regarding MIL and DS's party

[catgirl1976]

MIL is a massive PITA in general. Total narcissist PITA. I could fill a whole board with tales of her shennanigans. However.........

DS is going to be 2 in a few weeks time. A big deal for me, he is my only PFB and this is the first birthday he will be really interactive IYSWIM. We are having a party for him at my DPs. Buffet, bouncy castle, music etc.

MIL lives 300 miles away and has only been to see DS once.

I asked her if she would like to come up for his birthday (more fool me but a) she is is GM and b) thought it might get me out of any Xmas obligations to go down to her.

She would love to.

She then decided she would come up on the train. The mainline station is a good 45 minutes drive away from my DP's so 1.5 hours round trip to get and get her.

Then she decided she would stay in a B&B in a near by town, rather than "put anybody out". Fair enough, but the 1.5 hour round trip now incorporates going to this town, getting her checked etc. So lets call it minimum 2 hours.

Then she decides, instead of coming up on the Friday, she will come up on the Saturday. On DS's actual birthday. I was not happy as obviously we will be doing things with him, getting ready for the party and enjoying the day so a 2 hour hole in that was annoying.

I told her the party was starting at half past two so she needed to be at the station for around 11am ideally.

She has texted me today to say she has got her tickets. ARRIVING AT 13:50.

So, DH will have to go and pick her up and miss DS's entire party? I don't fecking think so.

I am just so angry. I am certain it is deliberate.

I don't know whether to

a)change his party to the Sunday to accomodate her or

b) tell her to change her effing tickets or

c) tell her "That's fine but we won't be able to pick you up from XX at that time and you will have to get 2 connecting trains to where my parents live. Oh. And you will probably miss his party."

I am sorry that's long. I just want to scream

How sad that she would rather save face by cancelling the whole trip than behave reasonably.

It's a good job your DH has a lovely family in you, your DS and your extended family. I'm sure they'll take great pleasure in making the day all about your DS's party.

I hope she realises soon that she's cutting off her nose to spite her face and can find another time to visit.

Bookmarking to see what excuse she will come up with now.

OP my MIL lives only 6 miles away and she has only seen my DD 3 times. I'm afraid that if they don't want to visit they won't regardless of disatnce

she's clearly bullshitting. she wants to play victim. all about her.

I'll even stretch to paying for her and the Bishop too.

Damn chipped you beat me to it!

Arf @ Tigga

Mr Cat is my new hero.

As an aside, why is he Mr Catgirl and not Catboy? I guess Catboy is the DS. Don't mind me

I really don't mind.
After a journey with my 2 year old singing wind the bobbin up full blast and my 9 year old talking about mine craft non stop, she'd be glad to get to the scary b&b :o

Uncle Brian can get her a litre of vodka to share with the rowdy ladz on tour (read the guestbook!)

Stop engaging with this idiot and accept she won't be part of her DGCs life!! Has made for funny reading though, her attempts to make it all about her.

Ok I know that's hard for your DH. My Mil, nothing like yours, but everything has to be on her terms, we live 10 minutes away and she doesn't visit us. DD (our youngest) is nearly 3 and she has been to our house twice in that time. She always expects DH to go to her house, which he does. I know it makes him sad that she isn't a hands on GM like we both had growing up, but MIL is far too selfish to be that. She is very me, me, me. I don't engage with her at all and leave it all up to DH. He mainly does things out of duty, not because he actually wants to spend time with her.

DH does like my family though and they are the ones who get to spend more time with our kids, because they actually take more of an interest and can be bothered, very much unlike DH's family. I won't pander to anyone.

At least you know next time not to bother inviting her in the first place!! Don't let her spoil the party. I love making a big fuss of my children's birthdays. I only remember ever having a few parties and have never really had a big deal made out of my birthday so I am determined to do it for mine, whether anyone thinks it is over the top or not, it gives me great pleasure to see my children happy.

I'm actually surprised that your DH bothers at all with her weird behaviour when he was younger!!!! She sounds unhinged. At least he has managed to turn out alright by the sounds of it.

Well done Catboy for not pandering to stupid demands.

It's sad how many rubbish MILs there are out there, missing out on relationships with lovely DGs.

Seems such a shame. When I am a MIL I am determined to be a good one!

Just read your whole thread! Are we related?!

My MIL is the exact same. Manages to play the victim, turn everything into a massive deal, won't see DDs unless we make the effort to collect her, bullshits, lets DDs down, is ill alot, never says sorry..etcetc.

We cut her off 2 weeks ago.
Its been fabulous.

She is obviously telling lies and playing the victim about DSs birthday. You are both doing so well, keep it up!

Good luck

My mil left DS's birthday party halfway through "to miss the traffic", but still managed to stop at a restaurant for lunch on the way home...

Wait until I'm picking her care home.

MrCat is a legend! Wonder if MIL will be ill any time soon?

"When I am a MIL I am determined to be a good one"

Me too! I'm hoping to have a good relationship with my childrens partners and be a hands on GM who doesn't make everything about her. I want to be like my nan, bloody fantastic who never ever wants anything and would put herself out for us all of the time. It makes me sad when my nan wants to do more for my children but health means she can't, yet MIL is fit and healthy, has tons of free time but never ever takes an interest in her DGC.

DH actually turned to me a while ago and said "I hope I am a better GP than my mum is"

I told him of course he would be, because he would want to be whereas she doesn't really care.

Hi catgirl I am at the top end of St Annes if you need any help to run covert ops up here!

I think the solution would be for us to adopt MrCat so he could have a nice family locally too (blowing my own trumpet there!) I could do with a lovely toddler to play with now and again too!

Definitely think you should send her to Uncle Brians. Was it him who was, shall we say, inappropriate with some guests? She might learn a whole new meaning of bishop-bashing!

Hey viper

That's lovely :)

Why don't we arrange a little play date daytime wine :)

Sounds great to me! We really should do that

Good luck to Mr Cat (I'm imagining some jazz dude when I type that) when he talks to SIL tonight.

Mr Cat loves Thrusk :)

Timid - PM me and we'll arrange something :) x

Catgirl my MIL also suffered the MIL from hell but she was a 1960s housewife and had to put up with most of it. The silver lining is that she vowed she would never, ever be like that and she is the most wonderful MIL, we all adore her.

PS is dh going to speak to SIL anyway, just to find out what your MIL tried to get her to do/say on her behalf?

Wasn't meant to be?

Who is she; mystic fucking meg?

@ mystic meg

My Gran vowed never to be the MIL from hell. Sadly her good intentions were not fulfilled... you really have to stay on top of this stuff, not just promise it and then start behaving like a diva!

I've been reading this thread out to DH and after his face recovered its usual composure, he said;
"Surely she can just pack her broomstick and get to the party on that".

Seriously impressed at your DHs fortitude OP, and yours too. It must be so wearing having to deal with her, especially in such contrast with your parents.

DawnTigga made me guffaw