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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this a little odd regarding a night out.

83 replies

drivingmisslazy · 07/10/2013 17:30

Not the most outgoing person, but started a new job and got chatting to someone and in conversation we both said we loved Indians and so do our partners, she casually mentioned we will all have to go out for a meal one day. Good I thought, so we arranged it for this Friday, got a text from her today and she said, "do you mind if I invite another couple, they are friends of ours"?

TBH I was really looking forward to going out the 4 of us, as its the first time I hardly know her and thought it would be nice to get to chat, also DH is incredible shy when he first meets someone new.

I text back that's fine as did not want to come across as (cant think of the word).

But AIBU in feeling this is a bit odd.

OP posts:
Oblomov · 07/10/2013 17:35

I hate it when people do this.
Are we not enough? Not good enough? Is what you feel like saying.

Original poster
drivingmisslazy · 07/10/2013 17:37

Yes that's it oblomov, I just have visions of sitting at the table while the other 2 women chat while I struggle to join in. A few meetings down the line, but not the first night out.

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 07/10/2013 17:37

What a pessimistic way to look at it.

She could easily just think you're fabulous and be dying to introduce you around or add you to a marvellous friendship group.

I'd look on it as a compliment - even if I'm factually wrong it's still better for your self esteem Grin

jennycoast · 07/10/2013 17:37

It might just be that she thinks you'd all really get along well together.

mewmeow · 07/10/2013 17:39

What lauriefairycakes said Smile

diaimchlo · 07/10/2013 17:41

At least she asked you first, would have been rude not to.

SugarMiceInTheRain · 07/10/2013 17:41

I don't think it's that odd, as I have friends who do this. Many people just think 'the more, the merrier' with regard to social occasions, particularly if they are quite laid back and find socialising with others easy. I'm sure no slight to you was meant and she is just unaware that your DH is shy and will find it awkward. If you go along and find it difficult, you are under no obligation to go on future nights out with them.

motherinferior · 07/10/2013 17:41

I love introducing my friends to each other.
Perhaps she does too.

gobbynorthernbird · 07/10/2013 17:41

I think that's a very negative way to view it. It could be that she thinks you'll get on with her friend, or they don't have an infinite number of nights out so want to see their friends as they'll be out anyway, or maybe they're a bit shy too and think an extra couple will help keep the conversation going.

humphryscorner · 07/10/2013 17:41

Two things could be going on here :-

  1. she thinks its going to be hard work and is bringing reinforcements

  2. She thinks you and her friend will get on fantastic and wants to introduce.

take your pic!

Original poster
drivingmisslazy · 07/10/2013 17:41

Thanks Laurie, that is a good way to look at it. Afraid I have always been the glass is half empty kind of girl.

OP posts:
gobbynorthernbird · 07/10/2013 17:42

Or what Laurie said so much better than I did.

AnaisB · 07/10/2013 17:43

TBH I don't think it's odd - but obviously I understand why you'd prefer it if it's just the four of you if you are not very outgoing and your DH is quite shy. I wouldn't be insulted as I'd see it as her inviting me into her social circle.

limitedperiodonly · 07/10/2013 17:43

It isn't odd. She just thought you might enjoy their company. She's not to know that you and DH are shy.

Explain if you want but don't be surprised if it spooks her. I understand what you're saying but I I'd find it a bit too much of a responsibility for a casual night out.

Cancel if you want. Or go along. You might like it. If not, well, it's just one night.

Buglugs · 07/10/2013 17:43

Maybe she or her dh is a bit shy and prefers to be in a slightly larger group.

I don't think it's odd, and at least she asked first. Just try to look at it as positive thing.

AnaisB · 07/10/2013 17:44

X post with everyone (seems I'm a slow typer).

DameDeepRedBetty · 07/10/2013 17:45

I doubt she realises that your DH finds it hard to get comfortable around new people, and that you are socially a little bit shy too. Maybe you come over as more self confident than you feel!

Go, try to enjoy it - they could be lovely after all. And maybe have a prearranged phone call for say 9.30 ish, from the baby sitter or a friend/relative which you can turn into 'So sorry, we'll have to go, bit of an emergency with the baby' if things are really uncomfortable.

CaptainSweatPants · 07/10/2013 17:47

You & dh have a large g & t before you go & you'll be fine

Oblomov · 07/10/2013 17:53

It's fine to do. But not on a first meeting.
New colleague. OP has only just started there. Husbands have never met before.
She may well think that OP might get on well with her other friend. What a nice gesture.
But you don't do it on the first time.

RedPencils · 07/10/2013 18:01

I'd be a bit annoyed, but I think I'm a glass half empty kind of girl too.
Having said that my social life is utterly dire so I'd be pleased just to have a night out.

jasminerose · 07/10/2013 18:04

I would do this but I wouldnt see a problem tbh.

motherinferior · 07/10/2013 18:05

In all honesty if your DH is madly shy it's probably easier if there are other people rather than awkward silences...

motherinferior · 07/10/2013 18:06

It's a Friday night curry not a swingers' eveningGrin

meganorks · 07/10/2013 18:11

Don't think it is odd. Wouldn't at all bother me if someone did this. Its not a date! I'm imagining your colleague mentioned she was going out for curry, friend says hasn't been for curry in ages, colleague says why don't you come along...

Bowlersarm · 07/10/2013 18:20

It's not odd. Quite a compliment as she wants to introduce you to her friends.

However I hate it when this happens. I'd like to socialise with a work colleague and husband but have enough people in my life that I don't particularly want to meet people I'll probably never see again. I'd rather just concentrate on a relationship with my new work mate.

However if you hit it off with both couples it would be a ready made social group, so could be a positive experience.