23:48

I think I have lost a whopping 13 stone tonight, and it wasn't because I didn't eat dinner. Grin

Now my only dilemma is whether to inform him of my dramatic weight loss or to just remain silent and slink quietly away.

OP posts:
Darkesteyes · 21/10/2013 23:50

need my back hurts Why? Because ive lost off my back but not my boobs so my back is smaller but supporting the same size boobs.

Darkesteyes · 21/10/2013 23:53

Tell him to shove his faux concern up his arse.

goodasitgets · 21/10/2013 23:54

He shouldn't have even said anything. I've had the same FWB for um, 13 years Blush
So he's known me from a slim 16yo via various body changes etc etc
Do you know what he's said about it? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Except compliments on my clothes and body
Get rid. Life is too short

WorraLiberty · 21/10/2013 23:55

Darkesteyes I haven't even insinuated that you criticise women Confused

I said that I believe other women are women's worst critics and that you only have to read the celeb bashing threads on MN, to plainly see that.

But we're going OT here