Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

to ask what 'black culture' is because apparently I should know

82 replies

flaquark · 11/10/2013 18:09

I was out today and bumped into someone I went to school with. We did all the 'what you up to?' and all that.
Anyway she said that I must be looking forward to having a kid that I can share "our black culture with"
I just nodded and we said bye and that was it

But seriously what the hell in 'Black Culture' because I have no idea and obviously according to her I should know what it is.

Obviously that one skipped me by

OP posts:

Brokensoul · 11/10/2013 18:10

????????

charitygirl · 11/10/2013 18:11

Are you black?

Original poster

flaquark · 11/10/2013 18:12

Yes charity I am. As is she. My DP isnt (neither are my parents)

OP posts:

mumblechum1 · 11/10/2013 18:17

I've had this occasionally by well meaning acquaintances; dh is black but born in Scotland and DS obv. mixed race (tho calls himself black which is fine, of course). Once gave an interview to a trainee social worker who asked if I could be her guinea pig for an essay and she wrote that dh had "rejected his black heritage" which was a bit weird as he never knew any black people outside his mum and brother growing up in a very white area, and still doesn't have any black friends, he has no clue about black culture. The only thing he notices is that sometimes in big cities other black people will make a point of saying "hello brother" or something.

Maybe you should ask your friend what she means next time?

charitygirl · 11/10/2013 18:18

Ok, well I'm not black, so I would NOT feel comfortable telling someone who is what I think 'black culture' is, or guessing what your friend might have meant.

But you must be aware that race, ethnicity, and cultural background are bound up together more for some people than others? I have white and black friends with mixed race children and they do think about their identity/heritage/how their children's experiences will be different to theirs etc.

Maybe she was referring to that kind of thing? Sorry, I couldn't say any mre than that. Do you feel you have culturally distinct experiences living in a majority white country?

pinkmagic1 · 11/10/2013 18:19

Considering black people originate from so many different countries, regions and are of various different religions I really can't see how there can be one defining culture. Yanbu.

TidyDancer · 11/10/2013 18:20

Are either of you not British? I'm wondering if she possibly meant the culture where you are from? I have no idea otherwise!

zatyaballerina · 11/10/2013 18:21

Some people are very stupid, unfortunately that's not suprising.

Original poster

flaquark · 11/10/2013 18:27

mumble I havent seen her in many year, not friends just went to school with each other.
No both British tidy

OP posts:

breatheslowly · 11/10/2013 18:28

I agree with pinkmagic - presumably there is a huge diversity within people defining themselves as black, just as there is within the white population (or probably any ethnic "group").

AmberLeaf · 11/10/2013 18:34

Maybe she was being sarcastic/nasty about 1. you having grown up with white parents or 2. you having a white partner [if she knows you have a white partner?]

poppingin1 · 11/10/2013 18:54

Recently there was a thread asking if it was OK to call someone a 'black man'. This is exactly why I believe it is not.

Some disagree with me, but this is the issue it presents, the idea that African/Caribbean people are this massive homogeneous group. It creates this idea of 'black culture' which is very detrimental to people of African/Caribbean heritage as it doesn't give room to be seen as individuals. Nor does it allow for the fact that 'black' people come from many different parts of the world with different cultural backgrounds and personal circumstances. So of course it makes sense that now OP is having a baby people may assume she will be sharing this false thing that is called 'black culture' with her child.

Sorry to bring up another thread OP, this one just links into that topic IMO.

flipchart · 11/10/2013 19:01

Well if you watch some of the music channels you would be forgiven for thinking it was about 'guns, bitches and bling' which it clearly isn't but the music industry like to promote this image!

RevelsRoulette · 11/10/2013 19:08

Can't help you. My husband is black and Kenyan (Kikuyu) and he doesn't have a clue either.

We have talked about it, apparently we are supposed to ensure our children embrace their culture but neither of us have a clue how that is actually achieved and those that tell us how important it is go surprisingly silent when asked what they suggest we actually do. People talk about culture and heritage but don't actually quantify it. To embrace your culture you do X. To understand your heritage you do Y. So we decided we'd just get on with life instead.

KirjavaTheCorpse · 11/10/2013 19:23

Indeed. My health visitor is very keen to know what I'm doing to encourage DS' knowledge of his 'black culture'.

I asked her for clarification actually, and all she could come up with was that he gets the chance to try lots of African food at home. Neither DP or any of his family are African. He explained that his family are from Guyana. She didn't seem to know any Guyanese cuisine so couldn't impart any vital advice after that

flipchart · 11/10/2013 19:24

On the college course that I am we covered this last year.
We were doing about looked after children and had a case study of a Jamaican girl and how residential workers were supposed to encourage her to embrace her heritage.
The model answer included giving her a history lesson on the slave trade and taking her to a hairdressers that specialises in afro hair as well as making sure she knew what goat curry and ackee was!

PrincessFlirtyPants · 11/10/2013 19:30

at taking her to a hairdressers that specialises in afro hair as well as making sure she knew what goat curry and ackee was!

FlobberWobber · 11/10/2013 19:36

DD is mixed race (Asian/white), her biological father who is ethnically Asian has never met her. she was born in the UK and DH, who is white Irish has been her Dad since she was 18 months.
We have 2 more DC & DH has adopted her (she's now 11) but whilst going through the adoption procedure SS made us assure them DD would have the chance to learn about her cultural background....
Her biological father wasn't even brought up in the country of his ethnic origin!!!!

RevelsRoulette · 11/10/2013 19:43

HA! Kirjava. Reminds me of my HV who noticed we'd cut our then 4 week old baby's hair and asked if it was cultural. I said no, it was in his eyes [boggle]

Mind you, she's the one who when told my husband was from Kenya, told us all about her trips to sri lanka (I think it was) and then about how she'd worn saris.

I mean, WTF? I truly had no words. No words at all.

African culture and the whole Africa as a country really pisses me off. There's hundreds of bloody countries in Africa. It's a continent. Countless cultures. There's no such thing as African language, African dress, African patterns (an argument I had with my kids school!) etc.

Such kind of talk betrays a startling ignorance.

RevelsRoulette · 11/10/2013 19:45

cultures not countries.

womma · 11/10/2013 20:01

DH is mixed African British and he has no idea either. Is it something that doesn't really exist?!

kiriwawa · 11/10/2013 20:05

Ha! She sounds like the white woman in my tutorial group at uni who told my black friend that she ought to listen to reggae to `get in touch with her roots'.

My friend was born in Nigeria

RevelsRoulette · 11/10/2013 20:13

Wouldn't you love to be inside their head for a bit just to find out how the hell this stuff makes sense to them?

One of the funniest was in the pub. Bloke asks my husband where he's from, he tells him Kenya, bloke says oh, I know someone from nigeria (or somewhere, never can remember. Memory like a sieve ) My husband laughed at him and said that's like me asking where you're from and when you tell me England, I tell you I know someone from Poland.

CreatureRetorts · 11/10/2013 20:13

YANBU

It's akin to saying there's a white culture.

Black can mean you come from Nigeria, Jamaica, England.... I'm being simplistic but you try telling even a Nigerian that they have the same culture as a Ghanaian!

NotQuiteCockney · 11/10/2013 20:21

Black culture is a special kind of yogurt. HTH.

Seriously, people use 'Black' like it's a nationality, rather than an ethniciy.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread