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AIBU?

to think the childminder should not be making arrangements with the school over my head?

105 replies

kawliga · 16/10/2013 21:02

Here's the situation which is making me feel really angry: the childminder picks up a few children from different schools nearby. She has to park the car, walk to the school gate (not easy to park directly outside but sometimes she does this which is just wrong in itself) pick up DD, then do the same at some nearby schools. She doesn't really need to be doing it in a car but heyho. Anyway she waited for DD's teacher after school and told the teacher that she has to pick DD about 15 minutes or 20 minutes early from school (before the end of school) to give her time to get to the next school gate in time for the next DC to come out there. I am livid. There are so many things wrong with this situation I don't even know where to begin. I have never told the childminder not to approach DD's teacher to make arrangements about DD because I honestly never thought any childminder would consider this a reasonable thing to do. Surely that's always the role of the parent? AIBU? Obviously the teacher did not say she could do that (not even sure the teacher is authorised to do that, but I'm not sure since I would never try to pick up a child early just for my convenience who does that?? Is that acceptable in any way?

OP posts:

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RevoltingPeasant · 16/10/2013 21:19

Can you find someone else OP?

HorryIsUpduffed · 16/10/2013 21:19

YANBU.

Is your daughter the latest starter with the CM, or has she taken additional children on after yours who are causing the clash?

LynetteScavo · 16/10/2013 21:20

"they don't do anything important in the last half hour of school"

That would actually really pee me off.

Anyway, YANBU. I would be looking for alternative after school care.

BasilBabyEater · 16/10/2013 21:23

She sounds like a total arse.

The thing about her parking right outside the school would lose me anyway (philistine, selfish, fuck-witted and irresponsible), I wouldn't want someone like that looking after my child) but the collecting from school early... words fail tbh.

EvaBeaversProtege · 16/10/2013 21:25

Definitely get a new childminder. How dare she take it upon herself to do that!!

And how did she choose which of her mindees could miss 20 mins a day of school!! The cheeky mare!!!!

IceNoSlice · 16/10/2013 21:26

YANBU but maybe you should talk to the CM again - when you are calmer, maybe tomorrow - and explain exactly why this is unacceptable. If she doesn't get it, then it is time to find a new CM. But maybe she just got so wrapped up in trying to juggle all her pick ups she lost sight of what is acceptable. She IBVU but surely it would be better to talk to her about it properly?

Goldmandra · 16/10/2013 21:28

The childminder shouldn't have taken on children in different schools if the collection times clash.

I would look for another childminder ASAP.

Coupon · 16/10/2013 21:29

YANBU

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 16/10/2013 21:29

I think you should write to the school and state unequivocally that your childminder does not have your permission to remove your child early! unless specifically authorised by you. Even if you are going to move your dd, I would still do this, so she can't try to do this.

WorraLiberty · 16/10/2013 21:31

Yes I second what SDTG said

At least it will give you peace of mind until you can find a decent CM

kawliga · 16/10/2013 21:33

Those telling me to find another CM are right I guess. I knew she does pickups from other schools but I just assumed that it all works out? Though I also felt uncomfortable when she told me about parking outside the school gate (nobody is supposed to park there) and parking in some other places that are inconvenient for others, and I know she leaves the DC in the car who have already been picked up while she walks to the next school gate from wherever she has parked. She talks about the parking situation a lot but I just assumed it must all be ok (I was in denial).

I guess I'm partly angry at myself and also dreading starting the search for a new CM. She is a really good CM in terms of getting along with the children. Yes, my daughter is the latest starter and she has been picking some of these other DC for a couple of years now.

OP posts:

shewhowines · 16/10/2013 21:38

YANBU
Make alternative arrangements ASAP. What else is she doing that you haven't found out about yet? A gentle discussion with dd might be in order.

tinyturtletim · 16/10/2013 21:40

You definitely need a new cm.

However just to look on the other side,

Do you think maybe she is struggling with timings and has been trying to figure out how to make sure you still have a minder and she can make it work?

For example, I asked a teacher about communication with them before speaking to the parent as I wanted to see if it was something that was possible before trying to faff with the parent.

kawliga · 16/10/2013 21:40

I'm afraid I already sent an angry email to the school saying the childminder is not authorized to approach the school to make arrangements about DD over my head I was just so shocked and angry and thinking what if she goes to the school and pulls DD out for the day or does something like that? I should not have been angry with the school. I will have to think of a way to apologize for that after I calm down. I was even angry with the teacher for the casual way she mentioned the incident which to me is quite a shocking incident. Sorry, I will be apologizing to the school for that.

The thing is that the CM will go in to school and say things like 'I'm parked on a yellow line' as if that's any of the school's business. She used to work there so she knows the reception staff. That's what made me afraid that she might go in there and say anything.

OP posts:

Viviennemary · 16/10/2013 21:41

That is absolutely unheard of. I wouldn't have thought the school would allow it except perhaps as a one off. She sounds nuts.

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 16/10/2013 21:43

I am very supportive of childminders, so I was on the defensive when I read your title... but bloody hell!!! For a one off I wouldn't have any problem with the childminder arranging something like this - if you delegate the pick-ups to someone else then it's fair enough that the school see them as an authorised person to do this kind of thing, but everyday?? Fucking hell, the woman is a numpty and from that POV she would no longer be looking after my child.

However - what on earth are you scared about?

kawliga · 16/10/2013 21:43

Yes, she is a good person I'm sure she did this to try and make it work for all the parents.

OP posts:

invicta · 16/10/2013 21:45

How old are the children left in the car? I'd feel a bit put out if my young child was left in the car.

tinyturtletim · 16/10/2013 21:47

I think you are over reacting massively.

Please do not go around saying 'what if she took dd for the day or worse'

That kind of talk can lose a childminder her job. Way out of proportion.

As human beings we sometimes do things that are misplaced, and judgement errors.

Your CM has made a misjudgement, she was not trying to kidnap your child it sounds like she is juggling to many children and didn't want to disappoint anyone.

kawliga · 16/10/2013 21:48

Chipping, I'm scared because I'm a single mum. Nobody in the world has parental authority for DD except me. So I got shell shocked at the idea that somebody could go in and make plans with the school over my head. I wouldn't be so scared if the teacher had called me in or something to show it was a serious matter, but honestly she would never even have mentioned if it she hadn't just happened to see me by chance and remembered the request. I don't think she was reporting it to me as such, just mentioned it because she saw me.

No I don't think DD would think to mention that she is leaving early unless something else happened like if she was missing something fun she might mention it. Otherwise she's very laid back she would just go along.

OP posts:

tinyturtletim · 16/10/2013 21:50

I would look for someone who only collects from the same school as your dd, and leave it at that.

Don't bad mouth her and just walk away, you are not comfortable with her asking the teacher and it should just be left

tinyturtletim · 16/10/2013 21:51

Did the school tell her she could collect early?

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kawliga · 16/10/2013 21:51

tinyturtle I haven't mentioned this to anyone except this anonymous forum. She's a great CM I wouldn't dream of going round saying things about her. And I didn't say 'or worse' I said 'or something like that' i.e. something similar to taking DD out early for convenience. I'm really not questioning the CM's safety as such or I wouldn't leave my DD with her. It's more the idea that she could go over my head that concerned me.

But I could be overreacting. I guess when I came on AIBU I felt that there might be something unreasonable about how angry I'm feeling about this.

OP posts:

ChippingInNeedsSleepAndCoffee · 16/10/2013 21:52

Kawliga - I understand you are angry that she has done this and I think she's too daft to be left in charge of your DD, but you say yourself she is lovely - why on earth are you scared and why on earth are you scared of what she will say to the reception staff?

That part is a massive over reaction to the situation.

As for being angry with the school - that beggars belief. They said 'No' and the teacher told you about it. What more do you want? A full on meeting with the teacher? The Head? What? It was a daft request and she was told 'No' and you were informed, it was handled well. You do owe them that apology... but first of all you need to work out why you were so angry with them and so scared.

kali110 · 16/10/2013 21:54

Not the schools fault but yanbu for being pissed with the cm.

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