To be slightly pissed off at this comment from dh regarding housework?

[Stillhopingstillhere]

I've been a sahm since ds was born so consequently all childcare and housework, cooking, ironing etc has been my responsibility. This is fine as dh works long hours. Anyway ds has started school now so I've started to look at going back to work. I mentioned to dh last night about a coupe of things I might apply for on top of the volunteering I'm doing at the moment. His response? As long as you can keep the house tidy and keep on top of the housework I don't mind what you do.

Aibu to think why should that be any more my job than his if we are both working?

Lweji red or white? Set me straight on the etiquette of testicle consumption...

I think I'd go more with white, but maybe we should consult Dr. Lecter about it. Or maybe a Pinot Grigio instead?

*I didn't have a job at the time and if I had, I think I'd have needed to leave or been sacked for absence.

You would have. Because you'd have to. And it might have worked as a distraction for you, as well as a way of offloading.*

I take your point about a job being a distraction and a place to offload, Lweji, but someone that has dc and relies on their partner providing childcare can't just carry on a job if their partner leaves and stops doing their share. They need childcare.

Anyway, sorry, this is a bit OT. Just wanted to make the point that both parties to a relationship with dc staying economically active doesn't necessarily mean you can just carry on as normal work-wise if the relationship ends.

That's assuming you rely on your partner for childcare.

My ex was actually the SAHP and I had to sort out childcare whilst still working.

If there are two working people, there should already be childcare arrangements in place.

Not if they work different hours around each other. So if the woman works evenings and her dh works days. They split, she can't work evenings anymore (except on the days her ex has the kids overnight) unless she can find evening childcare which isn't easy. Can't use a nursery or childminder. Makes things very hard.

Lweji, it's often like Justthisonce says. You have 2 parents in an interdependent relationship where they sort out childcare and work between them and then they split and it no longer works. Sometimes one parent gets the dc ready for school whilst the other leaves earlier for work, and then that arrangement falls apart. My ex became completely unreliable once he'd left.

Fine, there are lots of different situations, but it still doesn't invalidate that in general it is better to work in case one leaves.

Worst case, you're still left at home with no job - the same outcome as for SAHP. Best case, you have financial independence through a salary - much better outcome than for a SAHP, as the payscale is likely to be higher than for someone starting or restarting the career ladder.

This is even more important if we want to leave with the baby, particularly in situations of abuse.

I just don't feel people should be living their lives around the chance that a relationship will end. You need to do what works best for yourselves and your dc, whatever that may be.

But you will have noticed that a relationship break up is not the only thing that can happen.
Unemployment, accident, illness, death.

I'm not disputing being a sahm while children are little, but as a choice for life, I wouldn't be comfortable with it unless the H earned millions and I got a nice allowance and/or divorce settlement.

In the vast majority of marriages, a successful marriage means both people are working roughly the same number of hours a day. Across the board, women are working more than men. We should all be outraged about this. Feminism wasn't founded so that women could work outside the home AND carry on doing everything inside the home.

There are some cases where it makes sense to outsource (high-earners) and still some more rare cases where one person (usually the man) becomes a super-high flyer and it makes little sense for the other partner to spend a relatively large fraction of their time on tasks that can be outsourced for a completely insignificant sum of money relative to the family budget. Frankly I see this more as a class issue than a marriage issue.

I think a major source of tension between women is the way in which life unfolds for the working class and the middle/upwards class after kids go back to school. It's a pretty easy life being a SAHM of school-aged kids, and I think to say otherwise is just silly.

Feminism wasn't founded so that women could work outside the home AND carry on doing everything inside the home.

Indeed.