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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find this a little odd regarding a night out.

83 replies

drivingmisslazy · 07/10/2013 17:30

Not the most outgoing person, but started a new job and got chatting to someone and in conversation we both said we loved Indians and so do our partners, she casually mentioned we will all have to go out for a meal one day. Good I thought, so we arranged it for this Friday, got a text from her today and she said, "do you mind if I invite another couple, they are friends of ours"?

TBH I was really looking forward to going out the 4 of us, as its the first time I hardly know her and thought it would be nice to get to chat, also DH is incredible shy when he first meets someone new.

I text back that's fine as did not want to come across as (cant think of the word).

But AIBU in feeling this is a bit odd.

OP posts:
mrsmellow · 07/10/2013 18:23

I would do this and think nothing of it. Blush it is useful to get a different perspective!
I like to see as many friends as possible at once. We are really busy so its a kind of multitasking and it would not have occured to me that anyone would find it rude, sorry. And love making new friends and probably incorrectly assume everyone else does too.

emsyj · 07/10/2013 18:24

Oh god I do this all the time Blush - invite people to tag along. I had no idea people might think it odd/rude/annoying.

Grennie · 07/10/2013 18:28

I have a friend who does this a lot. I hate it too. She thinks, the more the merrier. But she never actually thinks of the combinations of people, and whether they will get on. So she turns what could be a fun night, into a night of stilted conversation between people that have nothing in common.

LaQueenForADay · 07/10/2013 18:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NuggetofPurestGreen · 07/10/2013 18:29

This would really annoy me OP. I know she asked you in advance but you were hardly in a position to say no. But I'm not sure if it's odd as such as plenty of other people (including people on this thread!) seem to think it's perfectly fine Smile

My friend is always bringing extra people along when I arrange to meet her and I've told her it drives me mad and she still does it!!

neepsandtatties · 07/10/2013 18:30

I think it's rather nice - a chance to meet more people! We made some 'new' friends (moved to new area) and they invited us out and also invited some of their other friends. I thought it was extremely thoughtful of them to want to help us settle by introducing their friends to us.

Grennie · 07/10/2013 18:30

LaQueen - Are you my friend? :)

PeppiNephrine · 07/10/2013 18:31

Not the most outgoing person, but started a new job and got chatting to someone and in conversation we both said we loved Indians and so do our partners, she casually mentioned we will all have to go out for a meal one day

Is there a word missing here or a typo? we both love indian food, maybe? Because thats totally different.....

kennyp · 07/10/2013 18:32

sounds like a good night out to me to be honest. unless the other couple are right drips and she owes them a night out and is killling two birds with one stone. ooh - the mystery thickens.

NuggetofPurestGreen · 07/10/2013 18:32

"the more the merrier"

I agree with Sheldon from Big Bang Theory on this: "that's a false equivalency, more does not equal merry, if there were 2,000 people in this apartment right now, would we be celebrating? No, we’d be suffocating." Grin

EastwickWitch · 07/10/2013 18:35

I think you should see it as a compliment.
She obviously likes you enough to introduce you to her friends.
I bet you have a lot of fun.

Corygal · 07/10/2013 18:36

It should cheer you up - the chance to meet new people is not to be passed over lightly, esp when the new friend obv thinks you are great. Enjoy your evening with Wine

Thisisaeuphemism · 07/10/2013 18:40

It would annoy me op!

The less the lovelier.

I'd rather it was just me and dh- I'm really antisocial I think.

Oblomov · 07/10/2013 18:43

I like both groups and one-to-one's.

The last time, I was cross that this happened to me was :

I have a friend who is from My PN group. Sometimes we meet one-to-one, sometimes just 2 or 3 of us, sometimes all 6.

She phoned to ask if I wanted to meet up. She and I have 2 boys the same age. I told ds1. He was so excited.

On the day, she text to say that she had invited 2 of the PN group. This made me a bit cross.
They went on to invite 2 other friends from ds2's nursery. This was all fine with me - I knew everyone. Both my ds's knew everyone.
But ds1 was gutted because he just wanted to play minecraft with her ds.
And my ds2 knew everyone. But her ds2 did not. And she seemed a bit upset that her ds2 was a bit left out.

But I felt that was a bit unfair. And I love meeting as a group. But she asked as a one-to-one and that is how I explained it to ds1.

If you like groups. Great. I do.
If you like one-to-one's. Great. I do.
But if someone invites you. And you think it is a one-to-one, 'dinner' , where lets be honest it is more intense, closer, discuss things more intimately.

Than a group, which is louder, more fun, talking to different people. Talking as a group, about all sorts of things. That you all have in common.
= Totally different thing.

And if you think you are getting one thing, and accept, and then it turns out to be something else. Out of your control. Then I think that is a bit unfair.

NuggetofPurestGreen · 07/10/2013 18:45

Ha ha Euphemism I'm going to appropriate that - normally I counter "the more the merrier" with "the less the merrier" but yours is much better!

I like socialising with people I've chosen to socialise it, just not randoms that other people have decided to invite.

JoinYourPlayfellows · 07/10/2013 18:48

I would guess that she was maybe slightly taken aback that her casual offer of a curry some time was so quickly followed up with a definite plan.

She might think that you guys don't know each other well enough for a couples' night with your husbands, so she's turning it into a bigger, more casual kind of night out.

Crinkle77 · 07/10/2013 18:49

I agree with laurie that you are being a little pessimistic. This could be a great opportunity to make you new friends and you might all have a great time.

LaQueenForADay · 07/10/2013 20:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Famzilla · 07/10/2013 20:10

Oh OP I know exactly how you feel, I'm incredibly shy and have been put in this position a few times!

I've always ended up having a good time though and wondered what I was getting myself so worked up about.

pianodoodle · 07/10/2013 20:17

I have forgotten what a night out is like recently but I think this is OK!

I do understand how you feel though as I tend to be a bit more quiet etc... at first meetings and a bit anxious. I know that's just me though and not everyone is like that!

Original poster
drivingmisslazy · 07/10/2013 21:50

Great to see different perspectives. We will go along and see what happens.

I did mention dh's shy when he first meets someone.

Will definitely keep an open mind.

OP posts:
Department · 07/10/2013 22:02

Ah i had to read almost the full thread before anyone said it but i agree with Join.

The oddest thing here is that you're going on a couples nighht out with a new colleague. I don't think she expected "we'll have to go out..." to be met with firm plans.

Maybe its different if you all live and work locally but where i am (commuter) it almost never happens.

Still, if you go with a happy attitude I'm sure you'll all have a good time

ICameOnTheJitney · 07/10/2013 22:05

I wouldn't mind myself....once upon a time I would have but now I think of situations like this as a chance to meet cool people. Of course it COULD be a total mare....but you won't know till' you've been!

chrome100 · 08/10/2013 06:01

YABU. I always invite lots of people to things I arrange. Why not? The more the merrier and I love it when my friends meet and strike up their own friendships. No doubt that's what she is doing. She wouldn't have invited you if she didn't want you to be there would she?

passmetheprozac · 08/10/2013 06:11

This would piss me off tbh.

If I had made plans with someone, and they said that they were inviting other people I would find it rude.

If when making plans, it is suggested that other people join us, not a problem.

There is a difference.