regarding MIL and DS's party

[catgirl1976]

MIL is a massive PITA in general. Total narcissist PITA. I could fill a whole board with tales of her shennanigans. However.........

DS is going to be 2 in a few weeks time. A big deal for me, he is my only PFB and this is the first birthday he will be really interactive IYSWIM. We are having a party for him at my DPs. Buffet, bouncy castle, music etc.

MIL lives 300 miles away and has only been to see DS once.

I asked her if she would like to come up for his birthday (more fool me but a) she is is GM and b) thought it might get me out of any Xmas obligations to go down to her.

She would love to.

She then decided she would come up on the train. The mainline station is a good 45 minutes drive away from my DP's so 1.5 hours round trip to get and get her.

Then she decided she would stay in a B&B in a near by town, rather than "put anybody out". Fair enough, but the 1.5 hour round trip now incorporates going to this town, getting her checked etc. So lets call it minimum 2 hours.

Then she decides, instead of coming up on the Friday, she will come up on the Saturday. On DS's actual birthday. I was not happy as obviously we will be doing things with him, getting ready for the party and enjoying the day so a 2 hour hole in that was annoying.

I told her the party was starting at half past two so she needed to be at the station for around 11am ideally.

She has texted me today to say she has got her tickets. ARRIVING AT 13:50.

So, DH will have to go and pick her up and miss DS's entire party? I don't fecking think so.

I am just so angry. I am certain it is deliberate.

I don't know whether to

a)change his party to the Sunday to accomodate her or

b) tell her to change her effing tickets or

c) tell her "That's fine but we won't be able to pick you up from XX at that time and you will have to get 2 connecting trains to where my parents live. Oh. And you will probably miss his party."

I am sorry that's long. I just want to scream

Would he want to come on here himself?

I had to comment (for a change) just to say your dh is an absolute star! Well done to both of you for standing your ground, your MIL sounds like a cowbag.

Right - he's hanging up (or trying too) - I'm going to give him a bloody big hug and tell him if he wants a cheer to get himself on MN

I shall update further as things progress

We would all of course love you to be here on DS's special day but understand if you are not able to be here.
That doesn,t work for us....
No (it's a complete sentence)

Your poor DH. It isn't hard to just book the right tickets in the first place

for poor Mr Cat.

Well done Mr Catgirl.

I felt like shit when I had to do this with my DM but once she got them message that I wouldn't be bullied into letting her rule our lives she changed her tune and our relationship is now all the better for it.

This will be hard for a while but should make it much easier for you all to spend pleasant time together in the future when she's not chasing bishops round villages in Africa.

Fgs. 'You don't want me there' - well, if you get this train that you've actually booked, you won't be there because you'll miss it!

Plus how can a train to the north of England be very hard, very expensive etc to someone who's travelled alone on another continent? It makes no sense.

Do tell your DH he's done the right thing in difficult circumstances.

Nothing exciting to post, just marking place to join the BSMIL club.

We'll done Mr Catgirl.

She's just barking, well done Mr Cat.

Definitely stand your ground. My grandmother was like this. She did it every bloody christmas ruining it for us, we picked her up every christmas eve and there was always a hoo ha. My poor mum put up with it for 23 years, until she died. Wished she had just sais come if you want to but don't if you don't.

Ah, poor Mr Cat but agree with BooHissy that if she ends up not coming, that is her choice. If necessary, let her be the martyr this time and hope she behaves more reasonably next time

Your dh sounds like a complete star. Well done for sticking up for yourselves.

Your DH is a legend

TAXI! They're always at stations.

well done mr Cat

Manly back-slap to MrCat.

You know you can tell what sort of person the MIL is just from this detail: "I will be out till after 5 so phone me then". No, if it is not convenient for you to talk now, then you call back later, not ask the other person to call again at your convenience. This is the kind of detail that sticks out a mile for me these days and brings out very petty behaviour in me (like even if the message was not, as it is in this case, "phone me later even though I have all the info I need so I can manipulate you" - even if there was actually a genuine need to discuss something - I would text something like "hope you are having a lovely day / good meeting / whatever the thing is, understand you can't talk now, happy for you to call whenever you are free, I am home after ypm")

Rooting for Mr cat.

Well done OP DH.

I hope you told how stupid she sounds when she manage to cross Africa by herself, but is incapable of getting a train to where you live.

Tell her to stop off in Wigan on the way and pick up some Uncle Joe's Mint Balls from the Santus toffee factory for your long-suffering DH.

Oh don't bring her to Wigan! I live near the factory I don't want to see her ha.

I lived there when I was little - the Hollies then Woodfield Infants & Juniors. I remember Copper Toe in Mesnes Park. As well as the Mint Balls (which you can now get in north London) I liked the lollies with the nursery rhyme pictures on the wrappers.

I am agog at the idea that she is shocked that it is all about your ds party!

Your DH is a star.

I also now really want some Uncle Joe's mintballs. We can't get them up here.

Order online: www.uncle-joes.com/