..to think that it would have been much better to teach me how to cook, clean and do laundry

[idiuntno57]

...rather than get a degree and postgraduate qualifications to pursue a career.

Because as soon as you have more than a couple of kids so many compromises need to be made that sustaining the family/career balance properly whilst remaining sane is almost impossible.

This isn't a man versus women debate (though usually things do default around gender lines) but a what's the point of creating aspirations which aren't sustainable in the real world?

Now if all I knew were home making skills then perhaps I'd feel less frustrated sometimes.

NB I realise that if I'd learnt more about contraception I might not be having this 'what's it all about' wobble

meant to say that I am not entirely SAHM but the work I do always has to fit in around family and is probably more to keep me sane than have a valid contribution to family finances

Nonsense

Yanbu. I totally agree.
But I think many will disagree...

Get a cleaner?

Is there some special reason you can't do both?

It's not that the aspirations are unsustainable, but that as a society we seem to have stopped valuing homemaking skills and parenting skills for what they are - incredible contributions to making peoples lives much, much better. This leads to people who provide those things feeling dismissed, unappreciated, and worth less than their workplace counterparts. That's what needs to change, out appreciation and understanding of the perfectly valid choice to stay at home - it is not second best, far from it.

YABU

Those of us who are single parents have no choice but to have careers and family at the same time. Lack of choice makes you realise that things work perfectly well when they have to. Cooking, cleaning and laundry are very very secondary in my world. If they happen, great. If they don't - meh, money is more important and a good career is key to that.

Oh, and talk to your DP about priorities and who does what. 50/50 is what we do.

Couldn't you have learned both? I have a postgrad, I can also scrub the skirting boards.

No, YABU. Laundry can be figured out as a student. Now sewing on the other hand! I took Latin rather than Home Ec - I know what would be more valuable to me now!

The problem is though that it's not so much being taught how to do those things. I can clean and do laundry but it's boring so I put it off! Theyre not really skills that can be taught.

Cooking is slightly different.

It is so so difficult to maintain a career and manage a large family. Running a household is very tiring and something that always needs doing. The thinking involved is the hard bit. Throw into that a professional job with responsibilities and you become a breakdown waiting to happen.

It is not either or, is it. People with careers also know how to cook, clean and do laundry. Am I missing something? Or is your real point to say an education is not useful and you would have been better off having life skills only? PUZZLED.

My grandmother taught Home Economics up till the very early 80's.

When I visited her at school there were laundry lessons, needlework, baby lessons with real babies, home cooking lessons where they learnt all the basics.

Unfortunately there isn't time for that now and society has moved on to a lot of that stuff being contracted out and the mass availability of cheap food and clothing.

But the lessons were fab for a lot of young women in the community she worked in - they were going to have babies early, they were going to need to produce meals cheaply.

NB, lessons were for boys too

I feel your frustration.

But do you honestly feel that not having any knowledge or skills apart from homemaking would magically make you feel satisfied with your life?

Or that women/girls should not be given the chance at that kind of academic education just because our society at the moment makes it difficult for them to have both a career and a family?

Welcome to the fifties....

Women then did not feel happy and fulfilled by not having an education. they felt pissed off.

Hmm.

What is the point of NOT creating aspirations? I would rather grow up having the ability to pick and choose what I learn and when I learn it, rather than ignoring my interests and solely concentrating on "houseperson" duties.

Also, if I had a child, I'd like to think my knowledge would be beneficial to them. If all I knew was how to iron, bake a cake and order the house, I would be infinitely jealous of the people who know and encourage more learning beyond the house.

I agree though that young people should be taught life skills. Cooking basic meals from scratch, ironing, washing, shopping to a budget. Yes not exciting stuff, but valuable for both men and women their whole life.

quote technically it would be possible to do both. It would cost more than it would bring in and I am not sure whether either would be done well (and I would personally question the point of having the kids if I rarely saw them) so practically it is a nogoer.

If all i had expected to do was this and could do it brilliantly then possibly I wouldn't question it.

Most working women I know feel frazzled and stressed with running a home and having a stressful job.

Its not technically possible, its entirely possible. Lots of us do it every single day.
You're being a bit Socrates pig about it all, aren't you?

Presumably you'd be teaching the boys as well so those dads who work PT / stay at home know how to switch a washer on?

I think the key phrase there is "more than a couple of kids". Realistically, unless you have an incredible support network or you are a high-flyer and can pay for domestic help and childcare, you can't really have a large family and pursue a career. It's just too much for one person.

The way our current society is structured, women who want it all either have to find a partner who supports that ambition, have a great support network, or earn enough to pay for outside help in the form of a nanny (because nurseries/CMs simply can't cover childcare water-tight enough because of rules on sickness, etc).

This leaves many ordinary families in ordinary jobs choosing to sacrifice one parent's potential (usually the woman's) in order to maximise the higher earner's income (usually the man) and to allow someone to assume main responsibility for all things domestic because they don't have that support network or can't afford paid help.

I don't think women should suck that up though. I think society should change.

I think it should be explained to schoolchildren - of both genders of course - how much work is involved in running a home and having children, so they know what they're in for.

And with any luck it would encourage them to discuss it early on in their relationships, and prevent it mostly/all falling on the woman's shoulders.

My family placed huge value and importance on education and I have a post grad degree. I was also taught to cook, clean, sew, put up shelves,maintain my car etc.

I was a SAHM while my children were small and now they are at school I've picked up my career.

I work very hard now but not harder than when I was a SAHM.

If I do say so myself I did a pretty good job as a SAHM both with the house and the kids. It didn't stop me wanting to go back to work when they started school.

I'm all for parents teaching their children of either sex how to cook and clean and do laundry. Without all the paperwork and whatnot that would be involved if school did it.
Both of mine can do it, DD is better at making meals, DS is an excellent baker. They both know how to hoover, clean bathrooms and kitchens and the basics of home decorating.
DD taught herself to sew with a machine, DS learned at college.
OH is a very basic cook, but is good at laundry and DIY.
We've also fitted in degrees and jobs.