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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse my SIL access to DS until she can respect my wishes?

108 replies

Bunraku · 15/10/2013 12:02

My SIL often asks to take my DS out for the day with her son. Probably twice a month. She often brings a good friend of hers who is pregnant and likes to "practice" l

I made a simple request of her. As my ds has recently come out of hospital after serious pneumonia I asked if they could please not go to the filthy soft play that is near my MIL's house.

OP posts:
mumaa · 15/10/2013 20:35

YANBU it is your DC and your choice. You made a specific request for a very important reason and that was ignored. I would not be able to trust someone to care for my child who purposefully goes out of their way to go against my wishes. I hope your DS is on the mend soon!!

DarkVelvetySilkyShiraz · 15/10/2013 20:37

Bunraku Mine is too, always always crying!

I do not know why anyone still falls for it!

Original poster
Bunraku · 15/10/2013 20:59

Well. DH was livid after reading all my angry texts after work. He came straight in and called his mum. He asked what would she be worried at me shouting for. The lying bitch launched into verbal diarrhoea and said "I hear from
SIL that your DS is poorly, I think he caught it from nursery, all kinds of nasties there" dh mentioned that ds has not been to nursery and then said he suspected it was from the soft play that DW said SIL was not to go to, and had said previously that they did not visit. MIL said "we decided to go anyway because bunraku was just being silly and I told SIL not to mention it as we knew she would just overreact" to which dh said "since you both think our wishes are silly and ds's health comes second to what you want, ds won't be seeing SIL without us now. MIL started her shitty crying and said "oh I knew you would make this MY fault! Surely YOU can see how silly this is??" DH put the phone down. He wants his dinner Grin

OP posts:
eatriskier · 15/10/2013 21:07

Glad your DH knows what is sensible and what isn't. And tbh it wouldn't matter if he had agreed with your or not on the soft play thing, he's right in what he has said. Good for DH.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 15/10/2013 21:14

Three cheers for Mr Bunraku!

Seriously OP I will come round and SLAP that bitch into next week if you want. God some people make it all about them.

Hope your little DS has a quick recovery.

Original poster
Bunraku · 15/10/2013 21:24

Ahh Hearts Thanks

Can I watch??

OP posts:
hettie · 15/10/2013 22:45

No I'm not the SIL... and I read
"my ds has recently come out of hospital after serious pneumonia "
and
"I made this request as my sons immune system is currently very weak"
I did not hear the OP saying her son was
"immunocompromised"...
Pneumonia is common is in immunocomprimised patients, so it may well be that there is some underlying condition that the OP hasn't mentioned. And it is understandable that if your child has been seriously ill that you don't really want them to get ill again. But white blood cells aren't like petrol, you don't run out of them because they are all used up fighting a previous bacterial or viral infection...
Anyway that's irrelevant, if the op didn't want her son taking to soft play then the the il's should have respected that.

elfycat · 15/10/2013 23:00

hettie while it's true that you don't run out of white blood cells we are talking about a fairly young child who has been hospitalised with a severe illness. And has probably had a major dose of antibiotics that take ages to recover normal flora and fauna from. He'll be more susceptible to post viral infections after this. While immunocompromised suggests a severe medical issue it can exist on a smaller post illness scale and be called this.

op I'll join the MN hit squad for this and go and slap MIL and SIL. Maybe with a small rotting fish? It won't cause pain or damage but will get the message across.

nennypops · 15/10/2013 23:08

Joining in the cheers for dh here.

Doubletroublemummy2 · 15/10/2013 23:30

Good Bunraku! I hope your little one gets better soon.

Doubletroublemummy2 · 15/10/2013 23:30

Good job

Doubletroublemummy2 · 15/10/2013 23:31

Elfycat I'm in

NicknameIncomplete · 15/10/2013 23:44

Its so nice to read that ur dh put his mother in her place as often on here you read about mummys boys & people who will do whatever their parents say.

I hope ur ds gets better soon. He will be better off without MIL & SIL.

PumpkinGuts · 16/10/2013 02:11

Yanbu obviously

PerpendicularVince · 16/10/2013 06:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZillionChocolate · 16/10/2013 07:09

Good for Mr&Mrs Bunraku.

Mojavewonderer · 16/10/2013 07:32

If you specifically asked your sis in law not to go somewhere with your child but she ignored your wishes and went anyway then no of course YANBU. Regardless of whether or not he caught foot & mouth from the dirty soft play area she went against what you had asked. So it's probably best she doesn't take your son out again.

ILoveMakeUp · 16/10/2013 07:38

Whether he caught it at the Soft Play area is neither here nor there, she shouldn't have taken him there. YANBU to be absolutely furious. I hate it when ILs undermine parents.

By the way, is it Hand, Foot & Mouth disease? It sounds like it.

Beastofburden · 16/10/2013 08:18

From the phone call it sounds as if the SIL would have respected your wishes left to her own devices, but didn't stand up to your mil. You did the right thing not engaging with all mils self justification.

Original poster
Bunraku · 16/10/2013 09:24

Elfycat rotting fish sounds wonderful!

I am very lucky that especially since having DS my DH has stuck by us vehemently. He knows his mother can be a very manipulative individual. His father has quite a restricting MH condition and the poor bloke is absolutely ground down and trapped by her and seems to go with whatever she says, or ignore situations for a quiet life.

DS is eating today, it looks uncomfortable but when it comes to porridge he is just a piglet Grin so at least he's getting some nutrition. I'm expecting an uninvited visit from MIL today while DH is out so she can try to railroad me but sadly my doorbell appears to have disconnected itself and sadly I can't hear it. How unfortunate :)

OP posts:
fluffyraggies · 16/10/2013 09:31

Terrible about your doorbell Bunraku! But hey ho ... Wink

Hurrah for your DH speaking the truth and sticking up for you :)

Glad to hear little Bun is eating something :)

BumbleChum · 16/10/2013 09:33

Sounds like you and your DH are handling this very well, OP. I think avoiding getting drawn into a discussion is the best thing - you've made your decision: no unsupervised access, and it's not up for discussion.

Beastofburden · 16/10/2013 09:33

if she does turn up, make her hold DS on her lap, a lot, so she catches it.

Mumsyblouse · 16/10/2013 09:39

I am completely with you on this one- it's your decision as the parent where your child goes!

Sometimes, when mine were little, I would swerve a soft-play or toddler meet-up if mine had been ill even just with a cold for a week or two, the thought of them getting sick again was too much, to my sleep-deprived brain. If they've been ill lately, it's perfectly normal not to want them to be ill again quite so soon and that's your judgement to make. I used to avoid playgroups for the same reason sometimes, as there would be snotty-nosed kids with it literally dripping onto the shared toys, and I'd just think- do I want another week of sleepless nights, child crying, fever, Calpol, and just stay home and watch CBeebies.

This was your call and they are absolutely in the wrong- glad your husband sticks up for you and you are able to present a united front.

aciddrops · 16/10/2013 09:42

They sound like a pair of nutters.

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