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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

regarding MIL and DS's party

374 replies

catgirl1976 · 18/10/2013 14:35

MIL is a massive PITA in general. Total narcissist PITA. I could fill a whole board with tales of her shennanigans. However.........

DS is going to be 2 in a few weeks time. A big deal for me, he is my only PFB and this is the first birthday he will be really interactive IYSWIM. We are having a party for him at my DPs. Buffet, bouncy castle, music etc.

MIL lives 300 miles away and has only been to see DS once.

I asked her if she would like to come up for his birthday (more fool me but a) she is is GM and b) thought it might get me out of any Xmas obligations to go down to her.

She would love to.

She then decided she would come up on the train. The mainline station is a good 45 minutes drive away from my DP's so 1.5 hours round trip to get and get her.

Then she decided she would stay in a B&B in a near by town, rather than "put anybody out". Fair enough, but the 1.5 hour round trip now incorporates going to this town, getting her checked etc. So lets call it minimum 2 hours.

Then she decides, instead of coming up on the Friday, she will come up on the Saturday. On DS's actual birthday. I was not happy as obviously we will be doing things with him, getting ready for the party and enjoying the day so a 2 hour hole in that was annoying.

I told her the party was starting at half past two so she needed to be at the station for around 11am ideally.

She has texted me today to say she has got her tickets. ARRIVING AT 13:50.

So, DH will have to go and pick her up and miss DS's entire party? I don't fecking think so.

I am just so angry. I am certain it is deliberate.

I don't know whether to

a)change his party to the Sunday to accomodate her or

b) tell her to change her effing tickets or

c) tell her "That's fine but we won't be able to pick you up from XX at that time and you will have to get 2 connecting trains to where my parents live. Oh. And you will probably miss his party."

I am sorry that's long. I just want to scream

OP posts:
BanjoPlayingTiger · 20/10/2013 22:15

Ooooh! Early birthday present to myself coming up! Result Grin

MammaTJ · 20/10/2013 22:20

MrCat is awesome!

That is all!

FunnyRunner · 20/10/2013 22:29

I do feel sad for your DH. People like this are horrible :( As for classic narc lines, 'You're making DS's party all about DS's party!' has to be up there with the best of them Hmm

sicutlilium · 20/10/2013 22:31

Banjo wash them down with hot Vimto.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 20/10/2013 22:34

Poor Mr. Cat

He was also heroic and rock-like on the phone to MIL

Then later, after a Wine or two he has turned to me and said

"I just wanted it to be nice for DS. For him to meet his granny now he understands a bit more. Your family are great and so involved with him and I love that, but I wanted him to know there is another part of his family on my side. But there isn't"

:(:(:(

OP posts:
Original poster
catgirl1976 · 20/10/2013 22:34

Have told him that I, DS and the whole of MN think he is a legend though.

OP posts:
Goldmandra · 20/10/2013 22:36

Oh that's really sad.

I want to give him a big hug now.

Your DS is lucky to have such lovely parents. He doesn't need someone in his life who will behave like this but I hope the African bishop appreciates her.

Goldmandra · 20/10/2013 22:37

Have told him that I, DS and the whole of MN think he is a legend though.

Too right! Grin

Chippednailvarnish · 20/10/2013 22:37

I think if Granny Cat visits, Mr Cat should get Mr Exorcist to give Granny Cat a taste of her own medicine...

itsmeisntit · 20/10/2013 22:41

Mr Cat has been like a lion today protecting his family. Boy did he roar Grin

You are a very lucky lady Catgirl

CoconutRing · 20/10/2013 22:42

I think it's really sad that MIL has only seen your DS once in two years.

Kudos to your DH. Legend.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 20/10/2013 22:53

She's seen him 3 times as we have been down there twice but it is still not enough

In the 16 years he has been up North, she has been here 3 times and his brother and sister have never managed it. His dad walked out when he was 7 and he never saw or heard from him again.

The last time we went down MIL and BIL had a huge screaming match which me and SIL removed the children from. BIL hasn't spoken to MIL since and eloped to get married to save having her at a wedding

It's all very sad.

OP posts:
Mymumsfurcoat · 20/10/2013 22:57

Some families are rubbish, Catgirl. But yours sounds lovely, and I'm sure Mr Catgirl feels he's landed on his feet. All you can do is make what you have as strong as what he came from was weak. But it's rubbish for him.

CoconutRing · 20/10/2013 23:02

I misunderstood - sorry.

everybodysang · 20/10/2013 23:10

Ah your poor DH. So glad you have a nice family to welcome him and be there for your DS though. My family are crap but DHs is brilliant and it makes a big difference to my life.

TinTinsSexySister · 20/10/2013 23:39

Mr Cat is my hero! That must have been so hard for him but bloody hell he managed it.

Legend.

Retroformica · 21/10/2013 00:16

If she does come and goes on on about how hard it's been travelling tell her 'oh yes must have been hard but at least you are here now and then change the subject totally.

ZillionChocolate · 21/10/2013 08:44

Not as hard as three months in Africa, surely?

You will never make her happy and you will never argue her into reason, so don't try. Well done Mr Catgirl for being firm.

dawntigga · 21/10/2013 09:05

Honestly OP, if my mother was alive she'd but JUST like this, it's much easier that she isn't.

Mr Cat is brilliant and so are you!

HadHerCrematedJustInCaseTiggaxx

BaronessBomburst · 21/10/2013 10:01

Tigga That is your best sign off yet! Grin

MrsCakesPremonition · 21/10/2013 10:01

tigga - I just snorted vary unattractively at your sign-off. Grin.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 21/10/2013 10:20

Tigga Grin Grin Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
catgirl1976 · 21/10/2013 13:09

Hmm. Have had 3 missed calls from DH's sister.......

OP posts:
Goldmandra · 21/10/2013 13:15

I did wonder what your MIL would do next. They generally don't fall at the first hurdle.

Are you going to return the call?

MysteriousHamster · 21/10/2013 13:20

The thing is, yes the whole day will revolve around your DS's party, because it's his birthday and she's coming for the party!

I'd go mad trying to reason with her.

I think they will try and guilt you into accommodating her, but it's so silly when she could easily fix it herself.

Do try to stay strong (and DH) and resist.

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