To refuse my SIL access to DS until she can respect my wishes?

[Bunraku]

My SIL often asks to take my DS out for the day with her son. Probably twice a month. She often brings a good friend of hers who is pregnant and likes to "practice" l

I made a simple request of her. As my ds has recently come out of hospital after serious pneumonia I asked if they could please not go to the filthy soft play that is near my MIL's house.

MIL knows she's in the shite, so is trying to get your DH to go easy on her and SIL.

I really hope DH sides with you and your DS. He's still very young and his health is much much more important than whatever else is going on in SILs mind regarding soft play.

YANBU to be raging; I would be too!

MIL sounds awful. Sympathy. Your DH should only phone if he is going to say, 'SIL was told not to take her so DS wouldn't get sick. She took her and now DS is sick.' If MIL tries to defend he should say, 'Are you really so stubborn and selfish that you can't see that this behaviour has made our DS ill? If so you will not be seeing our DS.'

Well I would not call MIL back and next time SIL asks to go out say, no, do come round here. Don't argue, just repeat. They know why.

When dh comes in the last thing he will want to do is speak to her. Especially given her recent offences before this happened which she has tried to avoid being confronted about.

''bunraku is just going to shout and not listen'' !?

If that was aimed at my DH about me i'd ask him to say ''bloody right she's going to shout - so am i''!!!!

I'd be more seething over that message than the original act of deceit ....

Christ what a pair of conniving witches

I hope your little one feels better soon, and that your DH gives it them with both barrels!

YADNBU

I'm agog that she even left it on a mutual answering machine. It's as if she wanted me to hear it and feel unreasonable.

Thank you Allthatglistens and everybody else that has answered :)

Of course she wanted you to hear it :(

OP, I'm so sorry that you have married into such a dreadful family. Their attitude towards you and your perfect little boy are disgusting. I very much hope that your husband will fully back you in this and put on a united front. Your sil is not your child's parent, her having "access" to him without you present does not need to be up for discussion.

I'd ring the bitch myself and say

'you're wrong. I will listen.

THEN i'll shout.'

You gave specific instructions and reasons as to what the rules were and why.

They both chose to completely ignore these, and go ahead anyway. They couldn't be bothered to even lie.

Your SIL did this, she orchestrated this, and has accidentally on purpose told you what she did.

She wants to devastate the family, she wants to rip you right out of it so SHE'S queen bee.

Don't let DH call her back. Let her ring again, and make sure you answer it.

OK, so they should have listened to your requests...but you do know that catching (non life threatening) virus's is a normal part off childhood?

I reckon Hettie's the sil!

I think the incubation for HF&M, like most other viral illnesses is 2 weeks. More likely they have given it to all the other children attending the soft play as often the contagious period starts before the rash developes.

As for lying to you about where your child is, I think it's highly unreasonable that you don't have them out in the streets for a public flogging!!

Your poor ds - I hope he's not feeling bad with it. I'd be seething - damn right I'd phone back and shout!

I read on nhs direct that the incubation was 3/5 days. It's been just over 4 days since the soft play and he hasn't had any contact with any other children or adults except me and dh for a little over a week.

I don't want to talk to her because she just cries and makes herself the victim. Even if what we are talking about isn't about her. As an example in July I apologised that we would not be visiting her as we were visiting my mum's grave to put flowers down for her birthday and she burst out crying saying that she was devastated when my mum died. She met my mum once. For 10 minutes. When I was 17

Thank you makehay. He's stopped eating solid foods so I suspect either his throat is sore, the blisters on his hands are obstructing him or there are spots in his mouth but he has fallen asleep early so he must be feeling a little bit run down. :(

if it helps, my friend caught it from her dd and said the soreness really doesn't last long. I hope this is true for your son with him immune-suppression, too. Your sil sounds really weird and toxic....

Double trouble its 3-5 days but you are still very contagious for awhile after onset, one of the viruses that cause it can live in poo for 4 weeks.

As I've said I am willing to accept that I could be completely incorrect about where the illness came from. The real problem is that I have been deceived and feel a bit stupid for it. :(

Sorry I didn't make myself clear. My MIL is the serial 'crier'
I fully believe she manipulated SIL and encouraged her to lie and although SIL is indeed a grown woman I'm sure her mother can be very persuasive to anybody who will fall for it.

Hope your DH rips a strip off her. What an arse!

Toxic mil - even worse.

I think the fact your poor DS is ill is only the side point, you gave very specific instructions (with a very reasonable reason) which they decided to totally ignore. So no, yanbu for not trusting SIL. Hope your DH doesn't fall victim to MIL's manipulations.