to be concerned about my friend giving birth in the USA?

[YoniGetAnOohWithTyphoo]

My friend 'P' got pregnant by an american citizen (unplanned, on holiday kind of thing...) anyway, cut a long story short: he has said that whilst he isn't interested in her (and much less in coming over to the UK to play happy families), he, and moreover his mother, seem very keen for P to come over and give birth in the US, all expenses paid.

Whilst this seems like a nice gesture on the face of it, i'm a bit worried. Notwithstanding the fact that P seems to honestly think she's gonna fly to the USA alone at about 35 weeks pregnant (don't they have rules about this sort of thing?) with all the suitcases in tow, if a baby is born in the USA i'm worried it will be an 'american citizen' and as such, won't just be allowed to fly back to the UK. Do any mumsnetters know about this?

I'm haven't said much yet because I don't want to hurt her feelings or scare her, I know at the end of the day it's her choice... but I can't help thinking she hasn't thought this through. What do you guys think?

what a terrifying situation to be in, having fought a very nasty custody battle outside of the UK it is the most frightening thing ever. I wish her luck because she is really going to need it to keep her son

This is so alwful. Hope something gets sorted so she can bring baby home but doesn't look likely does it

My mum brought us to the UK without our father with the intention of staying permanently. Within days she was ordered to return to the US as that is where we were born and there's some law saying any decisions about custody have to be made in the child's country of birth.

At least my mum had a green card and a leg to stand on! The OP's friend does not. It makes me angry that anyone can be this naive!!!!

Surely when they had the discussion about P giving birth in the US they also discussed if she would be taking the baby back to the UK, him petitioning for a greencard for P, or baby staying in the US and P going home?? If babydaddy did indeed present P with divorce papers she would have the answer to his intentions right there, since division of marital property and custody of minor children will have to be included in the divorce.
Of course it's very possible that babydaddy and MIL do have sinister intentions, but thinking from a practical point of view I can somewhat understand why they wanted P to give birth in the US. First off, it allows his child to have US citizenship which will make either visitation or the child living or studying in the US easier. He knew that his child would be safely delivered in a hospital, and he got to be there for the birth.It also means that his name will be on the birth certificate, and then by filing for divorce custody can be outlined. Even if P does go home with the baby it means that she won't just disapear into the sunset, and he can still have some say in his child's life.
Instead of giggling about Cadbury's on FB P needs to apply for an original birth certificate (not hospital one) from the state. This itself will take a while to arrive in the mail, and she'll need it to apply for a passport. She needs to register the birth with the British Embassy, and see what steps she needs to take for the child to be a UK citizen. If she hasn't already done so she needs to discuss with babydaddy what they are going to do. If she is taking the baby home with her the baby will need a US passport, and like an earlier poster said both parents will need to be present to apply for this. I'm also doubtful if she could even get one in 4 weeks, especially since the Christmas holidays slow everything down.
In order to take the child out of the country she will need a passport for the child and a notarized letter from the father stating she has permission to do so.
OP I suggest that you call P and ask her what her intentions are. If she is misinformed then you now can tell her what she needs to do. If she doesn't want to hear it then I don't think there's anything you or anyone else can do.

The child is already a UK citizen providing the OP's friend was born in the UK, it's not something she has to apply for. But I don't think this will be any help in any custody war as it would have to be conducted in the US.

I agree about giggling about Cadburys, surely she has bigger fish to fry unless she is completely stupid!

I have been following this thread since early days and I hope it will work out ok for your friend but I don't have high hopes.
One thing I have thought of us how is your friend feeding the baby? If she is exclusively breast feeding then the reactions of her husband and mil may give a clue to their intentions when your friend has to return to the uk when her visa expires. If they seem to be very keen for her to give formula to the baby when breastfeeding is going well then this could be a way to find out their intentions. If they are all fully supportive of her exclusively breastfeeding then this would be of less cause for concern.

Any further news?

I've followed this thread from the start, but one thing I simply don't understand is why (a great portion of) you think these people - the 'husband' and 'mil' - have cooked up this plan in order to obtain a baby. It's just weird. And not very likely, IMHO. What would a single man and his mother want with a motherless child? It just doesn't add up. I'm having a very hard time wrapping my head around the idea that this is such a sinister situation as some of you make it out to be.

So what is your "theory" Lullabyte because there I'd some reason behind his actions?

Is*

I don't have a 'theory', and perhaps it's just naïveté on my part, but it just seems quite unlikely that there is something so sinister going on. There are plenty of good (non-sinister) reasons why this man may have wanted OP's friend to give birth in the US - the primary one being that as military personel he will have access to brilliant private insurance. And if he's someone who has never lived in the UK (& therefore has no personal experience if how good the NHS can be), then it makes sense to want to provide his child with great medical care. As HoneyStep pointed out, this also means he will automatically be listed on the birth certificate, whereas if OP's friend hadn't married him and had instead given birth in the UK, then she wouldn't have had to include him on the BC, potentially rendering any parental rights.

Perhaps I'm just anxious to think about this situation positively on behalf of OP's friend, but it does seem pretty far-fetched to me that these people would have concocted such a horrid, cruel plot to essentially snatch a newborn baby from its mother.

I suppose it can be difficult for people who have always had the NHS to fathom just how unbelievably unfair and expensive US insurance can be. As someone who has lived in both countries, I am incredibly appreciative of the NHS, because I am a self employed artist (& un-insured) and it would have cost upwards of 25,000 US dollars for the emergency Csection that brought DS2 into the world. We would've been in debt a long time to recover from that. In fact, I'm still paying off a US hospital bill from 2006 for a minor injury that required stitches even though I begged my friends not to take me to the hospital because I didn't have insurance. Honestly, it's that bad.

So if you're an American with access to good insurance (which military personel do - I know this through family members), then it could make this man feel quite strongly about 'sharing' his insurance with OP's friend and their child. Sadly, of course, the only way to make this happen would be to get married temporarily. It really doesn't mean that he and his mother are child-snatchers.

Incidentally, if anyone is curious, that hospital visit in 2006 included a 5 hour waiting period, two aspirin, a brief visit from the unit doctor & several stitches on my hand. Total cost: just under 7,600.00 US dollars. No joke.

Btw, at the time I applied for assistance to pay the bill (which I have recieved in the past for another unrelated hospital visit when it was thought that my appendix had ruptured) but as I'd just received a rather decent commission check from a major museum my income level appeared much higher than it actually was. Utter madness.

I have to agree with Lullabyte.

I believe many americans think the NHS is rubbish, which is why they are so against the idea of an american NHS. AFAIK they think it's shonky and cheap treatment compared to a system where you pay.

It's more likely that he is trying to do what's right by his child than he's trying to steal a baby ffs.

(And before anyone asks - the reason I didn't spend the commission check on the hospital bill is because I needed it to pay my wages and costs of making the work I'd been commissioned to make!)

To be honest he could've got anyone pregnant in his own country if he wanted a baby. It does seem abit longwinded. Like I said, if she's spending I time with her new mates on Facebook she's not panicking is she?

Lullabyte they overcharged you for that ER visit. It sounds like you would have been better off going to an urgent care center. How did you end up dealing with the bill? You know that you can not pay it until it goes to collections, then negociate the cost way down and set up a payment plan?
Sorry, not trying to derail the thread! When I still lived in the UK I didn't have great experiences with the NHS. On the other hand I've been really happy with all medical care I received in the US, and luckily I've always had insurance. Babydaddy and MIL sound like they trust the devil they know and wanted to offer her a US hospital birth. Like I said in my earlier post if Babydaddy did indeed present P with divorce papers her answer is right there. If he had drafted divorce papers the conditions of the divorce, aka custody, would be included. If she agrees to the terms she can sign the papers which would then need to be filed in court, and a judge needs to approve and sign off on them. And this all takes time. If she disagrees she can file a counter motion, but since she is I'm sure not very familiar with the US legal system I'm unsure how she can be successful with that. Getting an attorney is the best way to go, but most of them charge $300 an hour.
In the event everything is in good shape and P and babydaddy agree that baby is going to the UK they still need to hurry up and get on with things. They need to get baby's original birth certificate, and as soon as they get that they need to apply for a passport. If I was Babydaddy I would not been keen on my child leaving the country before visitation and custody had been decided on...

I was most definitely overcharged, Honey - it was an outrageous bill! Of course, these bills are set up to be covered by insurance companies, hence the general over inflation of charges from both the hospital and monthly insurance premiums. It's such a racket. That said, it was my own fault for not having insurance at the time. In the past (in the US) when I've been an employee (rather than self-employed) I've always made sure my contract provided good health insurance with low co-pays. It's just what you need to do to live within that system, isn't it.

(I am forever going on about how wonderful the NHS is!)

Also, to answer your question, I did not pay the bill and, yes, it went into collections. The debt was eventually bought by a collections agency (who took a surprisingly long time to find me as I was no longer living in the country.) Eventually, after much back and forth, I negotiated the bill down to a zero interest long-term repayment plan, which, out of spite I purposefully make a ridiculously low monthly payment on. It is my own personal F-you to the system!

Sorry for the hijack, OP - I sincerely hope the best for your friend and her son.

We are so lucky to have the NHS - always had good experiences of it myself. I have been watching this thread and first of all believed the evil child snatcher theory but now am thinking there could be a less sinister explanation. Hope the OP comes back soon with more info anf that things work out for the Mum and baby.

Marking my place on this thread, hoping to hear news of P and her DS being home safely very soon

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/immigration/10540881/The-300-maternity-tourists.html

Interesting statistic from the article: up to 2/3 of "health tourists " in the NHS (not specifically maternity) are not identified, or billed.

How's your friend doing, OP?