regarding MIL and DS's party

[catgirl1976]

MIL is a massive PITA in general. Total narcissist PITA. I could fill a whole board with tales of her shennanigans. However.........

DS is going to be 2 in a few weeks time. A big deal for me, he is my only PFB and this is the first birthday he will be really interactive IYSWIM. We are having a party for him at my DPs. Buffet, bouncy castle, music etc.

MIL lives 300 miles away and has only been to see DS once.

I asked her if she would like to come up for his birthday (more fool me but a) she is is GM and b) thought it might get me out of any Xmas obligations to go down to her.

She would love to.

She then decided she would come up on the train. The mainline station is a good 45 minutes drive away from my DP's so 1.5 hours round trip to get and get her.

Then she decided she would stay in a B&B in a near by town, rather than "put anybody out". Fair enough, but the 1.5 hour round trip now incorporates going to this town, getting her checked etc. So lets call it minimum 2 hours.

Then she decides, instead of coming up on the Friday, she will come up on the Saturday. On DS's actual birthday. I was not happy as obviously we will be doing things with him, getting ready for the party and enjoying the day so a 2 hour hole in that was annoying.

I told her the party was starting at half past two so she needed to be at the station for around 11am ideally.

She has texted me today to say she has got her tickets. ARRIVING AT 13:50.

So, DH will have to go and pick her up and miss DS's entire party? I don't fecking think so.

I am just so angry. I am certain it is deliberate.

I don't know whether to

a)change his party to the Sunday to accomodate her or

b) tell her to change her effing tickets or

c) tell her "That's fine but we won't be able to pick you up from XX at that time and you will have to get 2 connecting trains to where my parents live. Oh. And you will probably miss his party."

I am sorry that's long. I just want to scream

I think the Cat family realise that if they cave now they will regret it for years.

Maybe your SIL is calling to tell your DH he's a legend too

I was lurking and I have to take my hat of to Mr Catgirl. You both handled the situation brilliantly.

I'm wondering whether you'll be back in touch with your SIL? If you do make contact I'd do it in a very non-committal way.
For example, if you text her back "Hi SIL, I see that I have a few missed calls from you. What's up?" and let her fill in all the details. Don't agree to do anything that you don't want to.

I have a feeling that your MIL phoned her after the phonecall to your DH and she is getting involved in the situation as a result.

Best of luck to you sorting this out!

I was well chuffed for Mr. Catgirl for handling the phone call so well last night so I was!

Yes - MIL has definitely gone straight to SIL for support.

I have texted her back saying "Hi, SIL. Hope you are ok. Am at work right now but will get DH to give you a ring at some point"

DH says he will ring SIL (she is generally pretty reasonable and knows exactly what MIL is like) but won't be caving to any pressure.

I will continue to update :)

It's a shame but sounds like your ds is best off not getting to know her. From your first post is assumed you were really out in the sticks but I know your area. There is no way I'd expect to pick up from Preston when it's easy to get a connecting train to Blackpool (north or south) from there it's an easy cab ride or plenty of public transport to lytham. It is a long journey she's doing but sounds like it needs to be better planned than arriving last minute on the day of the party. Hey ho, at least you got dh to sort it.

Does that mean she's now fallen out with both her sons?

But she sounds like she has to have everything revolve around her.

Feel so sad for mr cat but well done BOTH of you!

So nice to see a DH standing up for his family, too many seem to put their own dysfunctional ones before they're own kids and relationships. to Mr Cat.

Mr Cat is righteous dude.

I wouldn't be suprised if MIL now develops a "mysterious illness", Cargirl. That's what mine does when someone stands up to her.

Are you starting to regret inviting her in the first place yet? Let that be a lesson to you. No more invites and definitely do not make the journey to hers for Christmas (at least not without changing your plans 90 million times).

Oh catgirl, why do families have to be like this? Since we moved up here 2.5 years ago, my DPs have also moved up here. However my 'D'Bro and SIL have taken such umbrage at firstly us moving and now our DPs that they have cut themselves off from all of us, as well as our extended family (cousins, aunts & uncles etc), who we've always been close to. It's heartbreaking for all our DCs mostly. :(

Anyway, keep going Mr Cat. for all.

Been lurking since the first post. Your MIL sounds like a massive unreasonable pain in the arse OP!

You know for a fact she has done all of this on purpose, cause you a panic, ego trip when you rearrange your plans to suit hers and then the grand entrance mid party when she will announce her arrival, hog the bday boy and produce a massively ott present.
My MIL can be bad (randomly picking fault at me in front of everyone because she wanted dd to wear different shoes) but not this bad!

Well done to Mr Cat, Mr Lane stood up to MIL Loon Lane once and she took to her bed with hysterics

Fantastic post, tigga
Been lurking all day OP, I hope that DS has a great party and that you all enjoy yourselves. I think if MIL doesn't rearrange to come at a more convenient time - eg. the day before tbh; I'd suggest that the following weekend would actually be better anyway. Then you can all have plenty of time to catch up on the last 2 years without it "all being about DS's party"

DS would like to know why I have coke coming out of my nose.

If he was old enough to understand it I'd show him tiggas sign off.

how absolutely bloody horrendous. very sad for your dh but he really is brilliant for standing up to the witch. yes, she is a witch.

Just booking my place.

It will br around 9 when he rings SIL.............I shall keep you posted :)

Please do. You have us all agog for the next installment.

I really hope his sister is supportive.

This has kept me so entertained! Sorry Cat I know it's awful for you but I've never been this happy at a result since Neville Longbottom saved the day in HP.

I hope SIL hasn't fallen for any nonsense.

It is very pleasing and very unusual for posters to post their dilemma, be entirely righteous in their unreasonableness, stand up to toxic bullies AND update so regularly. Good work catgirl and mrcat

Strumperton

MIL has just texted me saying that, apparently, she has just had a call from the B&B she was booked into and they had forgotten they were actually away that weekend and can't accommodate her and all the other B&Bs and hotels in LSA are fully booked

[hmm Quick check on late rooms rather blows that out of the water but...

Anyway, this is so much of a blow to her that she feels it just isn't meant to be. She just hopes she can get a refund from Virgin (because that's what matters, not her DS or DGS)

Good for me really that she isn't coming, but it's shitty for DH and DS is missing out on one side of his family (and however terrible they are, they are his family.)

I'm torn between joy DS can have his day with no problems and feeling really sad for DH

I've texted her back saying that is a shame but I have found several places with vacancies. If she wishes to come up I will forward them to her but if she has made the choice not to then although we are disappointed we respect her decision.

(Just making sure it's clear SHE has CHOSEN not to come)

Thank you kiri

Text her again and say you will double-check with the B&B she had booked into...

I feel for your DH. My family don't give a shit. Haven't seen my mother for 24 years and only seen my father twice in all of my life. Occasional card exchange with an uncle but haven't seen him for 12 years.

It does feel shit my kids have only half a family but tell your ADH (Amazing DH) that he did good and his son will understand when he is older.

You've worded that well catgirl.
I'm sure you'll be relieved if she doesn't come but it's crap for your DH.

I;m so tempted to check with them

She's replied to me now saying

"Don't bother. I really feel we are not meant to come. I really liked that B&B and the owner said all B&B owners go away in November so there won't be any vacancies and I can't afford to spend any more."

I have replied saying "I have found loads for you. All under the price you were paying at that one. But if you have decided you don't want to come, I understand".

God knows why I am almost pushing her to come. I just feel the need to challenge the blatent bullshit.

I might just ring her B&B and ask if they have any vacancies that weekend.