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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

regarding MIL and DS's party

374 replies

catgirl1976 · 18/10/2013 14:35

MIL is a massive PITA in general. Total narcissist PITA. I could fill a whole board with tales of her shennanigans. However.........

DS is going to be 2 in a few weeks time. A big deal for me, he is my only PFB and this is the first birthday he will be really interactive IYSWIM. We are having a party for him at my DPs. Buffet, bouncy castle, music etc.

MIL lives 300 miles away and has only been to see DS once.

I asked her if she would like to come up for his birthday (more fool me but a) she is is GM and b) thought it might get me out of any Xmas obligations to go down to her.

She would love to.

She then decided she would come up on the train. The mainline station is a good 45 minutes drive away from my DP's so 1.5 hours round trip to get and get her.

Then she decided she would stay in a B&B in a near by town, rather than "put anybody out". Fair enough, but the 1.5 hour round trip now incorporates going to this town, getting her checked etc. So lets call it minimum 2 hours.

Then she decides, instead of coming up on the Friday, she will come up on the Saturday. On DS's actual birthday. I was not happy as obviously we will be doing things with him, getting ready for the party and enjoying the day so a 2 hour hole in that was annoying.

I told her the party was starting at half past two so she needed to be at the station for around 11am ideally.

She has texted me today to say she has got her tickets. ARRIVING AT 13:50.

So, DH will have to go and pick her up and miss DS's entire party? I don't fecking think so.

I am just so angry. I am certain it is deliberate.

I don't know whether to

a)change his party to the Sunday to accomodate her or

b) tell her to change her effing tickets or

c) tell her "That's fine but we won't be able to pick you up from XX at that time and you will have to get 2 connecting trains to where my parents live. Oh. And you will probably miss his party."

I am sorry that's long. I just want to scream

OP posts:
MammaTJ · 20/10/2013 17:54

You stick to your guns Catgirl, I do not have you down as a walkover and don't want to be wrong!

Mellowandfruitful · 20/10/2013 18:14

Amazing that someone who has travelled round Africa alone can't manage more than one visit to their grandson before he turns 2, and that a trip across England is such a palaver. Don't cave!

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 20/10/2013 18:17

I won't cave :)

I can't now - you'll all throw things at me Grin

DH is ringing her later tonight, so I will come back and update

OP posts:
IHaveA · 20/10/2013 18:21

Does your MIL know what you think of her?

edam · 20/10/2013 18:22

oh good grief, she sounds unhinged. V amusing thread to read but NOT to take part in, I'm sure!

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 20/10/2013 18:26

IHaveA

I try to be polite and welcoming as she is DHs mother and DS's grandmother. I try to stand up to her when she is being difficult which doesn't go down well, but I haven't taken to hurling insults at her.

OP posts:
BooHissy · 20/10/2013 18:29

Does DH need to call later? Hasn't what needed to be said already been said?

I'd get him to leave it, you told her to change times, she's lied queried if, and you've set her straight.

She just needs to either change her tickets or sort her own travel and hotel etc out.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 20/10/2013 20:12

DH is on the phone to MIL now.

There are raised voices and him saying "I TOLD you the time of the party. It does NOT take over an hour to get from London Bridge to Euston on the tube".

OP posts:
Original poster
catgirl1976 · 20/10/2013 20:13

"It's 6 stops on the Northern Line"

OP posts:
Scarynuff · 20/10/2013 20:14

Why is he even allowing himself to be drawn into a discussion about it. If she wants to come, she can. End of.

RandomMess · 20/10/2013 20:15

Hopefully she'll get in a huff and decide not to come!

Your dh is pretty amazing in standing up to her good on him Smile

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 20/10/2013 20:17

It's sounding looking like it's going that way Random

OP posts:
RandomMess · 20/10/2013 20:19

Doesn't matter what your dh says or does she will always badmouth at least this way you don't have the drama of her being there as well.

Still it's sad though isn't it, that it has to be that way Sad

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 20/10/2013 20:19

From the sounds of it she is now going on about how hard it is to make the journey and the expense

OP posts:
petalsandstars · 20/10/2013 20:19

The County is always nice when we visit Lytham OP Smile

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 20/10/2013 20:20

It is very sad for DH :( I really feel for him :(

It's rotten. His family are never there for him

OP posts:
Original poster
catgirl1976 · 20/10/2013 20:21

I suggested the Country petal - its not too pricey this time of year and a 2 minute walk away!

OP posts:
Original poster
catgirl1976 · 20/10/2013 20:21

Pop in for Wine next time you are up!

OP posts:
Original poster
catgirl1976 · 20/10/2013 20:24

Oh god, dh is losing his rag now :(

OP posts:
fluffyraggies · 20/10/2013 20:28

Came on to post that she had the Bishop over from Africa sounds like an interesting euphemism ...

:( to hear DH is getting the rage.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 20/10/2013 20:29

She's actually just said she feels it's all revolving around DS's party Shock

No fucking shit Sherlock

OP posts:
petalsandstars · 20/10/2013 20:29

Oh dear, at least he's on your side though.

My DH spent lots of time in childhood summers with GPs there and my BIL got stuck in the sand once as a child.

Some nice shops to wander round too

IHaveA · 20/10/2013 20:29

Sad. Your poor DH. Its a shame for him. I am glad he is standing up for himself.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 20/10/2013 20:30

I snigger every time she mentions what she's been up to with the Bishop Grin

OP posts:
nennypops · 20/10/2013 20:30

If the journey's too difficult and too expensive for her, sounds like she'd better stay at home. Grin