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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be cross with people who think their bags and coats need a seat.

73 replies

Caitlin17 · 13/10/2013 21:26

Title says it all. I think it's the height of rudeness in a crowded train, bus, cinema, airport terminal etc, etc to keep your bags and coats on a chair when people are standing.

And then compound it by getting all huffy and flouncy when asked "Is this seat taken?"

OP posts:
McFox · 13/10/2013 21:30

Oh yes! I delighted in homing in on these people and telling them to move their stuff, it pisses me right off!

happydaze77 · 13/10/2013 21:31

YANBU. Selfish f@&rs - especially the crafty ones that take an aisle seat, then put their laptop bags on the seat by the window, to make it even more difficult for you to take the 'spare' seat. I just make a point of asking to sit there, just to pee them off.

usualsuspect · 13/10/2013 21:32

I find most people are happy to move their stuff if you ask.

FloozeyLoozey · 13/10/2013 21:35

Just ask them to move the stuff. Problem solved.

YoureBeingADick · 13/10/2013 21:36

YABU

  1. because getting cross doesn't improve the situation so it is pointless other than giving you a bad feeling in your head.

  2. they don't do it to make you cross

  3. most will move stuff if you ask them to. whether they do it huffily or not doesn't matter as long as you get a seat does it?

PomBearWithAnOFRS · 13/10/2013 21:36

I ask, once, and if they don't move their stuff I sit on it. To be fair, one look at the size of my arse and they generally do move their things Grin - it would take one hell of a tough bag to survive me sitting on it Grin

AtiaoftheJulii · 13/10/2013 21:38

Got on a busy train once and a woman had a load of food spread out on the seat next to her. Asked to please use the seat and she asked me how far I was going!

MorrisZapp · 13/10/2013 21:39

Drives me mad. Lots of people won't consider asking people to move their stuff, they're shy or whatever. Or they simply don't notice that there's a spare seat, as the just see the outside seats full. Sometimes I do say 'there's a seat there' if I see somebody standing.

Shenanagins · 13/10/2013 21:39

Just politely ask them to move it, no big deal.

Mintyy · 13/10/2013 21:43

Its a bit thoughtless but there was probably plenty of space when they sat down and absentmindedly put their things down next to them.

I am way more irritated at the idea that a grown adult would be too hesitant to simply open their mouth and ask to use the seat.

MogTheForgetfulCat · 13/10/2013 21:44

But why do they do it? How unaware would you have to be on a crowded train or whatever to put your bag on a seat when it's clear someone will need it? Yes, of course you can politely ask them to move it, but it's irritating to have to. I know travelling on public transport can be stressful, and we'd all like to have an empty seat next to us for a bit of quiet and privacy (relatively speaking) - I sometimes think, "I don't really want to sit next to you, either - but I do want a blardy seat!" Grrrr.

manicinsomniac · 13/10/2013 21:49

YANBU when it is crowded. Terribly rude behaviou, not everyone is confident enough to ask someone to move their things.

I do it when there are plenty of other seats though. I like having my stuff next to me and don't see a problem with it. Someone can still ask me to move it if they really feel they want that particular seat.

I remember reading on here ages ago about a poster who deliberately looks for bags on seats and picks those to sit in even if surrounded by empty seats. And she doesn't ask either, she just sits. If people react quickly and grab their stuff then all is well but if not she sits on it. Now that is far more unreasonable imo!

I live in fear of meeting that woman on a train (ok, hyperbole, but I do think about it occasionally!)

TheBookofRuth · 13/10/2013 21:50

I never ask. I just head straight for the seat, making it clear I'm going to sit on it and it's up to them whether they move their stuff or not.

YoureBeingADick · 13/10/2013 21:50

it's not irritating to have to ask! Confused you have to ask for things throughout day to day life. it's not an inconvenience to say " could I have this seat please" just as it's not inconvenient to say "excuse me" to get past someone who is standing in the way of where you want to walk.

people take on too much unnecessary negative feeling for no reason. they really do.

Original poster
Caitlin17 · 13/10/2013 21:51

To clarify, "cross" is perhaps putting it too strongly. And of course I ask them if the seat is free . It just puzzles me why so many people are happy to ignore people standing and make no effort until they are asked.

If I'm in the person sitting down I move my bags long before all seats are taken.

OP posts:
TheBookofRuth · 13/10/2013 21:52

Ha, cross post! I am not the woman in the post above, as I wouldn't do that if there were other seats available. But if on a crowded train you've been rude enough to take up a seat with your stuff, then yes, I will sit on it if you don't move it.

PresidentServalan · 13/10/2013 22:00

I get panicky if someone sits next to me so I do that on a quiet bus - purely to discourage someone from doing it. however if it is crowded I will get up and stand by the door.

MogTheForgetfulCat · 13/10/2013 22:05

Well, it irritates me - just as being told that the way I feel about something isn't valid does. I travel on an always-crowded train 3 days a week, and I find people's selfishness in this regard irritating.

BillyBanter · 13/10/2013 22:11

I always put my shopping bag on the seat. It slides off my knees and the floor is often got spills or food or whatever. Angry And it's just easier to have it on the seat next to me. But if the bus starts filling up I reluctantly move it in case someone wants the seat.

Some people will do it deliberately to deter people but some will just be lost in their own thoughts and not realise.

Just ask and if they act all huffy stab them with their M&S asparagus tips.

LayMizzRarb · 13/10/2013 22:17

I normally put my bag on the seat next to me, because in have a nice leather bag and the floor is filthy. I move it if I see someone coming towards my seat. For those of you who feel the need to specifically head to seats where someone has put a bag; good luck to you if it makes you feel superior and empowered but FWIW, IMO it is a bit unhinged.

YoureBeingADick · 13/10/2013 22:19

it's only selfish if they refuse to move their stuff after being asked. it's not selfish to put stuff there if no-one is needing the seat initially.

TheBookofRuth · 13/10/2013 22:20

Once you see the train/bus filling up, move your damn bag! The seats are for people!

BillyBanter · 13/10/2013 22:21

It does seem a bit silly. Oh look there is a seat beside a bagless person and there is a seat beside someone with shopping bags on the seat next to them. I WILL SIT THERE and make them wedge their bags between their knees and the seat in front. Socking it to the man. Go me. That'll learn 'em.

Donkeyok · 13/10/2013 22:25

When I coming back from overnight in London I take up the seat next to me while I sort out my bag, packed dinner to eat books, glasses, phone charger etc. Ive found you can move your stuff at the right time you can get a skinny person with a lap top sit next to you. If I dont move it fast enough I'll get the largest person eating a burger and wanting to chat loudly down their phone always sit next to me. Karma

Original poster
Caitlin17 · 13/10/2013 22:27

I would not go for the seat with a bag if there were empty. Seats. It is perfectly fine to put your bags on a seat but you should move them as the train / bus fills up, not just when you're asked. I have no difficulty asking but not everyone is ok with it.

Sorry I don't buy the "might be too wrapped up in their own thoughts to notice" excuse. We're in a train not a Buddhist retreat.

OP posts:
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