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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Smoking during pregnancy

28 replies

cantsleep · 14/10/2013 12:10

Sil is expecting a baby. At the weekend we saw her at DMs house and she popped out into the garden with DM to smoke.

Now, don't get me wrong. Sil is lovely and I get on well with her. As far as I'm concerned it is her choice that she still smokes when pregnant. She is intelligent enough to make her own choices knowing the risks. Personally I would not smoke during pregnancy but that's my choice.

DM however was positively ecstatic that sil was smoking. Told me that when I was pg I was over the top about not breathing in smoke and how it is fine. DM smoked through all her pregnancies and said it did her and us no harm.
She has told me categorically I am not to tell dsis that sil is still smoking as dsis is likely to say it is not healthy for e baby etc and DM doesn't want sil upset.

I find the whole thing ridiculous. DM is constantly talking about how sensible sil is not just giving up suddenly as apparently that would shock her body and cause the baby more harm!

AIBU to think DM attitude is ridiculous?

OP posts:
PedlarsSpanner · 14/10/2013 12:26

do you have form for running to your sister with gossip? praps that what your Mama is trying to prevent

londonmum14 · 14/10/2013 12:36

Your DM is deluded cantsleep!
YANBU

Gileswithachainsaw · 14/10/2013 12:40

Yanbu. It's bloody selfish and just awful to Knowingly smoke whilst pregnant. You can't help what happens before you find out but once you do......

FlapJackOLantern · 14/10/2013 12:41

Keep your counsel to yourself and let her/them get on with it.

Some women smoke, some drink, some weightlift, some slob and some overeat. Just let them be with whatever they want.

PeppiNephrine · 14/10/2013 12:46

They're both fucking idiots. But there are a lot of them about so best to leave them to it and hope their stupidity doesn't have very bad outcomes....

pianodoodle · 14/10/2013 12:47

I think everyone knows the health risks by now so your mum is wrong there, obviously!

However, it's up to SIL what she does.

Original poster
cantsleep · 14/10/2013 12:52

I think DM said not to mention to dsis as whereas I would not say anything to sil as its her choice, dsis would probably have a go at her (she is very vocal and opinionated about most things!).

I know the risks of smoking in pregnancy but as I've never smoked and don't know how hard it is to give up I would never have a go at anybody who chooses to, I'd just avoid the subject.

I was really surprised at DM being so pro smoking in pregnancy and saying how brave sil is for not hiding away to do it !

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 14/10/2013 13:02

Would you mind if I said that your DM is a fool?

Because she is.

CoffeeTea103 · 14/10/2013 13:07

They both are selfish idiots.

CoffeeTea103 · 14/10/2013 13:07

They both are selfish idiots.

SaucyJack · 14/10/2013 13:09

Smoking in pregnancy is skanktastic. No excuses for it.

5madthings · 14/10/2013 13:19

You DM is being stupid but it is your sils choice.

Maybe she just thinks you and your sister shouldn't bitch about your sil.

Fwiw I stopped smoking when I got preg with ds1, didn't smoke for nine years, after ds4 I had post natal psychosis and spent time in a psych unit where I started smoking again. When I got oreg with no5 I was still smoking, I tried to stop but still had the odd one, I discussed it with ,y midwife, consultant and mental health team who all held the opinion that looking after my mental health was more important and that the odd cigarette was not a big deal. They said they were only concerned with those smoking more than ten a day, obviously they wouldn't encourage smoking and prefer that women stop but agreed its not always easy and it is a balancing act.

Original poster
cantsleep · 14/10/2013 13:23

I think what annoyed me the most was DMs mocking attitude to me about how I "made such a fuss about breathing in smoke" when I was pregnant.

DM had pointed out how all her pregnancies were relatively problem free and she smoked whereas I didn't and had problems and 2 mc.

OP posts:
StormyBrid · 14/10/2013 13:24

DM is probably ecstatic because SIL's choice to smoke validates DM's position. You know they're wrong, but there's no point stressing over it.

MrsGeologist · 14/10/2013 13:27

It's not like it's a big fucking conspiracy that it's harmful. It's a fact and if SIL doesn't want to even try giving up, then she should be prepared to have people questioning her behaviour.

FatPenguin · 14/10/2013 13:27

I hate it when smokers trot out the 'quitting would shock my body and harm the baby' line. I saw a girl on a programme about teenage pregnancy who said that she thought smoking was good for her baby as the smoke would 'help his lungs develop stronger' Hmm
Each to their own, but I think your DM is odd for encouraging SIL to smoke and odd for bragging about smoking through her own pregnancies.

OcadoSubstitutedMyHummus · 14/10/2013 13:38

Your DM is a deluded fool and I would find her attitude beyond infuriating on your shoes.

However assuming your SIL knows the risks then it would not be your sister's place to have a go.

So from that angle I can understand your DM wanting you not to go involve her.

Gileswithachainsaw · 14/10/2013 13:39

I remember that penguin

I don't think she finished filming either so we never found out if the baby was ok.

Original poster
cantsleep · 14/10/2013 13:42

Sil knows the risks, she said as she lit up that nobody was allowed to judge her. DM then constantly reassured her, mocked me for worrying when I was pregnant and hasn't stopped mentioning it since. I didn't say anything to sil as get on well with her and its not my business to tell her what she should or shouldn't do.

It is DM being so pleased about it that I can't understand.

OP posts:
HardFacedCareeristBitchNigel · 14/10/2013 13:47

Some women smoke, some drink, some weightlift, some slob and some overeat

Erm, excuse me but THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH WEIGHTLIFTING WHEN PREGNANT.

Thankyou

zatyaballerina · 14/10/2013 13:52

Well if you want your baby to be as healthy and strong as possible, you don't smoke when pregnant, if you aren't bothered by the lower amount of oxygen to you and your baby, the increased risk of miscarriage and stillbirth, the increased risk of the baby being born prematurely and/or born at a low birth weight and increased risk of the baby developing lung problems, then there's no reason for the smoker to stop.

Your sil is selfish and reckless, it's not illegal but neither is it admirable, common sense, safe or any other delusion that obsessive smokers may use to excuse it. Your mothers and sil are both idiots.

anon2013 · 14/10/2013 13:55

YANBU at all OP. My DM smoked whilst she was pregnant with me and I have asthma and my DSis smoked during her pregnancy and yes asthma again.

Mojavewonderer · 14/10/2013 14:11

I used to smoke but always have up when pregnant or trying to conceive I started smoking about a year after I have north and then stopped for good two years ago. I was always fussy about being around people that smoked when I was pregnant but I just went away from smokers (smell made me feel sick) I didn't run around telling everyone off for smoking near me or anything hehe that would just be silly.
Anywho if you smoke when your pregnant your a ninny and to encourage it is dumb.
Just ignore your mother she's being a fool.

SkinnybitchWannabe · 14/10/2013 14:13

Smoking whilst pregnant is vile.

Thants · 14/10/2013 14:15

It is your Sil choice but your dm is being ridiculous although I've heard others say the same thing. Have you informed your Dm of the facts? If you want to tell your sister then do. Your sil hasn't asked you not to.