To be slightly pissed off at this comment from dh regarding housework?

[Stillhopingstillhere]

I've been a sahm since ds was born so consequently all childcare and housework, cooking, ironing etc has been my responsibility. This is fine as dh works long hours. Anyway ds has started school now so I've started to look at going back to work. I mentioned to dh last night about a coupe of things I might apply for on top of the volunteering I'm doing at the moment. His response? As long as you can keep the house tidy and keep on top of the housework I don't mind what you do.

Aibu to think why should that be any more my job than his if we are both working?

[motherinferior]

Well, it seems to be associated with the inability to pick up a hoover, so in that case I'd call it an affliction, really. Alert! Y-Chromomal Housework Deficiency!

[JustThisOnceOrTwiceOrThrice]

Op. So have you discussed this further with your dh?

[ScaryFucker]

Op is long gone

[Lweji]

housework does not count as physical activity strenuous enough to protect your health

It depends. Filling up and emptying the dishwasher and the washing machine isn't.

Waxing wooden floors or vigorously cleaning windows is.

And with any luck the vagina afflicted person would become capable of giving the lazy penis afflicted person a good kicking up his arse.
Wax on, wax off. Wax on, wax off.

[Lweji]

I didn't have a job at the time and if I had, I think I'd have needed to leave or been sacked for absence.

You would have. Because you'd have to. And it might have worked as a distraction for you, as well as a way of offloading.

I left exH due to DV and I was working. It was not an easy time, but I got on with work.
You'd have too.

[Thants]

Married. 5 hours is a lot! And what do you mean by you do admin? Paying bills? You and your partner should still be equally sharing any house duties though. You both live there so you have the same responsibilities.

[GrandstandingBlueTit]

Well, it is an affliction if it means pushing a Hoover round is a complete impossibility...?!

Just like it would be an affliction if a woman refused to put petrol in the car purely because she's a woman.

And still no comment on why women should just get on with housework, and men shouldn't lift a finger........

[JustThisOnceOrTwiceOrThrice]

Grand. Did someone actually say that?!

[GrandstandingBlueTit]

Married said:

"Why is it such an issue to keep a house a clean and tidy. It isn't hard, it doesn't take long and it really isn't a bit deal. I can do it standing on my head. With or without a cleaner. Why is it such an issue and why does it create such bitterness. Most people could have a place spotless in the time it takes to complain about it."

And has spent the rest of the thread defending the fact that her husband does absolutely no housework at all. None.

And still doesn't explain why she keeps the cleaner on, if it's that easy, and that enjoyable 'looking after everyone'.

So essentially, yes.

And frankly, in my world, you have no credibility if you genuinely think that! And again, I say this as someone who has an au pair and a cleaner, whose husband helps out, and who loathes housework.

[GrandstandingBlueTit]

I do WOH, by the way.

[marriedinwhiteisback]

I don't think I've been quite that personally rude about anyone on the thread grandstanding including you. I'm awfully glad you have an au-pair and an cleaner and that you work outside the home and that your husband does half of all the chores. Not so glad that your regard him as afflicted - does he know? Will he stay? I have tried to have a reasoned argument without resorting to insult. What a pity you can't.

[VeryStressedMum]

Think very carefully about going back to work as you may end up doing everything yourself. Can you afford to not work?
If my dh said that to me i wouldn't be working as I know what would be in store for me!!!

[louwn]

Oooh I am messy, believe me! I imagine a child would probably be less so (DH hopes so )

[ScaryFucker]

I disagree, VSM. I would think very carefully about remaining financially dependent on such a man.

[Allthreerolledintoone]

Agree it's very stressful working and running a home.

[JustThisOnceOrTwiceOrThrice]

Grand. Thanks for the highlights! Had lost the gist of what was going on.

I didn't realise married had a cleaner. You can't really go on about how quick and easy it is to keep a house clean when you have a cleaner!

[merrymouse]

I don't think grand does think her husband is afflicted. Men who as you say make a "big issue out of keeping a house clean and tidy" perhaps are.

Plenty of women have high flying stressful jobs without needing a stay at home wife to look after them.

[VeryStressedMum]

I know what you're saying scary, but the toll it can take working and holding everything together can't be underestimated. I know, I worked (full time) and held absolutely everything together (lone parent 3 dcs) and it made me so I'll and stressed..and I didn't have the added stress of being resentful of a man who lives in my house but does nothing!!!

[ScaryFucker]

The solution then, VSM, is not to put yourself at the financial mercy of an inherently sexist and entitled man but to make sure you are able to support yourself. It's not to give up your future employability so that you can reduce his stress at the expense of your own.

[Thants]

Housework is a boring, time consuming, thankless and difficult task. I don't think pretending it's easy is helpful here. The point is 2 pairs of hands are better than one and the two of you are a partnership. You live there together and care about each other so should want to help each other!
I think it is a huge issue that women are brought up thinking they should be helping and caring and men are brought up expecting to be helped and cared for, that's bullshit and needs to change. Demand equality. Don't be walked over.

[GrandstandingBlueTit]

That's the point though, married, my husband isn't afflicted. He doesn't think a Hoover and a dishcloth is beneath him. He helps out with the kids. And I don't think I'm particularly lucky, I think this is what I'm entitled to, from a life partner.

And you still haven't ventured an explanation for why you think housework is that easy that women should just get in with it, while men don't have to.

I take it from that that you realise it was an irrational and unfair statement. Especially since you have a cleaner to help you (and your husband) with it all.

I apologise if you think I'm being rude, but I honestly do think that attitudes like yours are slightly insidious (i'm sorry, i feel bad saying that, but it is honestly how i feel) and part of the reason that there is so much societal pressure on women to behave in certain ways and do so much more than their fair share. It's not right. It's great if it suits your personal partnership, but you can't be so blinkered as to think it should suit everyone, and if it doesn't, they're being unreasonable.

[motherinferior]

What Thants said. And Granstanding.

And I stick by my point that my working hours enable my partner to work his. If I had to do his share of the housework on top, I'd be really pissed off.

(BTW I think penises and I've known plenty in my time are perfectly splendid in their place. Or places, obviously, depending on what fries your own onion.)

[pointyfangs]

Seconding and thirding what Thants and Granstanding and motherinferior said. My DH and I both work and have always shared housework, but believe me if he had ever said to me what the OP's DH said to her, he'd have had his testicles served to him on an immaculately polished silver plate, with a perfect sprig of parsley and a slice of lemon.

[merrymouse]

You haven't had a reasoned argument though married. You still haven't addressed the contradiction that housework is apparently so easy that a wife should be able to to it standing on her head, yet so hard that when a man comes home from work he shouldn't face anything more taxing than a pipe and slippers.

[Lweji]

pointyfangs
And some Chianti? ;)